I Resist the Muses

"My greatest loss." His voice is flat. He rises from the bed, walks over to the window to finger a curtain and trace its ( patterns. )

Trust me... quite a few things. I shall save myself the grief and you the great boredom of having to listen to an account of the most spectacular instance I lost my temper, and regale you with a more a uplifting story instead.

Having said that, allow me a preamble. Now, what does make me lose my temper?

Duplicity, incompetence, having to slog through winter marshes, being cooped up under boiling roofs, waiting, dangling, being hampered by other people's slowness, yes: slowness, such as on the part of my various useless brothers-in-law, et caetera, et caetera. But it's duplicity that irks me most; ( duplicity, coupled with infamy. )

"If your number one goal is to make sure that everyone likes and approves of you, then you risk sacrificing your uniqueness and, therefore, your excellence."

Oh, where did you find that? It sounds like Niccolò, although less convoluted. Ma, bene. Bear in mind that Niccolò wrote for Medici, his last attempt at bootlicking if you will, and such advice given to a ruler he professed to hate before... advice to crush the opposition - upfront, visibly, ruthlessly, if at all possible: pre-emptively... is best coated with the sugar of verbosity to make it grandiloquent, humanist, and most learnèd.

And yet: colour me surprised you would phrase it thus, with so little ado, so stingy on the sable lining. I fear there's a possibility I may have misread you; perhaps you're on about individuality and friendship and other such silly things? Perhaps you're simply trying to teach people to love themselves more? What a ghastly notion. Go right ahead and give the serfs ideas.

( Now, as Niccolò said... )

"Any man who has the guts to sell his soul for love has the power to change the world."

Interesting. Perhaps not an entirely honourable sentiment, but a powerful proposition, I'm sure. Do I concur? No, I do not. As it is, I beg to differ most emphatically. For in my role as cardinal, I am held to extol the power of agape, of caritas, and not the kind of eros that prompts men to sell pertinent parts of themselves... such as their eternal soul. And as a condottiere, I can only laugh at such a statement; it's swords and cannons that change the world, bulls and treaties, red hot blood and red hot seal wax - not some lovelorn idiocy.

Come now, be rational.

The man who sells his soul for love falls first.

Would it be wise if I told you? What sort of man bares his greatest fear to the world, to be made jest of, and to invite the scorn of his fellow men? And worse, you'd scribble it down and pass it around, send to Napoli and Paris, to Castile, and La Reina would clap her hands in delight, redoubling her efforts to make it so. ( No, I deem it most unwise to discourse on this. )

What Song Best Describes You And Why?

So we had Desprez, and we had Isaac, but I think Father was secretly frothing that Juan del Encina was working for the Catholic Majesties. (Please... Catholic Majesties. May I say that epithet is entirely undeserved and a joke to boot?) As a converso, del Encina would have been better off in Rome, and it goes without saying that it would have benefitted his music, too, heavy and dreary as it is with the sheer melancholy of the Spanish Court. Ma, bene. At times he hit a nerve, touched a chord. I've always liked his

Todos los bienes del mundo.

The lyrics go like ( this. ) I thought he was right, Encina, and I thought... my virtù would endure. My house, my children would thrive. My plans would come to fruition, my honour restored by the Emperor himself. Recently it has been pointed out to me that "a better song by far," my opposite insisted, was

The Man Who Sold The World

which they no doubt believed a clever commentary on a temporary reversal of fortune and my squandering the Spanish votes in that... that ill-begotten conclave. What can I say. Perhaps they're right. ( I thought you died alone, a long long time ago... )

( There was snow on the ground when we escaped from Velletri. )

Do you believe in an afterlife? If so, what do you expect to find when you get there?

There was a time I was convinced it might look a little like what you'd find in Dante - the deep chasms of Hell, the Circles, the meticulous hierarchy of crime and sin to earn you your station. Machiavelli allegedly said that he would be quite content with going to Hell: at least there he'd be in the company of popes, princes, and philosophers. I naturally assumed that I was destined for the same; not so much due to my sins - rumoured, imagined, or otherwise - but because indeed, everybody who had ever been somebody, with capital S, dwelt down in the Inferno. Purgatorio and Paradiso seemed positively dull in comparison.

Certainly not alluring enough to mend one's ways, enter a monastery, or found a charity.

After a while I stopped imagining the afterlife. I had too much on my hands, simply trying to survive. In the end I found, much to my dismay, that the beyond consisted of an unending chain of mishaps. Of waking in the rain and crawling through the mud, of getting lost in the woods, one rainy morning in March. It consisted of a thousand regrets, and of unquiet graves. Of bones that crumbled when they were lifted from a hollow carved underneath Calle de la Rua.

