zombieland

Okay, so I just need everyone to know that wasn't me.

I'm going out for a run.


[Laura]

Are you settling in alright?

... I didn't do it.

[FILTERED TO FRIENDS OF BONNIE BENNETT]

Hi, you guys don't know me, my name is Maggie and I'm new here. I just thought you might want to know that something is wrong with your friend Bonnie. I don't know exactly...what it is. But I know it's not normal.

...This wasn't supposed to happen.

And the plot thickens.

Attention vampire citizens of Everett. For a while I have been wary of how to come about with this information that I have kept to myself. However, I realized a few days ago that I can no longer hide who I truly am from you. As vampires you all deserve someone of power and respect. Someone who has a bloodline that is untainted and pure. Thankfully, I come from a vampire lineage of great importance. I was born a natural vampire which is rare. I believe I am the only one fit for this role...

You may all refer to me as King David. I have begun recruiting followers and I have means to rule over the entire vampire race. All vampires will bend the knee - whether by choice or by force.

Now then - questions?

Apparently Stefan is strictly into dick now.

Bonnie
You and Damon, eh?

Buffy & Vicki
How badly do you hate the Salvatores?

What has that godawful knife done this time?

And here I thought hell would be a little more.. eventful. Maybe some fire. Kind of a let down if you ask me.

Might be about time to take another trip.

[Nora]
Can you wiggle those pretty fingers and make sure I am protecting from Kai's mind fuck?

[Bonnie]
Stay safe, love.

I guess we can add strange dreams that feel like memories to the list of things this place does.

You'd think in a bloody zombie apocalypse that women wouldn't find a place to shop. I don't even recognize my cabin anymore.

Uh, guys?

Back from my trip and it seems I missed quite a bit. Anyone care to fill a bloke in?

I think it is time to do some sightseeing.

[Damon]
How do you feel about that Vampire Authority? Never been a big fan of bloody leadership myself, but doesn't look like I get a real say in this.

[Bonnie]
I wish you remembered, love.

[Dominique]
I'm going away for a bit, poppet. Do be careful when talking to strange vampires. Not all of them are as awesome as I am.

Well, can't say I missed the dramatics of the whole high school experience. Didn't think I'd bloody have to put up with them in a zombie world.

We going to gossip about how Timmy and Sally made it to second base at the football game next?

Bloody Hell. This isn't quite the amount of distance I meant to put between us.

Now, where am I?