I Resist the Muses

For much of my life, my family has meant everything to me. I never knew my mother, as she died when I was born, but I never felt as if I were missing something because she was not here. I have two older sisters who spoiled me quite unashamedly for much of my life, so it always felt as if I had two mothers. My father died when I was twelve, but to be truthful, I always saw Philippe more as my father than older brother. He was the one to whom I turned when I needed advice and guidance.

Except...not this time. Philippe says that I shouldn't be so attached to a mere opera singer, that it's foolish of me to even talk of marriage. He won't allow our union and is threatening to disinherit me if we elope. I don't understand why he is protesting so much - it's not as if he doesn't have his own female companion at the Opera, a dancer. She's his mistress and he won't marry her, he seems to think that this is the correct way of things, but I can't help but see this as less noble. At least my intentions towards Christine are honest and pure. I've never so much as kissed her...but I would like to, very much.

Even though I often say it isn't true, I do care what my family thinks, and it hurts me that they are so set against me marrying Christine. If they would only come to know her as I know her, perhaps that would change things. I know that she is not the same class as we are, but I was never raised to be snobbish and I don't understand why Philippe is acting that way now. Our parents were a love match, why won't he let me have the same?

I am le Vicomte de Chagny - that is enough for most people. My family's name is respected and well-known in all of Paris. My brother, Philippe, is convinced that I shall attain a great rank in the navy and I will bring even more honor to the family name, like our famous ancestor, before I settle down, marry a suitable woman, and have the heirs that he is unwilling to produce himself.

It feels like my whole life has been defined by everyone but me. All of my decisions have been made for me - by my father, my brother, my two sisters - and although I do know that they love me, I wish that they would allow me to make a few mistakes of my own. Well, perhaps Philippe thinks that I've already made that mistake - I've just told him that I want to marry a chorus girl from the Opera. He was not pleased. She is not the suitable woman that he has planned for me.

He doesn't seem to understand that this is my life. Call me rash or newfangled, but I want to marry someone I love, and I love Christine. I don't care if she doesn't have the proper breeding - I don't want a broodmare for God's sake, I want a wife. Philippe has threatened to disown me if I elope with Christine...

I have been a vicomte my entire life. I'm not sure how I will define myself in a few months if Philippe goes through with his threat, but I must admit that the thought of redefining my life is rather exciting.