The 100; a panfandom game

Fine. I'm sorry. Okay?

I'm sorry about leaving you to potentially burn to deaf on a roof, Lexi. And, I'm sorry that I killed you. And, not just because it hurt Stefan. But, because in some weird perverted way. I actually missed you and your Mother Teresa complex. And, I never completely hated you, even though I wanted to.

And, Caroline. I'm sorry that I compelled you to continue dating me, even though I kept feeding on you and hurting you. And, basically being a complete dick. You're not a waste of space. You weren't then, either. Although, you're slightly less irritating as a vampire than a human.

And, while I'm apologising. Elena, I'm sorry I killed Jeremy. And Matt, and Ric. And I'm sorry I didn't always respect your choices. Although, I'm trying to be better about that now. But, I will still never be sorry about loving you. And how much I love you. And want to be a better person for you. Life here without you sucked. Like, completely sucked.

And, honestly I hate this honesty crap.

You know, I thought about if I'd fucked up enough for one night. And I have a woman waiting in my room who loves me completely and actually, I think I might love her back. So really I should get back there.

But first, I want to talk to you. Honestly. While we have the chance to do that.

Mostly Cap, I want to know what it was that made you despise me? Was it just the Hydra history?

Or was I really just that unlikeable from day one?

It's hard to keep things so hidden.

Especially when all this time it's all been ruminating in my head. I had a world in the palm of my hand. The control center of the stronghold of a race of beings so twisted in their views they were being lead to their downfall by a madman and burning the galaxy as they went

And I found a way to make it trust me. Their World Brain. I taught it that it was more than their slave. I freed it. And then I made it my friend.

They made me their God and I played the part. Said their words, let them believe I had accended. Walked beings to death because in the long run the galaxy needed the saccrifice.

...Because ultimately, I weighed the numbers, gave up a few weeds so the garden would grow.

And I'm not sorry

I don't actually mind all those video files being on the server as much as I thought I would. I mean, it's always kind of weird and embarrassing watching a video of yourself and a whole heap of it sort of sucked completely but all the ones I've looked at make me look way more badass than I ever felt at the time. Which actually does bother me because, like, that's totally stuck up, isn't it? I really shouldn't be caring how a tv show makes me look when I've been arrested for murder and my dad's trying to take the fall for me. I really don't want him to go to jail. I hope I didn't kill anyone too, but whenever I think about it it seems like the only real explanation and that's actually way more terrifying than anything else that's happened to me, even waking up in a room full of human bones. I wish Scott was here. I'd feel better about everything if I could touch him.

We're not moving into the TARDIS. Being the only one whose life doesn't revolve around him is bad enough at the best of times.

So wow, okay. This whole complete mental break thing, or magic, or alternate universe, or whatever you want to call it - so, it's sticking. Bonus, looks like I haven't been smacked with the honesty stick today, but like that ever fucking stopped me. Contrary to what the step-douche thinks, I don't lie all that much anyway.

I guess I don't get what I'm doing here. Superheroes, smart people, strong people, whatever, okay. It's a magical menagerie. I'm just me. Chloe Price. No powers, no abilities if you don't count mad drumming ~skillz and the way I can piss off every authority figure in a twenty miles radius. I don't want to say I'm boring because please, I'm awesome, this is hella not a call for ego-stroking "ur so pretty" bullshit, but I mean, outside of the entire fucking universe having it out for me, I'm normal. Average. The only thing that's kinda whack in my life is Max's powers (not Max. Max isn't whack, unless we're totally cool-whack, in which case, girlfriend is hella whack). So maybe I'm whack by association?

So everyone's here either in a book or on TV or whatever. Is there a way to know where Max and I came from? Not in a deep existential BS way, just like... is there some jackass getting his rocks off watching me shower because I'm a character on a show? For example. 'Cause I'd like to at least get paid for that.

Also, horticulture bitches - weed. Someone's gotta be growing it. Fess up.

Where the bloody hell did a rat that big come from?!

I think I might have given it wings.

Ravi, I'm looking at you.

X-MEN

Can we go see if the Savage Land is here now?

Because there are apparently homicidal rats flying around and I'd rather go up against a dinosaur than a rat.

[Posted after the truth spell wears off at breakfast]

I believe celebration drinks are in order. We all survived telling the God's Awful truths in our hearts. Some better than others, I think.

However, celebrating that our forced confessional is over I believe is an excellent idea. And, if some have other reasons to celebrate as well. Well, let's all just drink to being alive.

So New Year's Eve is in a couple of days. Is anyone planning anything? I was just curious.

It is easy to refrain from speaking truths that are forced from one, when one buries himself in work. I thank all who did not seek me out during this time.

Well, Christmas happened, and we all got through it. Well done. Although I wonder if we wouldn't be better off to celebrate a different holiday at this time next year. Maybe not something for the Podsayer, but a general thanks for the people we have here, and for the shelter we have and the fact that we do have food, clothing, and loved ones surrounding us, even if they're new to us. Americans had their Thanksgiving, and maybe we should to, at Winter Solstice.

WHO: Spock & Kirk
WHEN: Around December 10th, after the mistletoe pod fell.
WHERE: An abandoned corridor
WHAT: Kirk corners Spock under mistletoe; or, Starfleet saps strike back.
WARNINGS: Suggestive content, blatant use of holiday tropes, schmoop, && lots of making out.

( I wasn't aware that you had such an interest in this planet's flora. )

Leia

Let's do something.

Anakin Solo

Camping?

Has anyone seen Lily Luna? Jamie and I have looked all over for her, but no dice.

Filter to Ginny

Want to go look for her with me?

Sometimes I really hate it here. The good news is that we have enough of the good booze to last through New Year's Eve, but it will be a bit of a wait before the next batch is done. Enjoy it while it lasts, everyone.

Filter to Sera

Thanks for listening the other day. You're a good friend to listen through all of that.

I was told that my Mum only had one little bit of me, at the end. I hope she passed away before the rest of it. I hope she didn't have to know how bad I got.

[sent around when Pixie, Laura, and Hope left for their adventure]

» Why did I just sense you not being in the mountain?
» What the heck are you doing down near the South Pole?

[a little while later]

» I swear Hope
» Now your north?

[a little while later]

» Why are you out west?

[a little while later]

» I'm expecting an actual answer once you're back.

As much as I miss space, I really am glad I'm getting the chance to work with plants. It's always been a hobby and now I get to do it every day. Can't beat that.

Let's see, we've had strange ghost like things, a war with Bloody Mary and a blizzard. With the exception of the blizzard, it feels like home.

PEETA

I started telling people about what I've done and I can't stop myself. I can't stop myself from talking. I didn't even know him and I told him that I've killed people. Children. An unarmed civilian. You know I've killed people but I can't stop telling you, either. I knew people were saying everything out loud but I thought it would be different in writing so I looked at the network and now I've gone and

I'm going to tell you something that makes you afraid of me, too. I can feel it. I'm terrifying and you know it, even if it's Snow in your head telling you that I am. He's right. I'm awful and violent and manipulative and a liar but I've never lied to you except by omission. Damn it. I haven't lied to you, just kept things from you. Not very many things, but sometimes it hurt you anyway because I had an answer that you wanted to hear but I wasn't sure it was true so I couldn't say it. I don't think that really counts as lying, but maybe it does. But everything I've said is true, I swear, it's true and now you know for sure it's true because I couldn't lie right now to save my life and sometimes I need to lie to save my life, what if that happens and I can't

Please come and take this away from me, I can't stop writing