Hello to all the new lovely belles and awesome gents in the house! And all the cool dudes and foxy ladies I already know. And dogs and cats and whatever else we've got now. (Fish? Didn't somebody have a fish?)
I'm Jack, Zenith's chef-in-residence/morale specialist/undisputed (read: unchallenged and nobody really cares) juggling champ/blond beefcake #1 or #2 (We'll armwrestle for it later, Owen-Wait, fuck that. Souffle contest?). I hang out a lot in the kitchen, and the bar, and the hot tub when Zenith's snowmageddon game isn't running so strong. Or sometimes even when it is.
In addition to probably wondering why the hell I'm so chipper (currently one part espresso, one part bourbon, and two parts my natural awesomeness), most of you new kids are dealing with a Skittles bag of seriously fucked up emotions right now, right? We've all been there. It sucks, it's scary, and having a whole house full of people you don't know is pretty much the stale, shitty croutons on the world's shittiest suck salad. We're good people just trying to make the best of whatever the hell this is supposed to be, but you guys don't know that yet, and right now we kind of don't have a really stable venue to help out with that.
And this is generally where I come in!
Fun Zenith Fact: We used to have a lot of house meetings. Basically when something was going wrong, or everyone needed a group update on something, we'd meet in the dining room, have a good meal together, and powwow. We haven't really done that in a while, and kind of not often when there wasn't something actually happening. I don't think the holiday party counts when there's that high of a chance of so many of us getting shitfaced. Mostly me. Super fun, but not uber conducive to team building, m'thinks.
So, I submit for the approval of the....I guess
brunch society (fuck, how is it almost noon)? We should reinstate group dinners. Or lunches. Brunches? Edwin, what's the Lord of the Rings joke about how much hobbitses eat? Maybe once a week if we can manage it? I don't mind cooking that often, and I know I can swindle awesome people into helping like always. We can chow on good food, air out any questions anyone has, deal with any minor issues or concerns, tell witty anecdotes, share some good "Yo Mama" jokes (I need new material, that well's pretty dry. And yes, they
are still funny. Fight me on it.
Not you, Cecilia.).
I vote the day after tomorrow, as long as nothing weird happens, we do either a big brunch or a big dinner. "What the hell does he mean
as long as nothing weird happens?" some of you new, sweet summer children might be asking. Well, once in a while the world's dickiest bags behind the cameras like to throw things at us. Challenges, puzzles, obstacle courses, flocks of suicidal birds, horribly racist 1950s simulators, basement trolls. You get the idea. If something comes up where we can't do a meal on the day we plan on it, it automatically gets moved to the following day, unless that gets fucked up too.
So, I need you guys to do a few things for me in the comments to this post. This goes for newbies and oldbies alike.
1. Say if you would rather do lunch or dinner this time around.
2. Tell me some of your favorite foods! Give a list of your top five or so, and we'll see what we can do.
3. List any food allergies or dietary regulations you follow. (Do you eat kosher? Are you vegan? Can you not have gluten? Strict Breatharian?)
4. Just for shits and giggles, and a little to get the ball rolling, what's the weirdest food you've ever eaten?
I'm torn between casu marzu (which I do NOT recommend), or a chocolate-banana croissant pastry that was purposefully shaped like Maya Angelou.
Holy shit, I used a lot of parenthesis in the post.
Also, I think that croissant might have been kind of racist.
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