Zenith : In Character Network → Computer Communica

I spent the afternoon drinking, eating chocolate covered cherries and playing with an octopus.

My day > your day x 1,000,000.

are you in your room? I'm going to try and cook dinner without burning the kitchen down. do you like fish??

also went into town with Lennon earlier. I grabbed some condoms if you want to stash them in your room.

So, it's been a day. We should all be able to laugh about this now, right?
I'm only doing this for most of you because we're all stuck here
stupid
stupid
Just want to say
Sorry for
fuck fuck fuck
Once upon a time
Remember that meeting we just
fuck
fuck
asdgukhfdghljkfdgkad
I'm sorry

[…]

So I know none of you have any reason to actually read this, but I hope that at least some of you do. But I also know that some of you will scroll right past this, so:

I'M SORRY.

Maybe you're reading now. I don't know. I don't know how to write this apology. I don't know what to say when it's written down on paper. Do I tell you what happened? I guess.

So, here's my deal. I've been doing heroin since I was a teenager. Pretty consistently. I've gotten some since being here, but after doing a few really stupid things, Cecilia had tried to ween me off. I don't know, I thought it would be the right way to do it, but I ended up just trying to get to my drugs, and when I realized that I couldn't, I panicked. I knew it was dumb when I did it, but I was too afraid of not getting it, and how that would feel, so I made the wrong choice. I'm sorry about that. I really am. Looking back on all the shitty things I've done since I got here, I'm amazed that no one talked about locking me up sooner (though I'm also pretty grateful for that, too).

So, what's happening now is that I'm gonna try to stop being so much of an asshole (I can't stop completely, sorry) and I'm going to go cold turkey. That's right, for those of you just skimming this, I'm going to STOP DOING DRUGS. As of right now, I've been sober for over 24 hours. I know that doesn't sound like a big deal, but considering I'm used to getting high every four to eight hours, it's a fucking big deal.

And to those of you who like to know that I'm miserable, Chase and Kiley, I've thrown up twice and have the cold sweats, and this is only beginning. Fun. But I'm serious. I'm going to quit. I don't want to scare anyone into thinking I'm dangerous anymore. I'm not going to let drugs make me into a dangerous person.

Speaking of
transition here
fuck fuck fuck

While I'm bringing up the whole being dangerous thing, I feel like I should bring up those "psych issues" that were mentioned at the meeting, because when it's mentioned that I could get worse, that sounds scary. I'm I'm schizoph I want to tell you that I'm s I have sch Schizoph Somebody kill me now I'm I have schizophrenia. I was using heroin, and actually tried a lot of other things, to self-medicate while I didn't have medication, and that's when I got hooked. No, that's not an excuse for all of the bad things I've done. It's an excuse for some of the weirder things, though. […] Honestly, telling you this is almost as scary as the knowledge that my next couple weeks are going to be rough as fuck.

Mostly I just want to say that I'm sorry about what I did down at the pharmacy, and I'm sorry if I scared anyone, and I'm even more sorry that I hurt people. Some of you have been all kinds of patient with me, and I'm sorry I was a little shit. I'm not going to do it again. I'm gonna give this sobriety thing a try.

[…] I guess if any of you have any questions about any of this, you can ask. I'll do my best to answer everything.

tl,dr: Sorry.




Private to Owen:
I owed you this apology in person, but I didn't want you to punch me in the face today, when I have days of already being in pain ahead of me. Sorry I fucked up so bad. I hope I didn't fuck up even more by doing this over the network.

Private to Lennon:
Tried to find you to do this in person. Still want to apologize in person, but if you don't want to see me, I get that, too.

Hey , this is Chase. I mean, you know it's me because it says, but. Just wondering if other people in the house give you their toys too?

There's a couple of things I'd like to talk about.

First, the pharmacy. If anyone needs anything, please talk to me, and I'll see what I can do. I'm not a doctor, I'm not a pharmacist, but I'm going to do my best by you all. That said, treating people here is going to be a lot easier if I have medical histories. I know it's an uncomfortable area, but it would be great if people could provide me with whatever medical history they're comfortable parting with. I especially need to know if anyone has any drug allergies in the case of an emergency.

Anything you guys give me is on a voluntary basis. I won't force it, nor would I want to. But these past couple days have proven that nothing's off limits, and in the event that they make someone sick, or someone gets sick on their own, I want to be able to safely treat them.

Powering through from one sensitive subject to the next, let's talk about birth control. I just got back from the pharmacy, and the condom section was pretty well depleted. I'm really glad that you guys are being safe, because the absolute last thing I want to deal with here is a pregnancy. I brought the rest of the condoms back and put them in the public bathroom. If any woman here wants to be put on birth control, for any reason, I don't care. Let's do it. I'm all for it, whether it be to protect yourself or manage your periods or better your skin, I honestly don't care. I have access to it. Come see me, and we can talk about the options.

One of the biggest things I want to stress here is that the last thing I want is to violate anyone's privacy. In the outside world you would have every protection, from HIPPA laws to codes of ethics, and I realize those don't exist here. I'm still going to do my damnedest to honor them. I want people to feel safe coming to me, and I swear to you all that if you tell me any part of your medical history, I will do my best to keep that information to myself. In the event of an emergency and I have to recruit someone to help me I may have to share things like allergies, or I don't know what else. It's hard to imagine what's going to happen before it does, but like I said. I want, more than anything, to do right by you all.

