ATTENTION SCAMPERING MAGGOT-INFESTED MASSES.
First off. Metaphorical hat off to whatever brilliant walking cum-stain invented the mini-computer. MORE INFORMATION THAN YOUR TINY PEA-BRAIN CAN HANDLE, in the PALM OF YOUR FUCKING HAND. Genius. My brain may be currently melting out my ears from sensory overload, but it's possibly the most educational and enlightening death in the history of the universe and time itself. Like being killed with an atom bomb filled with pop culture and news feeds instead of uranium. Arming the masses with easy-to access information in chunks that are small enough for even the most cranially challenged drone to digest from anywhere in the entire fucking world? Brilliance. Sheer and utter brilliance. I think I may need to hole myself up in this flea-ridden excuse for an apartment for the next week while I get re-acquainted with this Brave New World of ours. If anyone could tell me where the nearest Indian place is that both delivers and has samosa that comes with chutney that almost burns your tongue off, it would probably speed the process.