I Resist the Muses

I have Mother and Father, plus Peter, Edmund, and Susan. There's also Eustace and Jill, as well as Professor Kirke and Aunt Polly. Then there's Mr. Tumnus, who's a dear, dear faun, and my best friend ever, as well as Reepichep, and a more valiant Mouse I've never seen. And the Beavers! Mr. and Mrs. Beaver are here too. Aslan brought us to Narnia one last time, and this time we don't have to go back.

Though... I miss Susan. She's been left on Shadow Earth, and she's all alone now. I sometimes wonder about things I shouldn't. Things I shouldn't even dream of doing, not without asking Aslan, but she's my sister, and we ruled Narnia together from Cair Paravel. It seems so empty without her. Edmund and Peter and I have fits of moping about it, especially when we go to the treasure room, and her bow and horn are hanging on the wall.

Sometimes I think Susan has to find her way here on her own. Sometimes I wonder if she doesn't need a hint or two. But family isn't family until you're all together.

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I remember how cold the winter was, and how dark the trees were. The wind was biting. It nearly cut my cheeks as Tumnus and I ran through the forest, searching out the light of the lamppost. When spring came, it stole my breath in wonder. The sun shone gently on my hair, and later, after the White Witch was defeated - slain by Aslan - a crown sparkled.

I came home to England, back to Professor Kirke's home, and there was never another winter so chill as that first one in Narnia. We grew up again, knock-need and clumsy, trading secret glances when the Macready caught us whispering to ourselves of the warmth of a Narnian summer.

I almost felt an echo of the endless winter later, when we came to Cair Paravel again. When I called to the trees and couldn't wake them from their sleep, I felt as tiny as before Aslan breathed a lion's courage into me.

I've sailed the seas with Caspian, watched Eustace turn from a prat into a brave man, and now I've journeyed to the real Narnia, never to leave again. Sometimes I watch the shadow Earth, and see Susan crying and lonely. Then all I want to do is rush to her, to put my arms around her and be her little sister again.

I'm never any one person any more. Was it easier when I could be?

ooc: xposted to lucythevaliant