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1:30 AM
[Nathan has been doing everything in his power to distract himself from the gruesome murder. Drawing, walking, reading, trying to learn something new from the books available at the library—anything to keep himself busy, outside of going to the secondhand shop to perform the job that he technically volunteered for. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now he doubts his ability to stay in one place for more than an hour or so. He has to keep moving if he doesn't want his thoughts to catch up with him.
Thoughts about messages written in blood and pieces of person scattered around the prison. (He saw them. He saw so many things when he was walking because he couldn't sleep.) Thoughts about what it must have been like to die that way, and how it must have felt to do the killing. What was it like to cut someone up like that? He thinks it must have been interesting, seeing inside and taking a body apart like a puzzle. He thinks it must have been awful and exciting and nauseating. He imagines how powerful killers must feel when they're putting an end to a life—how alive they feel when they're taking life away from others.
He can't move fast enough or walk far enough. He can't stop wondering how close he is to doing what Tyki did. He'd hurt Euphie twelve days ago; he had been stopped before anything too bad happened, but that didn't make it okay. Nathan doesn't know what he would have done without the collar. Would he have taken her apart? Would he have stopped himself? Would he have wanted to stop himself?
That was the problem. He had wanted to hurt her, and he knows that he needs to talk to someone, but he's scared. He's afraid that the part of him that wanted to do so much more than he did is getting stronger, and he's approaching a point where it will overpower the rest of him. No collar will be powerful enough to hold him back and he'll be the one dissecting the bodies.
When he stops running from his mind, he can see his hands driving knives into torsos. He can feel blood flowing through his fingers, and he likes it too much to be anything but a monster.
He needs help.]
[Filtered to Reid]
Dr. Reid? Can I talk to you?
[If he sounds terrified, it's because he is.]
[OOC: Possibly not entirely closed. Please plurk me or send me a message if you'd like to throw your (non-Reid) character at this!]
Thoughts about messages written in blood and pieces of person scattered around the prison. (He saw them. He saw so many things when he was walking because he couldn't sleep.) Thoughts about what it must have been like to die that way, and how it must have felt to do the killing. What was it like to cut someone up like that? He thinks it must have been interesting, seeing inside and taking a body apart like a puzzle. He thinks it must have been awful and exciting and nauseating. He imagines how powerful killers must feel when they're putting an end to a life—how alive they feel when they're taking life away from others.
He can't move fast enough or walk far enough. He can't stop wondering how close he is to doing what Tyki did. He'd hurt Euphie twelve days ago; he had been stopped before anything too bad happened, but that didn't make it okay. Nathan doesn't know what he would have done without the collar. Would he have taken her apart? Would he have stopped himself? Would he have wanted to stop himself?
That was the problem. He had wanted to hurt her, and he knows that he needs to talk to someone, but he's scared. He's afraid that the part of him that wanted to do so much more than he did is getting stronger, and he's approaching a point where it will overpower the rest of him. No collar will be powerful enough to hold him back and he'll be the one dissecting the bodies.
When he stops running from his mind, he can see his hands driving knives into torsos. He can feel blood flowing through his fingers, and he likes it too much to be anything but a monster.
He needs help.]
[Filtered to Reid]
Dr. Reid? Can I talk to you?
[If he sounds terrified, it's because he is.]
[OOC: Possibly not entirely closed. Please plurk me or send me a message if you'd like to throw your (non-Reid) character at this!]