Logs

Who: Isabela, Hawke & Dorian
What: Attempted battle that turns into a cartoonish comedy because nothing is working right
When: Today
Where: Not far from the Temple of Arms
Rating/Warnings: Language mostly
Status: Complete!

( I do not get paid enough in any job ever to get things trapped in my beard! )

Who: Lina & Isabela (with a side of Hawke)
What: Discussing a rising cult situation while research is being done
When: Earlier today
Where: The Hanged Man
Rating/Warnings: Discussions of cults, brainwashing, demons, language, and Hawke and Bela groping each other (what else is new though)
Status: Complete!

( People with families, normal jobs, copious images of their pets. No sign of a group leader responsible for being a charismatic devil worshipper. )

Who: Dorian Pavus & Garrett Hawke
What: Drinks, and Thedas! After Dorian has some dreams
When: Tonight
Where: The Hanged Man
Rating/Warnings: Mostly tame - talk of blood magic, slavery, general dreariness of Thedas
Status: Complete

( Blights, Politics, Holes In the Fucking Sky - ohhhhh, my.  )

Who: Diana & Hawke
What: Diana stumbles into The Hanged Man, Hawke gives her a 'Welcome to the Insanity' drink
When: Recently
Where: The Hanged Man
Rating/Warnings: Low
Status: Complete!

( At the moment, the more likely path is riding a horse over a cliff while on fire and crash into the rocks or shallow water. )

WHO: Emma Frost & Garrett Hawke
WHEN: (backdated) early July
WHERE: The Hanged Man
WHAT: Wings, booze and some requests of friends
WARNINGS: mentions of potential future murder
STATUS: Complete

( Occasion? I may or may not be destroying the world soon. Or dying. One of the potential outcomes is most certainly death. )

Who: Hawke and Morrigan
What: Meeting and discussions of helping Maia out
When: Recently!
Where: The Broom Closet
Warnings: Discussion of dragon blood and blood magic, otherwise it's pretty tame!

( It would take some trial and error to confirm if something works. Like some kind of mix of a medical and magical experiment. It’ll be a challenge. )

Who: Isabela, Hawke, Killian, and Regina (plus Dog)
What: Bela takes them out for Lady Sunshine's maiden voyage, but of course they come across a kraken
When: This weekend
Where: Out in the wild blue sea!
Rating/Warnings: Pretty low, just violence against a giant squid (and references to tentacle porn)
Status: Complete

( Gods help the monster that tried pulling them down under. They’d simply fight it drunk. )

Who: Isabela & Hawke
What: Anniversary shenanigans - Bela gives him daggers, he pulls a prank before the grand reveal
When: May 12
Where: A marina
Rating/Warnings: Language, but that's it
Status: Complete!

( Dicks. A symbol of their love. )

Who: Gourry and Hawke
What: Puppy playdate
When: Today!
Where: Beach
Rating/Warnings: N/A
Status: Complete!

( I dunno much about magic except Lina blew up a town and a dragon )

Who: Garrett Hawke & Gourry Gabriev (with a cameo of Dog)
What: Tall, Blonde & Dumb walks into a bar looking for work
When: This past weekend
Where: The Hanged Man
Rating/Warning: Relatively low
Status: Complete!

( A knight in shining armor! That'd be popular with the ladies. )

Who: Hawke & Isabela
What: Lights Out, Ladies - or actually, a brief bounty hunting excursion to pick up the leader of the Invisible Sisters
When: Tonight
Where: Boardwalk, in a cheesy tourist shoppe
Rating/Warnings: Medium for violence and Isabela, because she gets her own warning
Status: Complete

( Would you just be so kind to let us speak to your manager so we can personally tell her our needs? )

Who: Garrett Hawke & Emma Frost
What: Discussing Emma's recent arm situation and cosmic deities
When: Tonight, probs
Where: Victrola
Rating/Warning: Nothing terrible
Status: Complete!

( It’s fun having something my own, and not just ruining my father’s life by being extraordinarily successful at his game. )

Who: Hawke & Killian
What: Killian helps Hawke shop for someone who likes Big Boats and Cannot Lie
When: Yesterday!
Where: A boatshow
Rating/Warning: Innuendos and spanking
Status: Complete!

( Honestly, he was salivating a little. )

Who: Lovers Wisdom & Hawke (Isabela and little Amelia make cameos)
What: Discussing Pete's most recent kill over breakfast dinner and screw drivers
When: Recently
Where: Hawke Flat above The Hanged Man
Rating/Warning: Mentions of murder, serial killers, and language
Status: Complete!

( Justice, vengeance, necessary, I don’t really know what to classify it as - besides something that I needed to do. )

Who: Alecto & Lina with a Hawke cameo
What: Meeting in person with discussions of life and magic
When: Tonight
Where: The Hanged Man
Rating/Warnings: Relatively low
Status: Complete!

( What happened, did you burn your place down? )

Who: Lina & Pete, with Hawke & Isabela
What: Annual Christmas Dinner is officially cursed with smooches
When: During the mistletoe extravaganza
Where: A steakhouse
Rating/Warnings: Language because they're all awful people
Status: Complete!

( Is it an awful time to tell you two that it was caught on camera? )

Who: Killian, Hawke, and Kenzi
What: Picking up some Rat Droppings ale turns into A MISTLETOE ATTACK
When: Today, probs
Where: The Hanged Man
Rating/Warnings: Crudeness, as usual
Status: Complete

( Oh my god, barf, you two. )

Who: The Hawke Family - mother included
What: Hawke's wish of Leandra spending a holiday with them has come true, dun dun dun
When: December 15th
Where: Their old home
Rating/Warnings: Feels, some language and innuendo
Status: Complete!

