Communications

>> Uncle Jaime
>> Mum's being really weird about my dreams
>> It's not my fault I'm dreaming
>> And I'm not alone
>> Why can't I talk about it?
>> It's exciting to have dreams you share with friends

>> Myrcella is dreaming, she's dreaming
>> I can't protect her when she sleeps.
>> What do I do?

>> I had the most interesting dream the night before last.
>> Forgot to mention it in the midst of all this chaos.
>> Tell me of Casterly Rock, and what you know of Tysha.

>> Yeah. Who is that mystery woman I wonder, father?

Text message to Myrcella
» That was a very sweet present, Myrcella.
» I can't wait to get home and spend the rest of the day with you.

Text message to Cersei
» I think Myrcella may be onto something.

( For Uncle Jaime )

[Text to Bruce Wayne]
I just heard. You probably want some time alone but call any time if you want to talk.

[Text to Lucas North]
Hi Lucas. It's Jaime. I'm back in Newport Beach now. When can we meet?

[Text to Lorenzo]
Will be picking up my painting from some English guy who probably does mafia stuff for my dad. Who says they can't be trusted?

[Text to Brienne]
>> Hope you enjoyed Istanbul. We should go traveling again sometime. You're the only woman I've been with who doesn't spend hours in the toilet getting ready.
>> And I meant that as a compliment.

[Text to Jaime Lannister]
Got it. Will keep it safe for you until you return. -Lucas

[Text to Jaime Lannister]
Can you bring me a box of Turkish delight when you come back?

[Backdated to early Thursday morning.]
[Call to the first law enforcement individual who picks up]
"Hi. Uh. My house was broken into last night. I lost a uh... eighty million dollar painting."

[Text to Brienne]
I'm really sorry Brienne but something came up. Forward me the address of your hotel in Istanbul and I'll see you there tomorrow.

[Text to Lorenzo]
Someone broke into my house and stole my Rubens.

[Thursday afternoon.]
[Text to Tywin Lannister]
Dad do you have any local contacts of people who specialise in [...] finding stuff?

[Text to Tywin Lannister]
Hey dad. It's your dyslexic good-for-nothing son Jemima. Haven't heard back from you yet since the first quake. Please get in touch.

[Having learned that Tyra Shepard may have been hospitalised, Jaime has a unicorn dispatched out to Urdnot Ranch waiting for her. There's a small card with 'For Tyra Shepard' in it hanging off its neck, but nothing more.]

[Voicemail messages for the Lannisters & Brienne]
"It's Jaime. Still in Italy until next week. Just wanted to check in. Get in touch when you can."

[Text to Lorenzo]
You couldn't have chosen a better time to take me on our honeymoon.

[Having finished his business up earlier than expected, Lorenzo changed his ticket reservations, packed his things and arranged a dog sitter for Iago and Ondine - and a housekeeper to look after everything else. He meant to say goodbye to Jaime in person but the busy man wasn't at the office so the Italian leaves the parting gifts on Mr Lannister's desk.]

[Text to Jaime Lannister]
>>Amore, I'm off to Florence and I'll be staying there until the end of the month.
>>If you change your mind about a holiday, there's always room for one more.

[Text to Brandon Sullivan]
I've got two pounds of Mövenpick coffee and a box of truffles with your name on it.


[Text to Jaime Lannister]
Swiss chocolate?

[Texts to Tywin Lannister]
>> I had a dream about us the other night. I'd forgotten how much time we spent together and how many tantrums you've had to put up with when we were younger.
>> For what it's worth, I'm sorry. You'd been there for me when you figured out I had dyslexia and when mum died but I haven't made time for you.
>> Before you reply with some poisonous, hurtful and belittling offhand remark that will get us fighting again, I just wanted to say thanks.

[E-mail to Jaime Lannister]
Dear Jaime,

I have some $150,000 that need spending and since I'm not supposed to buy another car with it, I'm giving it to you in exchange for a piece of real estate. Doesn't have to be big or flashy. Two bedrooms, one bathroom will suffice. Your agents can keep the rest.

