MarinaNova Asylum

[ Dirk had a very weird experience the day before that he doesn't actually remember, but the network logs told the whole story once he returned to his senses. That kid had actually liked being in Marina. What a dope.

Today, he's still unable to go anywhere thanks to his stupid ankle. Thanks, ankle. So he's sitting in the living room, wearing a turtleneck for the second day in a row, reading a book he sent someone to check out from the library for him. Come bother him, Jake. ]

[ Voice/Filtered to Dave Strider ]

Hey Bro, you got a moment?

[The video clicks on to show a kid who isn't really sure what expression to make. His expression seems to settle into one of confusion after a minute or two.]

I guess I wasn't really expecting to wake up here after that whole dream bubble thing. Then again I probably was never expecting to wake up in a prison?

I am not really sure about this crimes list they gave me, though. I mean I did do some of these, but uh... Most of these were from playing a video game, so I don't really know if those count? Also I wasn't really driving that car??

Oh man, I am going to start rambling! Anyway, I am new here apparently, so hi. My name is John! I wonder if anyone else I know is here? On second thought, I hope not. That would really suck.

[Voice]

Hey, everyone. For my fifth and final punishment, I'm required to give a lecture at the educational facility on a "respectable" subject.

So anyone who wants to hear me talk about masturbation is encouraged to show up at ten this morning.

[Action/Open]

[ Dirk sure is blazing through these punishments. It's almost like he impatiently feels he has something better to be doing.

Despite the fact that he's cross-dressing for this occasion -- for which you can blame Jake and Jane -- Dirk is thoroughly professional, respectful, and thorough in his lecture. Rather than lingering on masturbation techniques and lewd subject matter, he discusses the health benefits et al.

At the end, he takes questions. ]

[Action 2/Closed]

[ Your name is Jake English and you have a personal servant for the day. What will you do? ]

[Video]
Sooooo. [He kind of just drawls that out. He sounds way too happy with himself.] I kind of got in a crapton of trouble I guess. I'm supposed to offer my services and get at least three chores done. So here it is. I, Dave Strider, will do your chores. Limit three because hell if you think I'm going to do more work than need be.

I also have to apologize. Sorry I decided that I didn't play friendly and accidentally murdered one of those wasps and beat up like five more. It'll probably happen again, but I'm sorry I got caught. I'll try harder next time. You don't know how sincere I am about this.

Moving on. Who has beach duty? I was thinking of seeing if we can change the entire thing to a rock garden. If you don't know what I mean, than don't bother. But misery likes company, so if you're stuck sweeping sand for three hours, we should do it together. Just hit me up.

Dave Strider, out.

[Action | Open]
[If you happen by the pet cafe, you'll find the elder Strider there.

Needless to say, his work isn't so bad. He's just a little confused as to why he can't seem to pry the birds off his shoulders. He's been walking other pets around all day with them just sitting there, chill as can be. Right now he's tending to some kittens who'd decided to commandeer his legs as their playground.]

[A buck-toothed smile appears on the screen along with a pair of thick black frame glasses. Bright green eyes look very, very excited. Like. Really freaking excited. Like you cannot believe.]

It's been quite the galvanizing day! I've spent a good portion of it with my chums from-- er, my world, and I've met a few other friendlies here and there.

I'd wager you have nothing to fear, my fellow captives. You may be dismayed by our current status as prisoners, but cheer up! All this crime malarkey aside, I believe we're all just a bunch of ordinary ladies and gents in a completely ordinary underwater dome.

They even have a movie theater! Which I will most definitely be visiting on a frequent basis.

Which, by the way. Dirk, Roxy, Jane! Are the three of you up for a good ol' friendly outing? Complete with bags of overpriced popcorn served to us by jovial youngsters trying to save up for a fancy automobile?

We're all in prison, which means we're all filthy, vile criminals. So I'm curious, everyone.

What did you do? What is it that made the wardens believe you deserve to be locked away in an inverted aquarium for the rest of your natural life? Please note that if you're just gonna say "I didn't do anything" or "They made it all up", I'm not interested in hearing it. You're surrounded by other criminals, no one gives a damn. Either answer or don't, it's up to you, but don't respond with bullshit prevarication.

Since it'd be hells of rude to ask without providing an answer of my own, here's what I'm in for: ( Cut for length and Homestuck spoilers. )

Well? I showed you mine, now show me yours.

[]Hopefully, you weren't heading into the bathroom anytime soon or trying to take a piss, because you're probably going to get a surprise guest. Welp.

Dave just casually sits up in the bathtub. He squints a bit before he forces himself to his feet.

Maybe you were just about to do something whilst in the bathroom when suddenly Dave. Or if you're lucky, you were just heading to the bathroom when Dave literally just stumbles out like he didn't just come out of your bathroom suddenly.] I've woken up in weirder places. This is pretty tame in terms of the weird shit I find myself in.
-
[It takes Dave a bit of time to get to the network. He had a bit of a crisis before he decided to contact the network as a whole. He doesn't sound all too happy though, nor does he look happy.]

I do enough stupid shit to wind up in odd places. I don't need jackasses in charge of a giant people aquarium doing it for me. Choke on a dick.

Thanks for the traffic cone monstrosity. I really wanted one when I first arrived here. I was so heartbroken about not actually having one, but now I do. Now I can be the glaring orange prick I've always wanted to be. Also, thanks for confiscating my shades. I was being honest when I wanted you to go choke on something.

[What a ray of sunshine.] Also, the list of crimes is a load of bullcrap. That might just be me though unless you guys also got graced by a paragraph worth of crimes. [Dave Strider breaking the law 2012.] Sexual intercourse for a crime is pretty fucking great though, so there's that.

By the way. Fuck you and your stupid underwater aquarium.

Oh, this again. It's Day 184 of the first blah blah blah. If you haven't figured out the drill by now I doubt the reminder will help.

No one to admonish publicly for rule breaking. Jane Crocker, your Betty Crocker cake mix is available for pick up at the kiosk. Also, don't think I didn't see what you did.

New arrivals today. There will also be sidewalk chalk in a variety of colors placed in tubs along the various walk ways today. Some have glitter. You are invited to express yourselves.