Front Lines Communications

The city of Melbourne assigned trees email addresses so citizens could report problems. Instead, people wrote thousands of love letters to their favorite trees.

If you don't think this is adorable, you're wrong.



[Oliver]

So. Everything is terrible, but aside from that how's things?

[Janet] (edited in later)

Hey babe. I have a question.

[Olly, Espo, Derek, Felix, Bryan]

Hey, guys. In case you forgot (and so you don't get in trouble if you did) it's Janet's birthday!

We're not going to be doing anything wild, but I'm planning a little surprise dinner/get together/campfire at our place on Saturday night if you'd like to come. Plus ones are cool as long as you give me a heads up about them first.

If Janet knew about this, she would like me to say "no gifts" but go nuts if you feel like it. I'm not here to police your life.

[Olly]

Matt is obviously already on the guest list if he wants to come.

[Soledad]

Hey, we're having a surprise dinner/campfire/get together for Janet's birthday (today) on Saturday night. You're invited if you'd like to come, but we won't be offended if you have other things to do either.

The cat might be, actually.

[Friends - apply liberally]

Hey! Apologies for my radio silence. It's been a big few weeks for me, and there have been a few adjustments made to my life.

Some of you may have seen my [...] display at Times Square on the internet. It was a little unflattering, and it looked as if a sign fell on me. Because one did. It wasn't great, but I'd softened the pavement enough and the response time was fast enough that P:A Medical has been able to fix me up. (Thank you, P:A medical)

So because of the above, it goes without saying that I've been outed as an atavist. Because of the violence of what happened at Times Square I've elected to resign from NYC Parks & Recreation. They've asked that I make it a "leave of absence" so they're not suspected of discrimination, but realistically I won't be going back and will be with the Project exclusively.

But hey, I'm alive!
And that's been my update. Please update me on yourselves. I know I'm out of the loop.


[Ken & Cole /separately]

Hi. I'm so sorry.

If anyone is a climber or could use a pick-me-up, Outdoor Research gave GQ a hilarious middle finger this week over their ill-advised “we took three premier climbers and a couple of cute friends weekend warrioring” (with climbers, of course, referring to the men and the cute friends being female models) article.

[Oliver]

I was too overwhelmed on Friday to thank you for the birthday party. I know it wasn't your ideal mix of people, and I really appreciated it.

[Noelle]

So Boyfriend Material.

[Various attendees of Ruby's b-day party last week]

Thank you guys for showing up to the shindig last Friday. It was great to have everyone there to celebrate my latest step toward the cold embrace of death. I enjoyed seeing all of you.
Yes, even you.

[P:A Leadership]

I need someone to LET ME THE FUCK IN tell this very nice lady behind the desk in Midtown to give me clearance to see Dio as soon as possible.



Please.

PA:L + MED + RESEARCH TEAMS.

Lito's awake.

TEXT TO: RUBY.

[1] He's awake
[2] He seems fine

[3] Thank you.

[Dio Project: Ascension]

On a scale from 1 to 10, how likely is it that some guy juggling fireworks in Times Square is just a really talented baseline?

[Olly]

You are not making me wait 2 weeks to hear about your date.


[George]

I haven't seen you nearly enough now that I'm off of house arrest.


[Audra]

Hey.
Audra, I'm really sorry about your birthday. I hope you were able to at least do something enjoyable. I just needed to take a step back for a few days.

HAPPY ARBOR DAY

It's so cute if any of you thought you were getting away with not hearing from me today...
Let's have some facts and reminders about trees!

1. If you're lost in the woods, try to find a logged tree (or three). The tree rings will be thicker on the south-facing side. It's a helpful way to get your bearings (In the Northern Hemisphere).

2. The earth's largest (known) living organism is actually an aspen grove. An aspen grove is comprised of one "mother" tree and hundreds/thousands of her clones, all linked together by the same root system. The largest organism on earth is an aspen grove in Utah named Pando. It's made up of approximately 47,000 genetically identical trees.

3. Instead of using 4 paper towels to dry your hands, you can fold one in half and achieve the same effect. This works because folding the towel allows interstitial suspension. Joe Smith had a great (and short) TED talk about it if you're into that: Shake and fold

Okay, I'm not making the list any longer because I can feel your eyes glazing over, but trees are cool. Just remember trees are our friends. Please be nice to them.

[Friends (feel free to apply liberally)]

So, anyone I talked to about getting drunk doing something fun tonight, I have to cancel. I'm stuck on Governor's Island for at least a couple more days for training because I can make fire now. Surprised? So was I. So was everyone in the general vicinity.

Also: Everyone at the office thinks I'm in an abusive relationship with a sidewalk now, so that's perfect.

[Olly]
I AM A FUCKING DRAGON

[Janet]
Hey, neighbor.

