Communications

[Text to Robert Baratheon]
>> My daughter has either gone missing or 'missing' is some tabloid euphemism for a secret lesbian wedding down in Malibu or who knows where.
>> Either way we'll have to reschedule.

[Voicemail left for Sansa Stark]
"Sansa it's dad. Call me back as soon as you get this."

[Text to Renly Baratheon]
>>I'm going back to England for a couple of weeks.
>>Look after yourself, alright?
>>You can call any time if you need anything.

[Text to Lyanna Stark]
>>I'll be gone for a couple of weeks.
>>House is all yours; no wild parties with male strippers, please.
>>I've also set up a bank account under your name in case you need it in case the strippers tear my place apart or my car gets wrecked, inexplicably.
>>Card's on the kitchen counter.

[Texts to Robert Baratheon]
>> I feel like a decrepit old man with this walking stick.
>> Nevermind that I am a decrepit old man.
>> How are you and Mr. Stevens?

[Text to Catelyn Stark]
>> I might be spending this weekend with Bobby.
>> One more mobility scooter joke coming from you and I'm sleeping in the guesthouse for the next two weeks. Alone.

[Phone call to Catelyn Stark]
"Cat? Are you home with the kids?"

[Voicemail left on the Stark home phone]
"It's dad. Whoever gets this please call me back as soon as possible. Ta."

[Text to Robert Baratheon]
Hey mate. Just checking in on you, Lya and Renly. They never gave me their phone numbers.

[Text to Wrex]
Hi Wrex, it's Ned Stark. Dishwasher bloke. Just want to know if you're okay. Do you need any help?

[Text to Daenerys Targaryen, Galadriel, Ben Linus, Tony Stark & Pepper Potts]
Just checking in to make sure you're alright.

[Texts to Renly Baratheon]

>>If you've been murdered and body parts of yours start appearing all over OC, I'll be seriously cross with you.
>>Please respond before I dig up a necromancer of questionable reputation.
>>Though I'm not sure if it'll be of much help if you really have been chopped to bits.
>>Either way, a sign of life from Young Master Renly would be appreciated.

» I thought you might like to know that I got my Disneyland pass back.

(Sent to: Oliver Queen, Satele Shan, Varric Tethras, Emma Frost, Galadriel, Pepper Potts, Tony Stark, Regina Mills, Robert Baratheon, Robert Packer, Lorenzo Conti, Artie Nielson, Loras Tyrell, Anthony Crowley, Merrill, Ned Stark, Jamie Lannister, and Selina Kyle. The 'To' field displays only the recipient's email address; it's one of those mass-emails that blind-copies the distribution list to protect the privacy of the recipients. Likewise, the salutation auto-fills in with the name of the recipient. 'To Whom it May Concern' is so impersonal, especially when you're asking for money.)

From: Wayne, Bruce
To: [Recipient Email Address]
Subject: ( Charity Carnival )

[Call to Ned Stark]
"NED! HE'S GOT HIMSELF A STALKER, MY LITTLE BROTHER, SOME CRAZY CHICK WHO'LL SLASH HIM TO PIECES AND HE ANNOUNCES WHERE HE'S GOING ON THE INTERNET! IT'S SO- I DON'T EVEN KNOW- I NEED TO BORROW YOUR GUN!"

[Shortly after this happens, while trying to hide the fact that he is freaking out.]


>> Are you in Newport right now?

[A few minutes later.]

>> Do you like Chinese?

[Texts to Ned Stark, sent in quick succession]
»Ned, my brother is here.
»Not here here as in here with me.
»But here.
»In America.
»In Orange County.
»My brother is here, Ned.

[Texts to Robert Baratheon]
>> My daughter might be gay. I suppose it's better than Theon Greyjo I have no experience with this outside that one time we did Macbeth 30-odd years ago.
>> Either that or she's becoming a camera whore just like you I don't know how you deal with all this media attention, even if they publish papers that are about as reputable as The Sun. It's absurd.

[Texts to Ned Stark]
»I'm sorry your daughter was banned from Disneyland. Things got out of hand unexpectedly.
»Also, I'm never talking to any of your children again.
»England's playing tomorrow.

[Text to Ned Stark]
Your Kingslayer dreams of you and slaying bad kings. The old rich man said something about ruined castles but those might be real for all I know.

[Call to Robert Baratheon]
[He's panting over the phone, as if he hadn't realised that Robert had picked up. He speaks in awkward starts and stops, and he is hesitant but he pushes forward anyway.]

"...Robert? It's- it's Jaime. I wanted uh... I know it's late. I'm sorry if I woke you up. This may be a weird question, but. You know the best man at the wedding? Was his name Eddard Stark?"

[Text to Bran Stark]
Young Master Bran, are you free next weekend? -R. Baratheon

[Text to Ned Stark]
In case you don't hear from me again after tomorrow, I want you to know that you're the best human being in the universe and while I love you more than my penis, I thought you should know that I find your decency and goodness kind of disturbing sometimes.

P.S. I'm not drunk or high.

[Text to Robert Baratheon]
No Robert you are not allowed to tell the wee brats any 'gay stories about daddy'. Are you drunk or have you gone mad?

"Mr. Baratheon?" he asked when someone answered the phone.

No Lord. No Your Grace. For Robert Baratheon was only a Mister to Bran Stark just yet. "This is Bran Stark."

[Text to Steve Rogers]
 
>> Boy scout, I’m dying here. I barely can move my head but I swear to God if you don’t come up with something to distract me I’m going to start singing LMFAO at the top of my lungs until they at least move me to a room with a different number of ceiling tiles on the ceiling to distract me for another minute and a half.
 
>> Do you really want that on your conscience? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
 
[Text to Nym Tonks]
 
>> I wasn’t kidding, bring back more cupcakes like that and you get two quarters on me.
 
[Multiple Texts to Multiple Random Numbers (feel free to have these be your character’s phones)]
 
>> Hi. I’m Tony. Who’s your favorite Powerpuff Girl?
 
>> Hi. I’m Tony. Best Disney Movie?
 
>> Hi. I’m Tony. Do people really like opera or are they just trying to seem classy?

>> Hi. I'm Tony. Do you think it'd be hard to learn to play the banjo?

>> Hi. I'm Tony. Why do birds suddenly appear when some crazy woman sings a song?

>> Hi. I'm Tony. Why do the Red Hot Chili Peppers keep putting out the same album and everyone acts like it's new?

>> Hi. I'm Tony. Do you think people go vegetarian to protect animals for real, or is it just to feel better than people who think cows are delicious?
 
>> Hi. I’m Tony. I’m also really bored.
 
[Text to Pepper Potts]
 
I know you’re just sitting right here but hi.

[Text to Robert Baratheon]
That murderous cunt is dead and I've to do last minute shopping for Cat. If it pleases Your Royal Highness, Lord Stark would humbly request your company today.

[Call to Ned]

"Hello, darling. How are you? Guess who was released from rehab five minutes ago."