DISORDER JOURNALS

[ FRIENDS ]

i am alive but confined to a bed like an invalid, so send nudes to keep me entertained.

TEXT TO: Nora & Rhys

[1] I'm alive! And a little high
[2] Thanks for the gift. I haven't seen him in ages
[3] 😎♥️

it was late but the idea that someone willingly let dante avery inside them is the best april fool's joke so far.

[ KATIE & BETTY ]

hey, i was wondering how joe's doing

[ DEARBORNS ]

soooo. imagine me sitting at a desk with steepled fingers.

[ CADWALLADERS ]

are you guys sick of daffyd yet?

[ R08 ]

consider this: what if we all left

ADDED LATER:

[ NORA ]

what if we left & took everyone we care about with us by force

[ NORA ]

we should skype mum tonight.

[ DEARBORNS ]

i have dinner for the both of you.

missing quidditch after lucius malfoy ruined it for everyone? the museum of quidditch's new exhibit on the history of disbanded teams like the banchory bangers. they're my favourite because they used to throw massive parties and once tried to capture a hebridean black, which did not go very well for them. also, i work at the museum now! so you don't get to hear my dulcet tones every day but you can visit me at the best place in london.

does anyone actually read vampire/werewolf/whatever romance novels?

[ JEREMY/IMOGEN/NORA ]

okay don't panic but i could use some healing

[ GWEN ]

so which one's your pseudonym?

i skyped with my mum this morning and made the mistake of mentioning i was going to a wedding later. i still haven't recovered. please keep me in your thoughts during this trying time.

[ JEREMY ]

hey, are you
do you want to

[ JEREMY ]

hey, can we talk?

the prophet is right about one thing: chelsea corner is too good for this world.

in unrelated news, i would like to apologise for my absence on today's episode of the pitch -- someone's idea of a joke left me unable to speak for a few hours. i'll be back tomorrow morning to discuss all the latest news and weigh in on a topic from today (or why viktor krum's performance in the 2014 world cup was not that great.)

[ FRIENDS OF CHELSEA ]

the star of the dmle turns another year older tomorrow, so let's all meet for drinks at the chy bar. she WILL give you an autograph if you ask nicely.

gather around, kids, and let me spin you a yarn.

a few days ago, before death eaters INVADED MY HOME and broke my HAND, i went to a cafe in hogsmeade. i didn't have my ID on me but the barista knows me, knows i'm naught but a defenseless halfblood rather than some mangy wandless muggleborn, and gave me my latte and muffin. apparently this was a major mistake because the cafe has since been closed for a "HEALTH VIOLATION"

so maybe robards will help turn things around because this is absolute bullshit.

A couple things:

First, the exhibit on the Malfoy, Lestrange, and Avery families at the Society for the Preservation of Magical Heritage opens today. Go see it if you want, I guess.

Second, the opportunity to donate to the Society for the Preservation of Magical Heritage through The Pitch's fundraiser ends this Friday. I hear it's a good cause.

[ MEDIA ]

really? nothing on the mass slaughter in tinworth last night? does "if it bleeds, it leads" not apply if the victims are muggles and/or the perpetrators are death eaters?

[ TINWORTH RESIDENTS ]

hey, so

should we all start contacting our solicitors about wills? maybe check in with ELM and wizards undertakers to see if they have any promotional deals atm?

[ FRIENDS ]

after a day of intensive research, my patronus is apparently this

it's so small? i don't know what this means?

[ HESTIA ]

were you serious about the polyjuice?

It may be November, but the countdown to Christmas has already begun! Every holiday season, The Pitch holds a charity drive for Quidditch for All, an organization dedicated to making sure underprivileged children have brooms and other Quidditch supplies. Unfortunately, we won't be able to work with Quidditch for All this year. Instead, The Pitch will be working with the Society for the Preservation of Magical Heritage (SPMH). SPMH works to preserve the rich traditions of purebloods, celebrating them, and bringing knowledge to those less fortunate. This year, the SPMH needs your help to set up a special exhibit for the Malfoy, Lestrange, and Avery families.

It doesn't take a whole lot to help out an organization in need this Christmas. Please, do your part to help the SPMH educate magical Britain about these fucking murder illustrious and noble families.

Barnaby Snell
Co-host of The Pitch

i know there's nothing more annoying than people announcing they're taking a social media break, but i won't be checking wizta/hooter/hexts/omail/etc for the next few days. i don't know what i'll do without the weird blend of adoring praise (i AM handsome, ty) and virulent hate (rosier is not better than me?) but i'm sure i'll find some way to cope.

[ BGC ]

get in touch with nora if you need me for anything and please don't fill the flat with POISON from [REDACTED] because i'll throw it all out when i get back.

the government stepping in to ban any form of art is a complete load of shit, but it's especially telling that they're banning a song that supposedly helps people escape dementors. but hey, what do i know?

reunited with my beard and it feels so good.

[ FRIENDS ]

angelus rosier booked LUCIUS MALFOY, NOTABLE DEATH EATER to be a guest on our show. i'm convinced this is all part of narcissa malfoy's plot to RUIN MY LIFE.

EDITED TO ADD:
[ BGC ]

did one of you order fake blood for the party? because we have a bunch of it.

check out thepitch.mag tomorrow morning for our rankings of the top ten rookies to watch out for. you MAY be able to bribe me for a spot on the list if you play your cards right.

[ FRIENDS ]

what are you doing oct 28? why, you're coming to the annual BGC halloween party. costumes are required, even if they're boring costumes. fun is also required. children are allowed on a case by case basis. puffskeins are always welcome.

[ BGC ]

i need to run a plan by you guys.

so who picked up a limited edition sphinx latte this morning? i think we all -- well, MOST OF US -- deserve a little good luck.

this absinthe was a mistake. it is a testament to man's arrogance. i have talked one person's ear off about how i'm going to marry [redacted], done a terrible tim curry impression, and now i find myself wondering about everyone's worst hook up stories. have you ever accidentally wandered into an orgy? did you partner insist on doing it to a to true crime youtube series? let me know.

tomorrow! hogsmeade! the pitch will be taking over wwn's booth at the mabon festival from noon to 2p. there will be a quidditch trivia contest hosted by yours truly! and also rosier, i guess. the grand prize will be a 25 galleon gift certificate to Spintwitches Sporting Needs. please come by and say hello! bring your friends!

[ WILLY LOCKE ]

are you busy right now?

there was a dementor in hogsmeade today. so be careful out there.

[ RAVENCLAW 08 + HESTIA + RHYS + NORA ]

we should do something nice for ciara.

so who all is seeing IT this weekend? who doesn't love being traumatised by clowns?

[ NORA ]

remember when i said i was fine? well haha i'm actually n

[ RAVENCLAW 08 ]

what do you say we all get pissed this weekend? death eaters are in the ministry! death eaters are reading my posts and listening to my show and using it to

the museum of quidditch in london, the best place on earth, is doing a retrospective on the history of the chudley cannons. you should all go check it out because This Is Their Year. :)

[ FRIENDS ]

what started out as an idea for a brunch has morphed into an idea for a barbecue. so this sunday! 4 o'clock! chez corner/snell/vale! there'll be burgers, sausages, corn, kebabs, dementor hunting (kidding, chelsea), and desserts! also, my handsome face, which should easily be the biggest draw. please come! let's do something fun to distract us from how terrible everything is!