I Resist the Muses

Mostly, I dream about I time when I can be myself without harm to anyone around me.

[closed]
Being married and having a lover is not how I imagined my life going. I need each person for who they are. I'm not cheating to hurt anyone, but I can't help thinking that is the way it's going.
[/closed]

I want to make a difference in the universe. I want to be the one who has a major art in stopping this senseless war. The universe is big enough for every specie to live in it peacefully.

I want to be the best at what I do. I have to be.



Comments/RP welcome.

Never cooked a thing in my life. I usually get my meals from the processors or from the cafeteria in the Temple. That or the capsules that they force us to wear just in case.

Now, Obi-Wan, he's a pretty good cook. His meals are wonderful. I wish he would cook more, in fact.

Wow, this one seems like a loaded question. Many things would make my life easier.

[closed]*dryly* Being able to be married openly to Padme, is one.[/closed]

... Lots of times I feel misunderstood. People look at me as if I am a virus or worse. I didn't ask for any of this, but still there is no other place I'd rather be. My life helps me feel important.

I guess my life would be easier if I didn't have the need to be the best at everything. That in itself is the source of many fights.

Most of the time I wish people would just let me be. I think whatever gods there are that Obi-Wan knows me well enough to know when I need that quiet time/space.

I do know one thing - my life would NOT be easier with out him.

My partner and I have a wicked sense of humor. Most people think he's too uptight to laugh at just about anything, I have seen him fall out of his chair with laughter. I often catch him laughing at his own private jokes.

True, it's a very dry sense of humor, but one none the less.

Lately, I'm having a harder time finding things to laugh about. War will do that to you, you know. It has a way of stripping away the things that really matter. Why should I laugh when I just spent two days killing thousands of separatists?

Maybe it's because there's less and less time between leave and deployment. There hasn't been ANY in weeks -- except for this hotel that I can't seem to escape from.

Actually, it's not so bad here.

...

I punch something, or some one.

...

I work on R2-D2.

...

I visit Padme.

...

I let it go into the Force like I was taught. It never seems to work though.

What is your greatest loss?

My greatest loss was my mother. Plain and simple. When you're a slave, the only things you have are your family.

When I found out that Watto sold my mother to a moisture farmer, I was skeptical. But hearing how he married her, and treated her like what she was - a person - I knew she was happy there. There she spent the years as a wife and step mother to a loving family.

Then while gathering some mushrooms one morning the Sand People took her. And beat her horribly. She was bloody and broken when I found her. She died in my arms when I was too late to save her.

Then I snapped. I... killed them all. Every stinking one of them met his or her end on my saber that night. Even the children were not so lucky. Even now, years later I have a hard time having remorse for my actions that night.

I'll never be too late to save a person I love ever again. I am the best and brightest of the Jedi, it is not beyond my abilities.

As a Jedi, I am taught to release anger to the force.

But one of the things that motivate me to action are injustice. I do not like to see people hurting each other. I am here to protect those who cannot protect themselves. I take that job very seriously.

That's what it means to be a Jedi.

[private]
My anger is dangerous. It has never been a good thing. I push it away like I'm supposed to but it builds and builds until someone gets hurt. I can't help it. I feel out of control, like a big failure. I can't be the Jedi I should be.

I am not afraid of anything.


Comments/RP welcome.

I feel like no one really understand with it is like to be Anakin Skywalker. Even my closest friends seem to just sort of pat me on the head sometimes when the don't understand. This song really moves me.

( Behind Blue Eyes - The Who )

Comments/RP welcomed.

OOC: I know it's terribly cliche, but it fits him so well.

Why is it so hard to figure out my own thoughts on this subject?

Of course I loved my mother. She gave me everything she ever had. She looked after me even though my birth was somewhat unique.

Qui-Gon was like a father to me. Never had any adult male given two shits about me when I was growing up. After his death,and as I grew up Senator Palpatine seemed to step into that role.

Then my wife, Padme. From the moment I saw her I knew she would be mine. Though I met her when I was merely nine years old, I thought about her everyday until I saw her again when I was nineteen. For me, it was love at first sight.

And my former master... I would do anything to keep him by my side. We are The Team and we will be for the rest of our lives.

Family is the only thing I really have as a Jedi. I think most would look down on me for it perhaps lecturing about no attachments. Honestly how can a person give up the feeling of family when it was all you knew?

As a slave, the only things we were truly allowed to have were each other.

When I became a Jedi, my family grew. Not only did I have my mother --if only in my heart-- I also became a part of a brotherhood. The highest masters would deny the brotherhood, but never-the-less it was there.

Eventually I married. I knew that my mother would be very proud to have a daughter-in-law. Unfortunately, I think she would have been the only one delighted. Maybe my former Master would be pleased too, but I am not certain of that. My instincts tell me he'd think I was failure. That I failed him.

The Chancellor is another. No one has ever had the patience and the time to really hear me. Oh, Obi-Wan guides me, he gives me a hand, but it always seems to be that his advice fits into someone's agenda. Palpatine is the only one that's ever really listened.

These are my family now. And though they are not perfect, they are mine.



Comments welcomed.

That's easy. Officially I'm Anakin Skywalker, a Commander in the Grand Army of the Republic. I'm one half of the team Kenobi-Skywalker, the go-to guys of the galaxy, the best Jedi pair that ever was.

Inside, I am more than that. I am a person. Though it is not allowed, I am a husband and lover. I would surely be expelled from The Order if anyone knew. Hell, I'd be expelled if any of them know how much I still attached to my former Master Obi-Wan. Besides the fact that Obi-Wan would kill me if he knew about my wife.

Even though I was taught to suppress my feelings, I've never been very good at it. In fact, I've never been good at the things that most Jedi can do with no effort. But I stay. This is my dream - to be a Jedi. It's where I belong.