I Resist the Muses

The death of my enemies.

When they die by my hand I laugh and I laugh because it is exhilarating to do so. I like the feel of the cruel smile that I make and the triumph is euphoric.

Most would call me insane for finding the pain and death of my enemies to be amusing, but honestly what passes for entertainment for most people bores me. Jokes are often painfully stupid and silly behavior vexes me more than it amuses me.

I...do not know what to say to say to this. I have been "sad" in the past I suppose, but it was never that passive sort of "feeling blue" that others describe. I am disappointed and angered more often than saddened. In fact, I do not remember the last time I allowed myself to indulge in being sad if ever.

( [OCC: Cut for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows spoilers] )

Ahaha. This is an interesting question to answer.

Well, I am one of those people who are quite notorious for their temper, but I do try to keep it under control for the sake of composure. However, there are times in which it makes me a bit reckless and it is under those circumstances that I can...make mistakes. Not something I would like to admit to often, but I suppose that's why Potter's been so lucky as to escape from me so many time. He simply angers me and causes me to lose my temper because he seems to always know precisely what annoys me whether it be his mere existence or his needling words.

He's not the only thing that causes me to lose my temper of course, but he's been the one that's been on my mind the most as of late. I know he's going to try and fight me again, it's inevitable and so I worry about it, especially since I'm not quite sure what he's doing anymore. Severus isn't much help, especially after Dumbledore's murder.

But as to other things that cause me to lose my temper? Well, such things as having incompetent followers and I tend to show that temper by torturing them with the Cruciatus curse. Dumbledore has also caused me to lose my temper in the past because he has the same ability as Potter to needle me with pointless talk about me. He never did quite get it through his head that I am not to be called "Tom" anymore.

...Now that I think about it, it is difficult for me to list all the things that make me lose my temper, but the ones I have talked about are the major ones.

I fear death.

( Okay, it's not as simple as that. )

I occasionally find something worthwhile in the muggle (non-magical) world and often that is music. It's an amusing thing that muggles are capable of creating nuclear bombs, which can cause far more massive destruction than any wizard could achieve, but also create beautiful things as well. Of course, magic is more beautiful than anything they could produce, but I do have to occasionally give them credit.

Here in this strange...hotel, I guess you would call it, I have discovered a song by a group called Depeche Mode. I found that the lyrics really did suit me as you could say and the feel of the song just fit.

Morality would frown upon
Decency look down upon
The scapegoat fate's made of me
But I promise now, my judge and jurors
My intentions couldn't have been purer
My case is easy to see

I don't intend on ever saying sorry for what I do because I believe I am justified.

I've been told many things about love. That it's more powerful than anything I have known personally, that was from Albus Dumbledore of course. I've also been told that love is useless unless you stand to gain from it. I tend to fall in the second camp.

I will be honest and say that I don't think I've ever truly experienced what this love thing is, but it seems to be a pretty pathetic thing when it just seems to override one's sense of self-preservation. You know, when people claim that they'd die for another. I don't think I could ever die for another because I treasure myself too much. I am too selfish to love and perhaps that is a good thing.

However, it would be foolish of me not to believe that love and self-sacrifice does have power. After all, that is what caused me to lose my body when I tried to kill Harry Potter. His muggleborn mother sacrificed himself for him (I told her that she need not lose her life, but mothers are complicated things) and her love and self-sacrifice...well, let's just say that brat seems to have had far too much luck since then.

So I know it exists, but it is not the most powerful thing in the world. Or so I would like to think.

Still, I would rather live than die for someone else.

( [Private] )

Family is one of those luxuries that I haven't been able to have. I grew up as an orphan in the muggle part of London, knowing that my mother was dead and falsely believing that my father would be looking for me if he knew I existed. But as it always turns out with such things, that these were just the delusions of a young child yearning for affection.

( I've thrown all those pathetic desires away... )

Who am I indeed.

( Perhaps I will start with my name... )