Love,

--Eric

(Sent to: Oliver Queen, Satele Shan, Varric Tethras, Emma Frost, Galadriel, Pepper Potts, Tony Stark, Regina Mills, Robert Baratheon, Robert Packer, Lorenzo Conti, Artie Nielson, Loras Tyrell, Anthony Crowley, Merrill, Ned Stark, Jamie Lannister, and Selina Kyle. The 'To' field displays only the recipient's email address; it's one of those mass-emails that blind-copies the distribution list to protect the privacy of the recipients. Likewise, the salutation auto-fills in with the name of the recipient. 'To Whom it May Concern' is so impersonal, especially when you're asking for money.)

From: Wayne, Bruce
To: [Recipient Email Address]
Subject: ( Charity Carnival )

[Call to Brienne]
"Hello? Brienne? It's Jaime. I... I dreamed of you."

[Texts to Lorenzo]
>> Good news brother. I've matchmade you with some chick on the internet. I've also just decided that you're buying her dinner on Monday night.
>> Unfortunately on a scale of bow chicka wow wow to Mitt Romney's wife, I haven't a clue what she looks like. But it's the personality that matters, right?
>> You can thank me later. Now go forth and conquer, Fabio. I believe in you! =)

[Call to Robert Baratheon]
[He's panting over the phone, as if he hadn't realised that Robert had picked up. He speaks in awkward starts and stops, and he is hesitant but he pushes forward anyway.]

"...Robert? It's- it's Jaime. I wanted uh... I know it's late. I'm sorry if I woke you up. This may be a weird question, but. You know the best man at the wedding? Was his name Eddard Stark?"

[E-mail to Jaime & Tyrion Lannister]
Son #1, you could have just come out without going through the trouble of arranging that holiday gathering. It's not as if that possibility never crossed our minds.

Son #2, if your brother's gay and wants to be openly proud by exchanging rings with his gigolo, you'll be in charge of the prenuptial.

[MMS to Lorenzo]
I can't believe you were sidling up to my father on Monday. Ma che cazzo Mario? Are you flirting with madness or do you not see the ( resemblance? )

[Text to Lorenzo]
Free after 6 on Memorial Day? Having a BBQ. I'll show you a better time than those priests ever will.

[Txt to Emma Frost]

>> No srsly those corsets
>> Do you use tape?


[Txt to Xi'an]

>> I miss you...!
>> [boobs.jpg]
>> They miss you too!

[Txt to Scotty]

>> Id like you to meet Jubilee!
>> [Jubilee_Mooning.jpg]
>> See her big smile!

[Txt to Obi-wan]

>> Did you and ani do it?
>> I mean who's top?

[Txt to Tony]

>> okay okay how many penises were in Little Mermaid?

[Txt to Tali]

>> I don't recmend playing the shots game when watching twilight.

[Txt to Jean]

>> Hwo do you get yr hair so pretty?

[Randomly mass Txts to Random Numbers]

>> Hi who wnats to play the shots game?
>> Turn on channel 15. S' Lotr trilogy
>> Drink when smone drinks anything. a Hobbit, drink twice if it's Gimli, three times.
>> If Gimli belches afterward, drink the whole bottle
>> Somne eats anything if a Hobbit, twice.
>> hobbit talks about food.
>> Frodo says "Oh, Sam!"
>> Aragorn and Boromir have an argument.
>> Someone looks all mopey and angst-ridden. If it's Frodo, drink again.
>> A Black Rider appears.
>> We see someone's filthy, chewed-up fingernails.
>> Someone sings a song.
>> You can tell the camera was mounted on a helicopter.
>> Someone draws a sword.
>> Pippin acts like an idiot.
>> Legolas looks fabulous.
>> Frodo's eyes roll back into his head.
>> Gollum hacks up a "gollum! gollum!"
>> Someone or something is called "precious."
>> Someone consults a map.
>> You speak along with the dialogue.

[Text to Jaime Lannister]
I know this is kind of short notice but I have to go out of town. Can you look after Iago and Ondine for a couple of days?

I'm going home now. Have fun explaining your terminal illness to your sociopathic father yourself. You and I? We're done professionally.

[Texts to Lorenzo]
[1/2]: So that staged intervention where you dress up as Mario and ride a green turtle-eating dinosaur to come save me. I'll need it on Tuesday evening.
[2/2]: I'll send you the time and address. You can't be late or King Koopa my father will turn the scene into the last ten minutes of a Tarantino film.

[Text to Lorenzo]
I know it's sudden but I'm afraid I'll have to take a raincheck on the Mermaid party. My father's in town.