I Resist the Muses

When I feel down after work, I usually go to the dance clubs downtown so I can forget my life and how much it sucks. I can forget the nagging co-worker, the deaths I have to bring about as part of my job and just how empty everything is. The pulsing music and the lights in these clubs can't help but cheer me up, especially when I deal with ladies dressed up all prettily. Flirting with them is a welcome distraction.

Sometimes I can't stand being around people though, so I sometimes meditate and talk to my god. It doesn't exactly cheer me up, but it does distract me and give me something to focus on other than how I am feeling.

The mother that I never knew. She died giving birth to me or so I was told.

Life would've been so different with her around. I would've actually had a mother instead of a step-mother who never gave a shit about me.

Sometimes I see her in my dreams and I wake up crying.

( cut for mild language )

Drowning. Yeah, that's my worst fear.

See, it's a perfectly legitimate fear for those of my kind. My kind you ask? Well, let's see, I'm a fire mage and in my world, fire mages are so because their soul is literally a fire-spirit and they happen to just live in a human body. Same with any other elemental mage really. So I don't actually burn. That's a good thing because if I did, then I would never be able to do my magic.

The downside is that water makes me weak. I literally cannot learn how to swim because I would lose all strength and drown. I...can take showers and walk in the rain, but I don't particularly enjoy it because it's uncomfortable. I can't take baths though. And I can drink water but only because the human body requires it to function.

Yes, I'm afraid of water in general. I hate rain and I hate getting wet. I hate large bodies of water and I hate puddles.

But what I fear the most is someday drowning in the water I hate so much.

( Cut for Language )

I don't know. I think I'm too young to have loved.

( Discussion of Sex )

Ahaha. Family.

You see, I do have a family but all I really count for in the eyes of my father is being the heir that has magic. There's two types of nobility in Melluma of course and the sole difference between them is if you have magic or not. My father doesn't. In fact, the only reason he married my mother was for her magical ability. It wasn't because of noble blood because she had none and it wasn't because he loved her. She was common born and was taken from her family as a child to be raised by a noble family so she could marry a noble. All common borns with magical abilities are taken from their families in their childhood and either they are introduced into noble society or sent to fight on the battlefield.

But she's dead now. I think it wasn't long after I was born.

My father wasn't really there for me. He was too busy being an important man and so handed me over first to the nurse in the nursery, then to my tutors and finally off to boarding school. He didn't grieve my mother much either because she did what she needed: produce a healthy heir with magical abilities. Most I've gotten from him is money and other material things.

I have a step-mother. She's an older woman who my father soon married after my own mother's death. Another non-magical noble, she wasn't particularly fond of me because I represented the one thing she could never give my father. I had over heard once that before my mother - young compared to my father - was married to him, he was in love with my step-mother and only married my mother because he needed a magical heir to get higher in the world and it really just was all for the Merset family name. And so it is my step-mother that my father really loves and not me or my mother. And I think I'm fine with that.

I'm Tamás Merset. I have another name to add to that, but it seems to be unimportant here because well, there seems to be no need for my mage name (you see, once mages in my world finish their training, they are gifted with a mage name - some of us go by our birth name and some by our mage name).

I work as an enforcer for the anti-cult organization within the Melluman government. My group also covers dealing with what I believe one would call "terrorists" normally. These people threaten my government by preaching democracy and by promoting the corrupted organized religion that went underground once it was banned after the civil war between the clerical and noble classes.

I am also a qualified fire mage and because of this, my job is to...take care of the troublemakers when my partner cannot talk them out of their doings. Because of this, I have to keep what my job is under wraps because otherwise there'd be people out for my blood.

There's not much else to my life other than my job. What else I do with my time is either spend time in the house my father gave me training, going out to clubs to pick up commoners to have sex with or just nothing at all.