Moving on. Along with condoms, I've put a few other things in the public bathroom. Different over-the-counter medications such as aspirin, benadryl, cough drops - at least a bit of anything that people might need, but not necessarily want to walk into town for if they have a cold or a headache. There are also bandaids and bandages, a thermometer, and other things of that nature. I've resupplied the first aid kids - there is now one in the public bathroom, one in the utility room, and one in the kitchen. If anyone wants another one for their bathroom? Great. Let me know, I'm happy to put one together.

Finally, I would really like to get together for another meeting. No surprises this time. We need to talk about having more structure in the house, and everything that entails. I would love it for everyone to come, but nobody has to. Unless anyone objects, I'm going to propose we all meet tomorrow in the dining room at 5 PM.

Thank you.

I liked hanging out at the next door neighbors' when I was a kid. They had cats, dogs and an iguana I liked to play with. :)

Loose lips sink ships.

Favorite childhood memory has to be when I was ten and I built a fort in our living room. Nothing like having crap stacked to the ceiling to play in.

When I was a little kid, before my mom died, we went up to a cottage in the Thousand Islands one summer, instead of our usual summer thing of doing nothing while my dad did his level best to work himself into an early grave. From Pittsburgh to upstate New York was a punishing drive for me as a six-year-old passenger, but I liked it once we got there. It was just a rock in the middle of the river with a tiny cottage clinging to it. You could see the stars really clearly and my mom would sit on the dock with me to point out constellations and tell me the stories. When it rained my dad taught me how to play chess. It was a nice vacation.

Happy golden days of yore, now let me in the fuckin bathroom already you piss-fetishists.

When I was six I had a chicken that walked backward and was in the Seaway News. I was in it too with the chicken. I was just there to assist the chicken but it was the high point in my life. Everything since has been anticlimax.

...I stole that story verbatim from Flannery O'Connor but guess what, I'm not actually in the mood to do nostalgic où sont les neiges d'antan stuff with you this morning, mighty overlords. Please go think about your own lives instead. I do in fact have a childhood story about a chicken so this is close enough, right?

So, a thing happened. I'm not sure if it should be made house-wide knowledge or not. I need a sounding board. Owen's my go-to for this sort of thing, and Oliver, Kate - you both seem to have a good deal of common sense, and you feel trustworthy. You've both stood out a lot since you've been added here. I also appreciate all you both did yesterday at the meeting.

Marco never got his schizophrenia meds yesterday. I tried multiple times to give them to him last night, and I tried again just a bit ago. He was in his room, and he told me he wanted to get clean. Told me to get rid of his stash, actually, and he seems to really mean it.

Something else though. He told me that They were giving him drugs in exchange for favors, and for keeping his mouth shut. They first told him to break into someone's room and steal something, and that's why he took Chase's shoes. They also told him to sabotage the day we all were paired off and chained to someone, but he says he failed in that. He said that by telling me this, he was blowing the deal, and they wouldn't supply him anymore. By telling me this, he said he was insuring that he couldn't get more drugs, even if he later changed his mind and wanted them.

Don't get me wrong, I don't trust Marco, and he's off his meds and dope and a little out of sorts right now. He was very coherent for that part though, and it feels true. It's also something we've suspected They're capable of. It stands to reason that they'd do something like this - and also, if they did it with Marco, they could have or will do it with others. I also can't help but wonder if this has something to do with the fire. Not Marco, necessarily, but someone else. If Marco had done it, I think he would have told me. He's got nothing else to lose.

I need to run to the pharmacy to get a few things I missed yesterday. Basically, I'm wondering what - if anything - you guys think we should do with this information.

This shit again?

Pedicures with my mom

Probably the first time my dad let me help him take apart an engine.

I don't have one. My childhood sucked.
You probably already fucking know


There was that one time, at band camp...

Freedom.

Climbing trees.

Going to the firehouse with my dad.

I woke up really disoriented so can you all just ignore that last thing

Seeing the horror in my stepmother's face when she realized th-

I can't say that.

Storytime by the fireplace every Christmas eve.

Nailed it

My brother used to want a dog and I saw this dog walker once, and you're not supposed to walk in the middle of the street, so I don't. That's where the cars are, and I never learned to drive, but the cones were orange. It's weird how that doesn't rhyme with anything.

Favorite childhood memory? Settle in, this might get a little long. See, it all started when my family decided to go on a vacation to visit my grandmother (on my mom's side) in London to celebrate her charity work with orphans. My dad didn't really want to go because he was a huge workaholic, but my mom dragged him along anyway. My brother was mad, though, because Dad had missed his baseball game the day before we left the country.

Anyway, while our parents are out at the charity gala with Grandma, my brother and I get kidnapped by a bunch of pirates! Turns out, Captain Hook captured us. He was trying to get us to hate our father and accept himself as our dad instead. I said no way, but my brother was so mad at my dad that he got a little brainwashed.

Now, I only learned this part afterwards, but it turns out that our dad was Peter Pan! Except he left Neverland to be with Wendy, our grandmother, but so much time had passed since Wendy left Neverland that she'd grown older and had her own daughter - our mom. Well, Tinkerbell flew to London to bring our dad to Neverland to save us. He'd forgotten all about being Peter Pan, so he had to train with the Lost Boys in order to get his fighting and flying skills back.

Eventually, our dad and Captain Hook had an epic battle to save us! And Dad won, but Hook tried to attack him when his back was turned and ended up getting eaten by the giant stuffed crocodile that fell over on top of him. Dad rescued us and we all flew back to London.

Best vacation ever.

When my dad taught us to play

When Stella accidentally killed her class hamster and we tried to

When Mom made us all

Our family trip to The Winchester Myster

All the time spent with Corbin

That's an unfair question. I can't choose one thing.

How about every Halloween? That was a big deal in my house.