Spinning Compass Network

Okay, I give up. What is this place? Anyone? A clue, even?

Can I have my body back now?

I've been pondering on how to put my awesome Kansan skills at work over here, but aside from farming and security, I'm comin' up empty. Lived on a farm. Worked on one even, but that was a long time ago. You know, back when I was silly enough to marry straight out of high school and willing to work three jobs in order to support us.

Well, I wised up eventually and took the one job. And never looked back.

Might have to now, even if anything in this place doesn't even remotely resemble a pink, fifties kitchen. Anyway, Apple! Need any help?

Wheat. I'm good with wheat. And horses and other stuff.

Feel like shit. So, what's been going on? What's with the people from the crash?

All right, I take it that not everyone has methods to protect themselves. For everyone who doesn't know me yet: I'm Sirius and yes, you know me from the 'Harry Potter'-books (autograph time would be from 10 am till 12 am, Thursdays). Anyway, I thought as there are a few less than trustworthy people around I'd offer to put up protection charms on your apartments if you want. I'd offer to put every murderer around here behind bars but experience tells me that that never goes down well.

Don't enter our apartment without our official invitation, by the way.

[Private to Laura, Dom and Dalek]

Already went ahead and cast a few spells on our apartment. You need to invite everyone in now, otherwise your guests are going to be stunned.

So...what's with the giant rats? Because I'm going to playfully murder them all. Unless anyone objects.