May 2016



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May. 12th, 2016


What's all this coffee shit about, anyway? You want a morning routine, I've got one for you:

Step one: wake up next to a gorgeous Vint. Make him mad cause you tease him about his mustache being skewed.
Step two: get kicked out of bed. Take a cold shower.
Step three: have your lieutenant hit you with a stick a dozen or so times.
Step four: skip the coffee and go straight to the shit that'll put hair on your balls. EVERYBODY likes hairy balls.
OH yeah, throw in some shit about bathing in the blood of your enemies and jacking off to dragons and you're more awake than you've ever been.

You're welcome.

May. 9th, 2016


So which of you do I get to thank for teaching Kira the Mother's Day dance she did yesterday? Because it was inspirational, and I'm leaning towards blaming the sugar high.

[ Aramis/Porthos ]

May. 8th, 2016


Where's the holiday for those of who had wretched old hags for mothers and basically were raised by wolves?

May. 7th, 2016


I'm going to be heading out for a few days to gather soil, fauna, and other samples at the North Settlement. It's going to take a couple of days, so Felix, no having sex in my bed. Not even as payback. Sarah, Alison — I'll bring something fun back for a little science lesson with Kira, Oscar, and Gemma.

Much love!

Apr. 29th, 2016


Thanks for putting up with the whiteboard and the annoyed grunting. My voice is all good now. The bloodthirsty alien plant won't be mute or sound like a duck getting smushed under a boot, promise. So come out and see the show tonight, yeah? Or else.

Apr. 23rd, 2016


network; felix dawkins (023)

Can we all collectively agree not to warp reality or cause earthquakes or, I don't know, blow up the mountain for at least two weeks? Please? Some of us aren't from magical fairy worlds where that kind of bullshit happens every Tuesday. For all you all know, I've got a heart condition and all this stress is just slowly killing me.

Can I ask you something? About Remus? I'm trying not to bother him, especially with the full moon happening so soon after you all got back.

Apr. 22nd, 2016


Somebody get Alison to sit down before she reads this. And nobody give her a gun. (I'm looking at you, Aramis.)

Anybody got advice on recovering a voice that's gone all croaky and nonexistent? I've already got a belly ache from too much honey in my tea.

Apr. 21st, 2016


Little late to the party, but Kira's pretty tickled that there's one of those creepy little doll things that looks like me.

Pretty ready to watch everyone kick each other's asses tomorrow too. Seems a fitting end to the week we've had.

Apr. 18th, 2016


network post: alison hendrix


We are not letting this break us, people. Come to rehearsal tomorrow, we'll be reviewing everything that we probably forgot and catching up and figuring out where to go from here. This is going to be a team effort and I'm going to need all hands on deck. Cast, crew, everyone. I'd make cupcakes, but we've got to pay attention to rations right now, so no cupcakes. I still expect to see all of you!

We're going to hit the ground running and get this up in two weeks. That means long rehearsals, extra rehearsals, working outside of rehearsals. We can do it!

This show is not cursed

Felix, I can't say this enough: I am so sorry we left you alone. If I'd had a say in the matter, none of this would have happened. Thank you for taking care of Oscar and Gemma. I

They took me away from my kids.

Um. Hi. I'm sorry for the hot glue.

We're even now?

Apr. 17th, 2016


storybrooke: during panic hour

Heyyy, so ah. Someone want to come post bail for me?

Apr. 11th, 2016


STORYBROOKE; sarah bennett.

The children's shelter is looking for some warm weather clothes, if any of you have some gently-used ones to offer. Just let me know and I can either come pick them up myself or send someone to collect them. Or you can drop them off, of course. Anything will work!

[ sam ]
Thank you so much for helping me this weekend, by the way. And I'm so sorry again for becoming a weepy, pathetic mess. I totally appreciate you.


!storybrooke, paul bey

If you guys needed another excuse to go outside on the nice, spring day...

Also, it's National Pet Day, so get your asses down to the Pet Shelter and adopt your own fur baby.

Hey, we weathered that awkwardness pretty well, so I'm thinking we deserve a night out. A special date night out.

Not that I don't love Granny's, but maybe something a little nicer? Romantic.

Apr. 10th, 2016



Private to Sarah and Ali

I think our dear sister Sarah doesn't love us anymore. What do you think, Ali?

Apr. 9th, 2016


Storybrooke: Isaac Anthony & Sarah Bennett backstory

WHO: Isaac Anthony (Porthos) & Sarah Bennett (Sarah Manning)
WHEN: Backstory! Approx 2003ish
WHERE: SB High School
WHAT: BB Isaac and Sarah go to a dance; he leads her off to a classroom to steal test answers and they get into a little fight when she catches on.
WARNINGS: None whatsoever.

'This is so dumb! You are so much smarter than this.' )

Apr. 8th, 2016


STORYBROOKE; sarah bennett

WHO: Sarah Manning / Sarah Bennett
WHAT: Sarah is sitting alone in the tiny home she's trying to renovate surrounded by bills and anxiety and full of sadness and fear. (Basically, I'm incapable of writing narratives that don't veer into sad territories.)
WHERE: The house she shares with Kira.
WHEN: This morning before Sam comes to help.
WARNINGS: Lots of anxiety over money and bills and the process of adoption.

Sarah genuinely wasn’t sure if she could do it. )

Apr. 6th, 2016


storybrooke: sam mickens

All right, since everyone seems to be eager to take a ride, we're gonna figure out how to get Ben's bull set up at the bar. I'll let y'all know when it's ready to go. We'll have some rules once it's up and running, so I expect everyone to behave or we'll have to take the toys away. And the alcohol.

We've got karaoke tomorrow, and I've started to roll out new seasonal brews as they become available, so keep checking back for the new ones.

And if you haven't seen her yet, Maggie's back in town and she's got her old job back, so I'm sure she'd appreciate it if everyone came out to welcome her back properly.

Apr. 5th, 2016


STORYBROOKE; sarah bennett.

My life is literally consumed by house-painting. Who knew such a small place could require so much effort.

Is there anyone who happens to have an extra bed? Or maybe the urge to build one? I can pay.

[ family ]
I finally got the date for my in-home interview for the adoption. Tell me not to freak out. There's still so much left to do

Apr. 1st, 2016


storybrooke: steve shields

My fifth graders got me with silly string today when I wasn't paying attention, and the third graders tried to get out of school by pretending like they all had lice (they don't; they backed out real quick when I told them we'd have to shave all their heads). Happy April Fool's.

Want to invite some folks over this weekend or next? I can fire up the grill now that it's nice out again.

Mar. 26th, 2016


network; foggy nelson (001)

"Open a law firm with me, Foggy," Matt said, and I did.

"Fake your death, Foggy," Matt said, and I did.

"Move to California, Foggy," Matt said, and I did.

"Come hang out with Matt in the literal Apocalypse," said the universe, I assume because Matt told it to, and now I'm here whether I like it or not.

My name is Foggy Nelson. If any of you have long-standing complaints with Matt Murdock, I'll put a basket out in front of my door that you can leave them in. I won't read them, but they'll make a good trash can fire.

Mar. 22nd, 2016


Well, shit. Come on. How is it seriously bad luck to wish someone good luck? That's bloody stupid.

I mean, I am sorry if this place and its weirdness means that really was my fault, but help me out here, Poe. Alison is probably gonna murder me in my sleep.

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