Communications

>> Hi honey, how are you doing?
>> Are you feeling any better?
>> Or do I need to bring by more soup?

Handed out to all interested UCLA students who attended the information meeting on February, 15.

( Study Abroad Program )

In this coming semester there will be several new rules implemented, due to some pet peeves that have developed over the past few semesters.

Rule #1: There will be no cellphones in class. Full stop. If I hear a cellphone go off or catch a student texting, the cellphone in violation of this rule will be thrown out the window. If it so happens that the room we are in has windows that do not or can not be opened (ie: the lecture hall with the wasp's nest), the phone will be placed on the window sill with the battery removed as a warning to others.

Rule #2: All essays must be stapled or somehow stuck together (but remain readable) before being turned in. To test this, all future essays will be thrown down the stairwell. Those that come apart will not be graded.

Rule #3: Please use proper grammar in your essays. For the love of all that is sacred, this is an English course.

Also outlawed are the following verbs:
- to be
- to have
- to go
- to do
- to want
- to feel

These verbs are dull, repetitive space fillers. Any instance of these verbs in your essays will result in five points off your final grade. In order to avoid this, rough drafts may be turned in to me for checking up to two days prior to the final due date.

Sincerely yours,
Professor Hamlet.