DISORDER JOURNALS

DEATH EATERS

Hello my dear friends and esteemed colleagues.

Please let it be known that while you are on your various murder and torture assignments, if you happen to encounter a furry friend that belongs to your target, please bring the animal to me instead. My sister Dionyza owns a franchise of cat cafes. Please support purist business.

From what I have observed, we have all had a very stressful beginning to our year. It has been full of loss and fear and fire. My good friend Gwyneth and I have been speaking lately about what we can do to help ease the troubled minds of our fellow men and women and those who fall elsewhere on the spectrum, and I would like to remind you all that outside of our normal health and wellness classes, I also offer my services as a personal wellness consultant, among other things. Don't let the dreariness of the present break your spirit of the future. The kombucha is brewing. We are waiting for you. Let's chat.

If you'd prefer to chat anonymously, let's do that too. Do you need some advice? Is there anything I can do? Or perhaps someone else may have advice for you. Ward away. This is a safe space.

Dear LonelyLovelessLad26,

I am not your missed connection.

I did not respond to your whodoo post.

Or your incendr post

I did not ask you to floo call me 37 38 times this week wearing a Phantom of the Opera mask. I am not your angel of music.

I will not be getting coffee with you. I don't drink coffee. That is not an invitation to "teach me to like coffee because I'm obviously not drinking the right kind."

Stop this harassment immediately or I will stop you.

Who do we speak with if there's been a mistake made on our IDs?

Plants are people too.

I've returned from my unplugged retreat. A social media cleanse was just what I needed to get back to basics. There's so much negative energy clouding everyone's lives right now. I highly recommend taking a break to rediscover the You. Maybe then you'll finally find the answers you've been looking for.