zombieland

I need to borrow you to perform a spell. It's best you cancel whatever tired plans you have today, niece.

So, any thoughts on our new neighbors?

Dean
I hear you're a vampire now.

Mikaelsons plus Hayley
Were you ever going to tell me about Lucien and his serum that allows him to kill an original with his bite?

How did this happen?

Niklaus?

It has come to my attention that I've been the villain in everyone's story. I want to apologize greatly for my misdeeds. All I want is love and acceptance from all. I will bring honor and respect back to the Mikaelson name.

Who would like to be the first to step into the light and embrace our new relationship?

Nothing quite like a private hell to keep you on a timeout.

What have I missed?

Hayley
I suppose I should thank you. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt my family.

Kol
You're awake? Where are you?

Just a daily reminder that I'm still here and am not going anywhere. You know, to anyone who might have thought otherwise. Caroline.

I've known Marcel to be malicious when he wants to be but this is a little overly dramatic even for him. When I find that little witch I'm going to rip out her bloody spine and feed it to her.

Someone want to tell me what the hell is going on and how it's possible for the dead to be walking about as they are?

This is some shit.

I'm bored. Someone play with me.

Is anyone going out sometime soon? Could use a couple of things for housekeeping.

[Council]
You all know that thing going on with that Gossip Girl? I can help you with that. I'm sure of it.

[Jason]
You settling in alright? You're not causing any trouble, are you?

You know what? Yeah. I did it. I had sex with Kol. And I'm not sorry either.

I'm not sorry that I'm no longer your perfect little Elena as Kai so aptly put it. I'm not sorry that I got tired of pain being my constant, my 'normal'. I'm not sorry that most of you are probably going to get yourselves killed here, just like you did back home, and that for the first time in my entire life, I'm not suffering.

If you seriously want me to flip the switch back, it's because you enjoy my suffering. You're a... a low key sadist. Or is it a masochist? Wait, masochism is when you enjoy your own pain, right? Klaus, help me out. I know you know this.

You know what? No. It doesn't even matter. This is my life and from now on, I hold all the cards.

The Elena Gilbert you knew is dead and she's not coming back so get used to it.

I live for me now.

And here I thought life inside the prison would be dreadfully boring.

//Kol//

Well. How was it then? I hope your first doppelganger experience wasn't a disappointment. I, for one, am hardly disappointed by Damon's reaction.

I would literally kill for some actual carne asada fajitas.

[Derek]
I am going out.

When things get stressful I usually want to bake. I wouldn't mind doing that for ya'll. I ain't that great of a cook I don't think but I'm not bad.

Eric
I worry for you. A lot of people died here recently Weren't we connected? Didn't you sense that I was in danger?

Kol
Are you alright?

The dead can be alive here?

Hello, citizens of Everett. For those who do not know me my name is Eric Northman. Myself and my progeny Pam run the bar Fangtasia.

I'm sure there are many rumors about what goes on here. I wish to assure any and all humans that you will be under my protection inside of my bar. Nobody will harm you or bite you without your consent. This is a promise that I make, to rip off the head of any vampire who dares to harm a human in my bar. My sincerest wish is to provide a mutual place for vampires and humans to socialize and create opportunities for mutually beneficial relationships.

I am currently hiring new bartenders, security staff, and dancers. Please inquire within.

Uh... This is not how that was supposed to go. they're gonna kill me.

Josie? Mom?

What in the world? I know this ain't Bon Temps.

If I'm supposed to truly believe that my presence here is a fluke and not the doing of someone who wishes me ill will, well, I'm afraid you've drafted the wrong hybrid.

And since I have a daughter in mourning and a city on fire, I'd suggest you promptly return me lest you incur my wrath which has been percolating for the utter decimation of those purist nightwalkers.

If you doubt what I'll do to anyone who gets in the way of my plans, feel free to have a chat with Katerina Petrova. Oh, wait; you can't.