I've heard it said that only those who are forgotten are truly dead. What, do you think, does happen to them then? Do they fade, losing both will and presence? Is there a black veil to descend on them, to softly close their eyes? Fingers that press into their mouths to silence them forever?

I don't know. At this point in time I would prefer not to think about it.

"There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you." - Maya Angelou

Yes. And no.

There are stories you keep close to your breast because they're your trump cards. Your investment, the thumbscrews you can tighten at will. They're versions of one and the same event or circumstance, and the things you'll omit or stress depend on the person you have in front of you.

Are you serious and honest, always, every day, at every hour? Or do you rather... present different angles of yourself? Think of a story, any story. You tell it to your sister, your father, your lover, your subordinates, your closest friends. You divulge it to your confessor, your bankers, your creditors, your accusers, your defenders. I promise you: you will never tell it the same way twice, for it will change, depending on whom you're addressing.

The one thing that may hurt, from time to time, is that you forget which version was the one closest to the truth, for the pesky thing has grown twisted with each telling.

And then there are stories I've never told anyone because they were unthinkable, unspeakable. Those have changed as well, over time. They've been weathered by hatred, nurtured by fear, seasoned by my anger, and at last, whittled down to nothing, lost the moment they could have taken shape. They don't hurt anymore. Not overly much, I think.

Besides; who should I tell them to.

Character: Cesare Borgia
Fandom: Cantarella/history
Prompt: #20: "Love Bites"
Rating: PG-13
*****

"That." Cesare sucks in his lower lip, does his best to keep a straight face, looks to the floor, but ere long his shoulders are shaking with silent ( laughter. )

Character: Cesare Borgia
Fandom: Cantarella/history
Prompt: #19: In your time of need who will you turn to?
Rating: PG-13
*****

God, of course, ( who is magnificent enough to forgive my lies. )

Character: Cesare Borgia
Fandom: Cantarella/history
Prompt: #18: What was your most embarrassing moment?
Rating: PG-13
*****

( You really need to know, don't you. Fine then. )

Character: Cesare Borgia
Fandom: Cantarella/history
Prompt: #17: What is the best -- or worst -- advice you have ever received?
Rating: PG
*****

( Granted, it wasn't one of my more splendid ideas. )

Character: Cesare Borgia
Fandom: Cantarella/history
Prompt: #03 - What are your thoughts on love?
Rating: PG-13
*****

It’s overrated.

How’s that for a quick and simple answer?

( What do you want me to do, sing you a motet full of sweet pain, painted in allegories, soaring with perfect pitch and harmony, something that gives you a glimpse of what I had, and what I’ve lost? )

Character: Cesare Borgia
Fandom: Cantarella/history
Prompt: #02 – Family.
Rating: PG-13
*****

Best pull up a seat; asking a Borgia about family will invariably lead to a ( lengthy discourse. )

Character: Cesare Borgia
Fandom: Cantarella/history
Prompt: #16 – What moment from your life do you wish you could re-live again?
Rating: PG
*****

I cry you mercy; allow me not one, but two moments? They would depend on what version of my tale your prefer.

( The first... )

( As for the second, the real moment... )

( May I have a third? I'm known to be greedy. )

Character: Cesare Borgia
Fandom: Cantarella/history
Prompt: #15 – Mistaken Identity
Rating: PG-13
*****

Hm. Let me think. There are several possible answers to that – provided it was a question at all. Do you mean to ask, was I ever taken for somebody else? Unlikely. ( Unless I wanted to. )

Character: Cesare Borgia
Fandom: Cantarella/history
Prompt: #1 - Who am I?
Rating: PG
*****

By your leave. Allow me to introduce myself. ( Read more... )

Character: Cesare Borgia
Fandom: Cantarella/history
Prompt: #14 - Dreams
Rating: PG
*****

They say a failsafe method to have strange dreams is to think about what you did that day before you fall asleep. I've heard this only recently, I'll admit, but it rings true. It explains many a scare I received in Morpheus' arms. And I'm not referring to your usual parade of leering succubi. Or incubi, for that matter.

The most terrible dream I ever had, though, was not a ( figment of the mind. )

Character: Cesare Borgia
Fandom: Cantarella/history
Prompt: #13 - Are you superstitious?
Rating: PG
*****

No. Yes. Of course. Aren't we all? I recall paying Messer Behaim a good many ducats to cast my horoscope, even if I stopped reading it after ( a certain point. )