I Resist the Muses

What do I want? *smirk*

Well, unlike some people I know... *eyes Cody*, I don't have a want or need for things. I mean, like belongings. I mean, sure it's nice ta have 'em, but I cain't see how it really matters. Ya can't exactly take 'em with ya when ya go, ya know? And seein' as how my life's goin', I suppose it'd be kinda foolish to waste what I got now on things I ain't gonna have for long. It ain't like I don't understand why people want 'em and all... it just isn't for me.

But I suppose I'm tellin' ya what I don't want and you're askin' me what I DO want. It's something a man's gotta do a lot of thinkin' about. I mean, I could say I want to live forever, but I don't reckon I really do. I could say I want a girl, but if she ain't the right one or she's like Sarah Downs... well, a fella could get himself killed wishin' for somethin' like that. I should know.

I think maybe, more than anything, I just wanna be Jimmy. Not James Butler Hickok. Not Wild Bill. Just Jimmy Hickok, Pony Express rider. If I can have that back... I can't imagine I'd ever want for nothin' else.

Muse: Jimmy Hickok
Fandom: Young Riders

( Prompt #9 - What makes you laugh? )

( Prompt #10 - Life would be better if... )

It doesn't take a whole lot to get me all stirred up. Just ask anybody who knows me. I've felt angry almost all my life at something or another. I guess I just want things ta be all fair and even, and they just ain't. Most people avoid me when I'm angry. They know I'm off somewhere shootin' cans or choppin' wood and it's best ta just let me be.

( *locked from everyone* )

I can't think about this no more. *picks up some cans* I'll be outside.

*locked from everyone*

The day my momma died.

Ain't something I like talkin' about. But she was an amazing woman who did everything she could to hold our family together. Took care of all of us kids, and that wasn't an easy feat.

... maybe I'll talk about it sometime. But that time ain't today. Probably ain't gonna be tomorrow, either.

So much blood. All over the ground and his hands. It should be warm, but his skin is ice cold and so numb, he can't tell.

( Read More... )

Things were perfect. Just him and Lou walking through Willow Springs, arm in arm. Laughing about something Cody had done or said a couple days ago and completely forgetting who they were for a moment. Forgetting who HE was. And then, a nightmare. He heard the shot and ducked down for cover when he saw Lou just standing there. He told her to get down before she got shot, but she didn't move. She tried to say something that he couldn't hear, and then he saw it. Blood. Everywhere. Bleeding through the light blue dress and draining from her face. That was when he'd heard Caulder's voice. "Told you not ta leave me like that, Wild Bill..." His fault. It was all his fault. He was a danger to everyone he loved and now Louise was falling over, bleeding to death in his arms. Because of him.

He bolted upright in the bunk, casting a panicked look around the bunkhouse to make sure no one was awake. Feeling sure enough about that, he laid back down, drooping his arm across his forehead and focusing on his breathing. He was drenched in sweat and tried closing his eyes to focus. But every time he did, her face was there. Beautiful, but not that way. Brown eyes wide and scared with her face growing paler by the second.

No rest for the wicked, James... He forced his eyes closed, making himself see her face in his mind like that. He NEEDED to see it. To remind himself why he would never, ever be able to be with her. He'd never be good enough for her. Never.

What song best describes you and why?

( The Cowboy in Me - Tim McGraw )

I can tell ya one thing about love. It don't make any sense.

( Read More... )

Lots of people back in Missouri and Illinois know who my daddy was. William Alonzo Hickok was one of the most well known abolitionists of his day and a lot of people felt he was a good man. He fought for somethin' I still believe in, but it doesn't make him a good man. Or maybe it does, but... it sure don't make him a good father or a good husband to my momma. Polly Butler Hickok was a gentle lady who took a whole lot more punishment than I think I could ever stand. She took care of the whole lot of us kids and there wasn't a thing in the world she wouldn't do for my daddy. To bad he didn't always feel the same. The Underground Railroad always came first. I learned a hell of a lot from that time, riding with him to Panton's Mills station in the dead of night. A lot of things I learned, I'd like ta forget, too.

But that ain't here nor there anymore, and I ain't in Illinois any more. I'm in Sweetwater and if I were ta be completely honest, the family I got here is just about the best a man could ask for. That ain't sayin' I don't love my brothers and sisters back home, 'cause I do. It's just that I've been through so much with everyone here already. Kid, Cody, Buck, Ike... Lou... they're like brothers to me. Teaspoon's a hell of a man and probably the smartest I know. He don't always make sense sometimes, but when he does, it's like he's openin' a huge door for ya and all ya gotta do is listen to get through it. Aw hell, now I'm soundin' like him.

Anyway, there's the Marshal of Sweetwater, Sam Cain. I think I'd kinda like to be like him one day. He's seen it all, and you can tell sometimes, when he thinks you ain't lookin'. He ain't ever come out and said it, but he used ta be a gunfighter. And he's head over heels for Emma Shannon.

( *locked from everyone* )

I don't suppose I'd trade any of 'em. Well, 'cept maybe Cody when he gets ta talkin'. I swear, he's got a mouth that just don't quit. If he ain't talkin', he's eatin. If he ain't eatin', he's sleepin' and you can bet he's snorin', too. I'd trade him alright, but I don't think I could get anybody ta take him!

Just kidding, Cody. I wouldn't trade you. None of you. Not for anything on this earth.

Sometimes I can't say as I rightly know. Ya see, I've got a bit of a reputation thanks to a fella by the name of J.D. Marcus. He wrote a book about me and the damn thing's nothin' but a bunch of lies. He made me out to be this killer, see? Said I killed 20 men in 18 years. Until he wrote that book, I'd only ever killed one man in a shootout and I didn't really have much choice in that. But now that everyone thinks that I'm this 'Wild Bill' Hickok? I've had to do my share of killin' just to keep myself and my friends alive. So I can tell ya who I AIN'T, but that ain't what I'm supposed ta be talkin' about, I suppose.

( The short version... )

Aw hell. I feel like I'm runnin' off at the mouth here, talkin' about all this. Startin' ta sound like Cody.

Who am I?

I'm James Butler Hickok. Friend. Brother. Holy terror. *smirk* And I ain't 'Wild Bill'.

Character: Jimmy Hickok
Fandom: The Young Riders
Words: A lot.