I Resist the Muses

If you look into your own heart, and you find nothing wrong there, what is there to worry about? What is there to fear? - Confucius

You're kidding me right?

First off no one can say that nothing is wrong in their hearts. Anyone who does is lying or in need of a shrink more than I am.

But let's say that there's nothing wrong with you. The rest of the world is screwed up enough to cover it. Demons, ghosts, you know- the shit that tries to kill you? Unless you're packing major heat, they would scare anyone.

Y'know that's not even the right question to ask. It should be “what to do about your fears?” But whatever man. That's just what I think.

What sets me off? To be honest- a lot of things. I admit it ‘cause it’s not like it’s a secret if you ever met me. Demons. Bad music (which is most music nowadays- C'mon what the hell is up with that? Thank fuck I got the classics.) Self-righteous people are the big one though. They piss me off with their narrow-minded crap. Just, fuck, take the stick out of your ass go get some or something. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you gotta change who you are totally because I don’t believe in that but…loosen up. Damn.

It might have made me throw a punch once or twice. A night.

My greatest fear? I don't have one anymore.

I used to fear that I would end up like my mom and I beat the shit of that fear literally.

I used to fear ending up like my dad and I did. Right around the time my jail cell closed. A lot of good fear did me.

I used to fear being alone but hell people fuck you over so it's not the worst thing in the world.

I guess I got one fear. But I think it's it's what everyone has: that fear that if you let people in, they'll find out you're not got enough. I mean it's stupid and no matter how many times I've been told I wasn't good enough, I just flipped them off 'cause they didn't know me. And I dealt with K getting in and basically telling me I wasn't good enough. If you call that whole bringing back your ex-girlfriend from the dead rather than live one a way of saying that. Which I do.

But I'll get over that. I always do.

Who am I?

Depends on who you ask and when you ask it. Slut, skank, bitch, badass, or hero- I’ve heard them all and most of the time they’re right.

Doesn’t mean anything really. At the end of the day, I’m the one saving their asses from things that they’re stupid enough to pretend doesn’t exist. That’s all they should care about.

Or maybe you really wanna know who I’ve been- the chick who got suspended every other week, the one who mom didn’t love enough, the murderer, the ex-convict. Yeah, hot shit there to put on my application.

None of those do it for you?

Good.

Because really I’m just Faith. And when I know exactly who that is, I’ll think about telling you.




(x-posted in my journal and is open to rp)