Buffy Anne Summers (trueslayer) wrote in voicesinmyhead, @ 2007-06-29 08:35:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | buffy summers, prompt #03 |
Prompt 3 - Thoughts on Love [Open]
What are your thoughts on love?
God, I so shouldn't talk about this subject because seriously I suck at love. I have the worst luck with it and I won't even go into the stupid not done baking speech I gave Angel. That was embarrassing and I was tempted to have Willow do a spell to make him forget I said it. Maybe even do a spell to make me forget I said it, but that is so not the point.
Right, love. Love hurts. Yeah, I'm not little Miss romantic about love anymore. When I was little, I wanted a prince. I wanted a tall, dark, handsome stranger to come in and sweep me off my feet. You know that phrase, be careful for what you wish for... yeah. Angel. He was everything I had ever wished for and everything I ever wanted... except he was a vampire.
I could overlook that, and did. The heart wants what it wants and you can't make it love someone, or not love someone. But then there was the curse. If Angel had one moment of pure happiness. If he forgot for an instant about the pain that he'd caused as Angelus, his soul would leave. Sure, okay we could have been fine with the curse, if we had known about it before. We didn't, so we did... umm, Angel had his moment of happiness.
When he came back from Hell, (a long story and for another time) I would have gladly stayed with him. I didn't care about being physical, I just wanted to be with him, but he left. He said it was too hard. It might have been the right thing to do, but I hated him when he broke my heart. He wanted to give me a chance at life, to move on and not have the temptation of Angelus, I get that, but I still hated him for it.
Next, in the Buffy tour of failed love comes Riley Finn. He was 'normal' and knew about demons and he loved me. What more could a girl want, right? Apparently, this girl wanted something else. I drove Riley away. I didn't mean to, and I did love him in my own way. I just didn't love him the way he deserved to be loved. I guess I didn't love him enough. But that's Buffy for you. Never enough.
I wasn't enough for Angel to stay, I didn't have enough love for Riley, and now we come to Spike. The complicated portion of Buffy's love life.
There are so many aspects of love and I think I've experienced them all except maybe the creepy stalker love unless you count that time with Angelus.
I loved Spike, I really did. Even with our messed up relationship I loved him. He was the only person that has ever been there for me no matter what. When everyone else turned their back on me, he was there. Whenever I needed someone to take care of Dawn or my mother, he was the only person I trusted enough to do that. Ironic, considering our history together.
What I had with Spike was a needy love. He needed me and I needed him. It wasn't healthy and it wasn't the best. It was what it was. It didn't make the emotion of love any different. I was just never in love with Spike. I wish I could have been. Not that I saw him as the other half of my soul or anything. That will always be Angel, but I wanted to give Spike what he deserved before he sacrificed himself with the First Evil. I couldn't even do that. I told him I loved him, but he knew I didn't. Not in that way. I hope he found peace and I hope in his next life that he finds someone to love him the way he deserves to be loved.
Muse: Buffy Summers
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Word Count: 651
Comments/RP Welcome