zombieland

Going on a run in ten minutes, anyone that wants to join can use this as hands-on training.

Lost: one twin sister.

Answers to Lizzie.

If found please return to Josie.

How am I going to do this without her?

O, wherever you are, be okay.

There is something about things going mildly calm that bothers me. Now I guess I just wait for the storm to hit?

I would literally kill for some actual carne asada fajitas.

[Derek]
I am going out.

Hey there, Pacific West Coasters. It's me, your new best friend, Gossip Girl.

They say zombie apocalypses can be pretty stressful and we all know that stress is just so bad for the skin. So break out your Kiehl's and BYOB because it's the end of summer which means it's time for a symbolic bonfire. And the scoop I've got for you will be just enough to keep you warm all night.

1. A Drug Dealer and a Guardian Walk Into a Bar...

Let's start things off the old-fashioned way with a hot tip on a blossoming romance. Sources say a former Golden Boy turned Everett's very own Pablo Escobar ran into a bit of a predicament the other night. Fortunately, his boyfriend was there to splash some cold water on the lady vampires just dying to get their hit of Pablo. And here our money was on E and a certain shadowhunter who turned Z-Day into a Meg Ryan movie. We were skeptic, but the pictures Clar-ly don't lie:



2. Hungry? I've got a Lissa' People.

While the prison crew has been in quite the tizzy after someone took a bite of a banshee, curiouser still is the case of a certain vampire who's been treating the male prison population like her own personal feeding trough. It seems as though E is pimping Pablo out to his friend to keep her satiated in ways he never could. It's what our good friend the Sheriff refers to as "mutually beneficial". I'd be careful though if I were you, L: it'd be a real Drag if he went and got addicted to you...

As for the other Walking Juicebox? So glad you asked.

3. Terminal-ly Dysfunctional

Life is a Witch and then you die. Still trying to get a piece of that apple pie? Smart move considering we've always heard that a good high leads to the munchies. What else was L to do? After all, S had already done her part for the day considering the fact that she saved you from that upgraded zombie and not the other way around. Transgenic? More like, pathetic. Inquiring minds want to know why it was such a big secret, though. Seems to Gossip Girl that nearly getting killed was already the Maximum of consequences but there's still something else that A was very, very afraid of.

4. Aww, Sookie Sookie, Now.

Vampire thirst is nothing new but how about thirsting for vampires? A little birdie told me that a not so little blonde has been lusting after one of our own undead despite dual rejections of vampires that had actually been lusting for her. Don't take it so hard, boys: word on the street is that she just wants some of that Original flavor. Can't blame a girl. July was hot, who didn't need a Kold one?

5. Kol-d Day in July

Our guess is that Kol Mikaelson is going to need a doppelganger of his own to keep up with all this D-mand. What better way to let bygones be bygones than to boldly bang the sister of the guy that killed you dead? Or maybe we're mistaking reconciliation for some good old fashioned revenge? They say it's a dish best served cold, but we heard that this was dished up hot. Time to Evaluate your priorities. It seems like turning it all off was a real turn on.

And now, for a bonus not-so-blind item to cap off our first ever round up. A cherry on the top of these just desserts:

A Damon in the Buff

Congratulations are in order for the oldest Salvatore brother. It seems he's the proud new papa of a beautiful bouncing baby slayer? That's right, you heard me. Summers over, kids. Hope you're ready for the Fall...

That's all for now but don't fret, you won't have too long to miss me before I'll be back with another piping hot pot to stir.

You know you love me.

xoxo
Gossip Girl

And here I thought life inside the prison would be dreadfully boring.

//Kol//

Well. How was it then? I hope your first doppelganger experience wasn't a disappointment. I, for one, am hardly disappointed by Damon's reaction.

Just putting this out there. Me and Eddie are not boyfriends. Dan Gossip Girl is 100 percent lying.

Private to Lissa and Eddie
I didn't tell anyone. I don't know how she found out.

Where are you?

We need to leave.

You know what? Yeah. I did it. I had sex with Kol. And I'm not sorry either.

I'm not sorry that I'm no longer your perfect little Elena as Kai so aptly put it. I'm not sorry that I got tired of pain being my constant, my 'normal'. I'm not sorry that most of you are probably going to get yourselves killed here, just like you did back home, and that for the first time in my entire life, I'm not suffering.

If you seriously want me to flip the switch back, it's because you enjoy my suffering. You're a... a low key sadist. Or is it a masochist? Wait, masochism is when you enjoy your own pain, right? Klaus, help me out. I know you know this.

You know what? No. It doesn't even matter. This is my life and from now on, I hold all the cards.

The Elena Gilbert you knew is dead and she's not coming back so get used to it.

I live for me now.

I don't understand, how why am I here?

Yeah, okay, see, this? Not gonna work for me. I'm starting college in like two weeks. College! My life was going to be so normal, for once. Minus the slaying and patrols.

So how many zombies do I have to kill before I get to go home? Ballpark figure.