[Paola]
Sooo we need to talk about a tree
------
Arbor Day deliveries

Garret Galloway (no note) • Theo Callaghan : receipt for donation to the ACLU in his name • Oliver Bryant : framed picture of the bonsai she rescued from him labeled "Your son."

In planning my races for the next six months, I came across this. Anyone interested in doing a 10K with me on the 29th? $50 gets you a race and brunch plus mimosas for the 21+ crowd. Or Shackmeister Ale, apparently. There's a 5k option, too.

[Ruby]
Did you sign up for any of the classes being offered?

[P:A Agents + Leadership] - after this
I ran into the other MAL operative that was present when Colby and I went to meet with Violet Marin this afternoon. She told me her name was 'Nina.' She didn't seem entirely comfortable, and while I'm sure her name isn't a real one, I don't know that she didn't give something close to it.

This might be a stupid question here, but are there any other gardeners around with more experience with the area/zone? I'm sort of ready to make my move for the spring, and the forecast for tomorrow has me wanting to play hooky and blow all of my money at a nursery. I'm afraid my excitement is making me jump the gun, though.

Question number 2: Who's feeling violent and wants to help me rip out basically every inch of the gnarled, dead mess that is currently my garden this weekend in exchange for beer, food, and good company*?


*depending on who you ask

[Fran]

Hey, stranger! I haven't heard much from you. How are things? How's the transition going?


[Garret]

How was your date?

Note to self: Next time a coworker asks if you want to go to Wednesday night trivia, what he really means to say is "We're going to win this bitch, drink $50 worth of free beer between the two of us, and not get home until 2:30AM. But don't forget, I'm only 23 and I've never seen a hangover before in my life so I'll be agonizingly cheerful and loud in the office all day tomorrow."

How much would someone charge me to follow me around on nights out and slap my wallet out of my hand every time I try to order a pitcher with a straw? I'll be taking bids.

[Dio]

I won't be doing any training tonight. Thank you for your understanding.

[Fran]

What are you up to this weekend, buttercup?

[Garret]

What are the odds you still have my flask?

[Theo]

Why am I like this?
If you start teaching a "how to be a responsible adult" class at GH I might actually attend it.

[Olly]

Hey, buddy. How are you? I assume you've had a lot going on with the hospital fiasco, so I thought I'd check in on you.




----
[deliveries made on Friday March 17th]

Garret Galloway - A $10 visa gift card with a note that says "Happy St Paddy's have a drink on me", then a second sticky note that says "Oh wait I forgot this is NYC" stuck to a second gift card for $20 (yes she spent $30 in order to make this joke and she has no regrets)

Theo Callaghan - a cheesy glittery shamrock sticker and a note: "I'm not sure what the policy for pinching priests is so here's an insurance policy"

Dio Perez - A box of bandaids with shamrocks on them and a note: "don't ever get hurt again"

Well, one thing I didn't expect to have to do this week was to haul my happy ass up to the Bronx because of a reported "tree blight" just to find what was clearly atavist-related scorching all over my trees.

Please keep in mind, these trees are in an urban setting and it's amazing that they thrive at all. They don't need some random atavist frying the shit out of them, and I would appreciate it if people would keep their destructive abilities away from them.

I now also have to make up some bullshit excuse that is based on zero science whatsoever to cover up atavism, so thank you for that.

If anyone has any information about who may have scorched several trees at the Van Cortlandt Park Conservancy in the Bronx this weekend, please message me privately. Any productive leads will receive my gratitude (and potentially a beer if you're into that).

[Christian]

There isn't any chance that you can heal ALL living things, not just humans, is there?

My abilities are still dormant not malfunctioning. If you can't leave the house and need something etc I'm happy to help.


[Theodore]

I'm sorry if this is out of the blue, but is everything alright? You can't hurt me if your powers are out of control, so let me know if you need help.


[Dionisio]

Are you any worse for the wear? Is Agent Huang? Is Agent Huang?

[Olly]

How you holding up, buddy?

Edit:

[Agent Huang Janet]

I was told I should check in on you. Are you doing alright?

I’ve been encouraged to introduce myself here so… hello. My name is Ruby. I work for Parks and Recreation, and before you ask: apparently Leslie Knope isn’t real, so I’m still not over that. I like outdoor activities, and I’m a slut for I’m really into trees.

I’m originally from Denver, but I moved here from Portland a couple of weeks ago. So I’m new in every sense of the word. Like, new enough that I’m still taking the housing market here very personally. What I’m paying for my crappy apartment in Brooklyn is appalling. Unless the messiah himself came down and blessed that apartment in particular there’s no excuse for what it costs.

That seems like enough, so moral of the story: I have no friends*, and I’m desperate - all offers of friendship will be considered.

*Except you, Olly, but I was trying to make a point.

[Dionisio]

This was all explained to me, but I was a little emotionally compromised, so just to clarify: Do I have to officially report when I leave town? It really seems like an organization that likes paperwork, so I figured I’d check.