I Resist the Muses

Uh, is it really pathetic of me to admit that the first song that comes to me is from this crappy country show I watched as a kid? If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all! Gloom, despair and agony on me! Seriously, I have the weirdest luck.

How about I Love Rocky Road? Gotta love Weird Al. And I love just about anything by Pasty Cline, especially when I'm sad and depressed. And I played Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue for three days straight when Cordy and I broke up. There isn't anything like good country music to make you more miserable.

Seriously though, if I had to pick just one I'd say it's Hakuna Matata from the Lion King movie. I mean, for one, it's a great song, sung by a farting warthog and a sarcastic meerkat. I mean, what guy wouldn't love that? And it's sung by the sidekicks and comic relief and hey, that's me. I used to resent it, but I've learned that, sometimes, being funny is worth its weight in gold.

I also like the song because it means no worries. Actually, according to the lecture Wills gave me and Jesse about it, it's Swahili for "There are no worries here." I know in the movie it kinda made Timon and Pumba seem lazy, but I like to think about it as focusing on the now. I mean, if I really started thinking about all the vampires and demons and people trying to open up hell dimensions and destroying the world, I'd go nutso. Well, more nutso than I am now. I'd much rather worry about what I'm doing now or my next shift at work. Don't get me wrong, if I see something happening I'll do something, but I don't go all Lone Scooby and go looking for trouble.

Gads. You people ask some really difficult questions, don't you?

Love. Love makes you do incredibly stupid things for good reasons, and really smart things for bad ones. It's embarrassing and awful and wonderful all at once.

Profound? Maybe. It's better than Willow's "Love makes you do the wacky."

Uh, is there a ticky box marked other I can choose? Take my family, please?

Yeah, you could say my blood relations and I don't get along very well. I think my Dad wishes he’d pushed Mom down the stairs more often in her first trimester. I bet they don't even realize I haven't been home in almost a year.

Then there's my Uncle Rory. He's a taxidermist but not a very good one, if there is such a thing. He tends to get drunk and put the glass eyes in wrong so all the little dead critters are cross eyed. It would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic. The Harris Family Gatherings are what White Trash Christmas Specials are made of.

Then there's my real family, the people I'm related to in no way whatsoever. Willow, my heart-sister. Buffy, protector and annoying big sister rolled into one. Giles, mentor, teacher, father. Oz, the wacky cousin. And Cordelia, the ex-girlfriend who ruled my life with an iron fist for a time. I've got to say, I'm glad we made up over the prom dress thing; I don't know who I'd insult if I didn't have her in my life.

Okay, that's not true. I'd call Deadboy up in L.A. in the middle of the day to tell him his hair looks stupid. And he dresses funny.

That's a good idea actually, I wonder if he's listed in the yellow pages? Then I can annoy him long distance.

Still, everyone goes on and on about how blood is thicker than water. Well I'll tell you, if you're in the desert on your last legs, which would you want more, blood or water? I'll take the family I chose for myself, thank you. BFF means more to me than DNA.

Even if it is really girly.

You know, it's funny but I've spent the better part of a year trying to figure that out. I've been called a geek, nerd, zeppo, donut boy, whelp, moron . . . well, you get the picture. It's funny, but it was someone who tried to kill me who gave me my favorite nickname.

( The Slayer's White Knight. )