I Resist the Muses

So many fears to choose from, yet one stands apart from them all.

My greatest fear is the rise of another dark wizard. It is not a matter of if this will happen, but when. I pray I am not alive to see that day.

My mother and father want me to marry and produce an heir. They once had a selection of pureblood girls picked out for me to choose from. Of course, those girls wouldn’t touch me with a barge pole now. I’m tainted. That suits me just fine, though. They all had horse faces. I'm not joking, one of them actually had hooves.

I am the last of the Malfoy line. I intend it to stay that way. No child or grandchild or great-grandchild of mine will ever have to know the horror that I have.

Hell if I know. What a ridiculous question.

Here Be My Magic (point, swish, shoot, baby oh yeah) by the Three Witches and I? No, no, the tempo is far too fast. And I don’t ever have the urge to ‘get funky with my walnut stick’. I do have good wand control, though.

How about Down Dangerous Dragon by Kick-it-good? My name means dragon, did you know? Or serpent. It’s also a constellation.

No, no, that’s not right either. I need to think of a song that encompasses all of my charm, charisma and magnetism, stunning good looks, immaculate dress sense and to-die-for body. Broom Handle Baby by Shove it and the Ups?

I don’t really know many Muggle songs. Some of the other students used to play music in the common rooms at Hogwarts, but the Slytherins weren’t exactly into all that mudblood mambo. The dungeons were home to a few half-bloods, though and I seem to remember one particular girl who had a thing for a Muggle singer I think was called Wheat Loaf . She used to play this one song over and over again. It was called: I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That). I realise it’s a love song, but it’s also about a feeling being so strong that a man is prepared to do almost anything. That sums up my last two years at school.

That I would do anything for love, and I'll be there til the final act
I would do anything for love, and I'll take a vow and seal a pact

I could so easily have run.

Some might call me a back-stabbing, two-faced snake, but I’ve always been dedicated and loyal to my family. I did terrible things to keep us all alive and, if I had to, I would do those terrible things again.

Wheat Loaf did another song that I remember: Life is a Lemon and I want my Money Back. I think that will be my new anthem.

I think love is a wonderful thing. It’s glorious and painful and addictive and it forces you to feel. To be loved is like being wrapped in a big warm blanket, an expensive one. Love is comforting and to live without it in some form would be like existing as an empty husk. How very bleak indeed.

I have never loved nor been loved romantically (although, I suspect Pansy Parkinson harboured more than a little crush). I haven’t had much time for romance –what with trying to plot, scheme, survive a war, kill people and other such frivolities.

I do love my parents, though, with all my heart (yes, I do have one), and everything I did during my sixth and seventh years at Hogwarts, I did for them, for us. I was prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice for the sake of my family. I was prepared to lose my soul; and I don’t mean to the Dementors.

I am descended from a very old and very wealthy pure-blood wizarding family. I won’t bore you or myself with details, but you must be aware that I only consider my mother and father, Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy, to be my real family.

We are in disgrace. We chose the wrong side during the war and now we are paying the price. I think we probably deserve it.

I care not for blood supremacy or status. I care not for how long the Malfoys and the Blacks have been in existence. I just want to be happy. I just want Mother and Father to be happy. Although I still live at the Manor with them, I am unsure what they want. I’m too afraid to ask.

( I'm apparently supposed to cut for spoilers, whatever that means. It's a liberty, if you ask me )