I Resist the Muses

What moment from your life do you wish you could re-live again?

If I could relive any moment in my life, it would be any time that my mom was still alive. God, just to be able to see her again for like a minute would be worth it. I don't even care when it would be, just any time that she was alive. I'd even take it when she was yelling at me.

It's strange that I would miss that, but I do. I miss having my mom yell at me for doing something stupid. I have Giles yelling at me, but it's not quite the same. No… you know what moment I'd pick. When it was just the two of us, but Dawn could be there, it was just before she came into our lives. Mom and I were curled up on the couch and we were watching some chick flick. That's the moment I'd relive. A quiet moment, just the two of us.

When we changed the world back in Sunnydale and activated all the Slayers, I became a target. So there are three of me. Me, a Buffy that's literally underground and another one in Rome partying. Do I get the party detail and the great Italian shoes? That would be a no. At least I didn't get the underground detail, still it's kinda weird thinking there are two other people out there with my face. Strange enough to have a Buffybot with my face. And Buffybot… that's a story that I am so not talking about. EVER.

When we were patrolling cemeteries back in Sunnydale, we used to play this game called anywhere but here. Now, when I'm trying to take down a nest of vampires or demons and I have goop that I don't even want to know what it is hanging from my hair, I think of anywhere but here. Instead of picturing what I'm doing, I'm picturing what the other mes are doing. Really, I'm picturing what the Italian me is doing and what great shoe she is trying on.

I’m going to talk to Giles about switching places. Seriously. There should be a perk for being a target. Great Italian shoes is one of them.

My life would be easier if...

I wasn't the only Slayer. That's what I used to think. I used to think if there was an army of Slayers, I could just say screw it and spend the rest of my life being a normal girl.

I mean I paid my dues, right? Saved the world a lot. I deserved to be on the beaches of Maui and looking at all the handsome surfers. Then guess what? It happened. My best friend Willow activated the Slayer line and there are armies of Slayers. Literally. We have state of the art communication and everything. Do you see me on the beaches of Maui? That would be a no. You would see me covered in demon slime.

I realized when I finally had a choice that being a Slayer is more than a destiny, it's who I am. I couldn't stop doing what I do. I mean, how can I stop fighting darkness? I couldn't. I tried, but I couldn't do it. It's what I am. It's who I am.

Who knew that the shallow girl from Hemery High that only wanted to be popular would turn out to be someone that cared and wanted to help?


Muse: Buffy Summers
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Word Count: 198

What is your greatest fear?

My greatest fear? That's easy, failure. Failure to be the mother figure that Dawn needs. Failure to be the leader that the new Slayers look to. Failure to be the Slayer Giles needs me to be. Failure to be the best friend that Willow and Xander needs.

It was so much easier when it was just me. I wouldn't change it. I can't imagine my life without Dawn, Willow or Xander in it, but it was easier. I didn't have to worry about them getting hurt because of me. I know they can take care of themselves, they've proved that, but that doesn't stop the fear. That one day someone will go after them to get to me.

Then there's Dawn. She is my sister whether she was born to my mother or not. I feel a huge responsibility toward her. Not just because she's the 'Key', but I'm all she has left. I can't be the mother that she's missing. I can't be that for her, when I'm looking for the mother I'm missing. It's easy to put a roof over our heads and provide for her that way, but emotionally... not so much. I'm too much of a mess myself, how I can be the strong one?

I guess that's my fear. That everyone will realize that I'm not as strong as they think I am. Underneath the layer of The Slayer, I'm just a girl struggling to find my way in the world.



Muse: Buffy Summers
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Word Count: 246

What are your thoughts on love?

God, I so shouldn't talk about this subject because seriously I suck at love. I have the worst luck with it and I won't even go into the stupid not done baking speech I gave Angel. That was embarrassing and I was tempted to have Willow do a spell to make him forget I said it. Maybe even do a spell to make me forget I said it, but that is so not the point.

( Buffy's failed love life ahead )


Muse: Buffy Summers
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Word Count: 651


Comments/RP Welcome

Family

Family? Wow, that's a complicated subject in the Summers home. I have my mother and my father though not many people know I have a dad. Okay yeah, hello not a test tube baby, obviously I have a father. It's just that he's not around much since we moved to Sunnydale. I get that, I do, I mean when you're a weekend dad and your daughter comes up with excuses why she can't see you because she has to patrol, it gets kinda old.

Then there's my sister Dawn who I can honestly say didn't become a sister to me until we moved to Sunnydale.

[Locked from those that don't know the truth about Dawn]

Dawn is my sister in every way that matters, even by blood. Sure mom didn't give birth to her and she started life as an energy blob that can open portals, but she's a Summers. Dawn has Summers blood no matter how she got that blood.

It was just her and I after mom died. I think the monks forgot I had a dad since he didn't even fight for custody of her. The courts didn't automatically send her to my dad even though she was a minor. For that I will always be grateful to the monks for not knowing and my dad for not being in my life more. I honestly don't think I would have got through those few weeks after mom's death without her. I had Giles, Willow, Xander, Tara and Spike. Yeah, you read that right, I leaned on Spike after mom's death. Dawn leaned on him more, but that also helped me deal. It was Dawn though, needing to be there for her, not letting myself break apart like I wanted to, that helped me the most.
[/Locked]

Last, but not least, we come to the Giles portion of the Summers family saga. Unlike my biological father, or any male in my life, Giles has always been there for me. There was this one time he went back to England, but that had been my fault. I didn't stop him or tell him how much I needed him. Even when he was far away in England, he was still there for me. He's the father I wish I'd had.

See? What did I tell you? Family is complicated in the Summers household.


Muse: Buffy Summers
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Word Count: 383


Comment/RP Welcome

Who are you?

Who am I? I'm a Vampire Slayer, and no that's not me cheating with a what instead of a who. Since I was sixteen and found out that I was the Chosen One that's how I've been defined. I finally had my chance to be normal, to just be Buffy Summers, California Girl when my best friend Willow activated the Slayer line in our battle against the First Evil. Did I? That would be a no. I had a chance to be anything or anyone I wanted, but I didn't take it. Turns out, deep inside, that's what I am. I'm a Vampire Slayer and I finally am okay with it. I'm also Buffy Summers the California girl, a daughter, sister, and best friend.

I grew up in Sunnydale, California. Or as I like to call it, the crater that was formerly known as Sunnydale with my sister, Dawnie Dawn. I also had my watcher, Giles and my two best friends, Willow and Xander to help me get through the Apocalypses, demons and vampires. When I first became a Slayer, it was supposed to be this solo gig. The Chosen One and her Watcher against the forces of darkness. If it had stayed that way, you probably wouldn't be reading this. The Master would have killed me and the Slayer line would have gone on to the next in line. Instead, Willow and Xander helped with the fight. Instead of the Chosen One, we were the Slayer and the Scoobies. We still are.

( Cut for S8 Comic spoilers )
We could have been anything we wanted, done anything we wanted, but we're still fighting the forces of darkness. I guess I'll always be Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They even put that on my tombstone; only they said I saved the world a lot.


Muse: Buffy Summers
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Word Count: 360


Comments/RP Welcome