DISORDER JOURNALS

president's day isn't the same without the sales

here's something to brighten your day

MADDIE

so, about that hooter

also, i have a pint of pig blood let's fuck up your shithead ex's day

congrats to the eagles! the gang would be so proud.

happy imbolc or whatever

here's a cute gif

i've recently learned that not only is the star wars fetish scene still going strong after all these years, there are also star wars themed sex toys. so hey, if you're in the market for a new vibrator i'd say get 'em while the gettin's good. and also before disney shits themselves and has them all removed.

here's a video about dogs to get you through the rest of your day. you're welcome

don't drink and apparate
don't drink and fly
don't drink and floo
don't drink and drive

in fact, if you're going to do something stupid, just don't. for once in your miserable lives try to stay away from the stupid ideas that your idiotic minds come up with. especially if those stupid ideas involve magic. if you're drunk and you need to get somewhere then have someone hail the knight bus for you. or else you'll be seeing me and spending a night in the DMLE's illustrious cells.

happy new year

dear rodolphus lestrange, you owe me a new front door you giant gaping prolapsed rectum

oh and don't worry, i got more signs

here's a drawing of george costanza on a pastrami sandwich. you're welcome

also, if anyone knows where to get GOOD beef tamales, hmu

DMLE MINUS YAXLEY

so i went to that ugly sweater party last night. first of all, who holds a party for ugly sweaters in a fancy ass place?? that makes no sense. a lot of the diagon/knockturn usuals were there, as well as the malfoys, lestranges, the cursebreaker dufort-podmore, that lowe kid, and zabini. apparently, zabini is dating the greasy looking lestrange so who knows how long it'll be before he turns up dead. that family is super loaded, aren't they? the malfoys and that bartender from the white wyvern were all throwing serious shade at each other. bartender also exchanged some words with zabini as well, and zabini could be heard asking about coffin sizes for someone fitting bartenders description.

all in all these rich people are pretty much all ate up, but they make for great entertainment. nothing really happened and it was all pretty tame. i won a free burial plot, but tbh i don't plan on dying anytime soon, and if i do i'm definitely being shipped back home, so it's up for grabs.

being an adult means buying a giant kinder egg and getting to eat it for dinner

being a female adult means getting to feel the intense joy of finally being able to take your bra off after a long day at work