( And really, she’d lucked out when it came to marrying into a rather fantastic family. Except for Gamlen. He was just so...smelly.  )

Who: Hawke & Trevelyan
What: Discussing a trade of skills - blood magic for necromancy
When: Tonight, probs!
Where: The Hanged Man
Rating/Warnings: Whatever precautions come with talking about necromancy and blood stuff
Status: Complete!

( He wasn’t sure if he’d learn it himself, but he was curious nonetheless. )

Who: Hawke & Isabela, with Bethany near the end
What: A petrified statue of a certain Knight-Commander greets Hawke in the early morn
When: This morning
Where: Their flat above The Hanged Man
Rating/Warning: Language, innuendos, the usual
Status: Complete!

( There was no way on this Maker-forsaken Earth that Bela would put on a sex show with a dead Templar in the bedroom. )

Who: Wisdom & Hawke
What: Catching up after Wisdom returns from the honeymoon - and it segues into srs talk
When: Tonight!
Where: The Hanged Man
Rating/Warnings: Mostly low, discussion of dark things
Status: Complete

( I’d give you a hug but I wouldn’t dare accidentally cause you a bit of awkward wood from me giving you a loving embrace. )

Who: Cousins Hawke & Maia, with appearances of Bethany, Carver and Gamlen
What: A family reunion of sorts where they discuss Flemeth and Thedas things
When: Recent!
Where: The Hanged Man
Rating/Warnings: Low, mostly
Status: Complete!

( That woman probably has fifteen different contingencies for just about any situation. I just wish she could have shared her secret for turning into a dragon. )

Who: Lowell and Hawke and a brief appearance by Hawke's uber charming uncle, Gamlen.
What: A business proposition
When: Recently
Where: The Hanged Man
Rating/Warning: Low/none. Some brothel talk.
Status: Complete

( I was thinking what a great pub this might be for a kind of secret gig. )

Who: Hawke & Killian, with the latest family addition
What: Hawke visits the Captain with gifts, and there's platonic butt groping
When: Today
Where: Casa de Mills-Jones
Rating/Warnings: Mostly low but there's penis art so idk
Status: Complete!

( Come on in and meet her, and sit on that delectable bum of yours. )

Who: Raistlin and Hawke
What: Two mages meet in a bar...
When: Recently
Where: The Hanged Man
Rating/Warnings Low/None
Status: Complete!

( You feeling alright, mate? Is the drink not agreeing with you? )

Who: Hawke, Bela & Dog - with a demon
What: Waking up to tomes of blood magic with a bit of extra baggage
When: This morning
Where: Their flat above The Hanged Man
Rating/Warnings: Violence, language, inappropriate commentary
Status: Complete!

( Oh, balls. This was going to be messy, wasn’t it? )

Who: Joe Hardy and Hawke
When: Sometime last week
What: Bonding over drinks and loss
Where: The Hanged Man
Ratings/Warnings: fairly low, some talk about death
Status:Complete!

( Hawke could nowadays almost *sense* who was a Dreamer and who wasn’t )

Who: Hawke & Isabela
What: Being nannies to Amelia while her parents go on a date - so lots of baby powder and confusion about diapers (all from Isabela, mind you)
When: Tonight
Where: The flat above The Hanged Man
Rating/Warnings: Crude language because it's them
Status: Complete

( What an adorable vessel of future mass destruction. )

Who: Hawke, Trevelyan, Isabela & Leliana
What: Max stuffs them all into the Fade after demons become too much, and Hawke stays behind to ensure they get out
When: Today
Where: The Hanged Man
Rating/Warnings: Language, violence, feels
Status: Complete!

( Here lies the abyss, the well of all souls. )

Who: Hawke & Wisdom
What: British Boyfriend Night, but Amelia is constipated so there's some prune juice and a fussy baby involved
When: Last night?
Where: Firestarter Fam's House
Rating/Warnings: Fairly low
Status: Complete

( Garrett would snap a picture of all of them snoring, that was a promise. )

Who: The Inquisitor, Champion of Kirkwall, and Queen of the Eastern Seas
What: Trevelyan is bearer of potentially awful news
When: Tonight
Where: The beginnings of The Hanged Man
Rating/Warnings: Language, mentions of death
Status: Complete!

( You haven’t got that mark for one thing, and for another, you’re not just going to rip open an asshole and stuff us all in it, are you? )

Who: Killian Jones & Garrett Hawke
What: A sneak peek of the Hanged Man (with the actual hanged man replica in the doorway)
When: Hmmm, recently? Today?
Where: ...The Hanged Man
Rating/Warnings: There's some ass-grabbing, because why not? ;)
Status: Complete

( Are you certain this won’t bring the police around? )

Who: Hawke & Trevelyan
What: Platonic staff practice
When: Tuesday
Where: Underground, Deep Roads (sans Darkspawn)
Rating/Warnings: PG-13 for violence, magical blasts, and the nightmare fuel that is a Deepstalker, also two of the most influential people in Thedas are afraid of spiders
Status: Complete

( We’re sweating like a pair of testicles in an Orlesian desert. )

Who: Isabela & Hawke
What: Waking up from the dreams with the Arishok, and Isabela manages to drop the bomb about something
When: This morning
Where: Bela's beach pad
Rating/Warnings: Crude humor and language, as always - with a dash of feels
Status: Complete!

( I’ve never been to Vegas. )

Who: Hawke & Isabela
What: 'All That Remains,' the OC Edition - Hawke's mum is found too late
When: This evening
Where: A madman's house
Rating/Warnings: Very high; gore, blood & blood magic, references to kidnapping, just awful things overall
Status: Complete!

( Best part was, Garrett didn’t even have to touch that vile waste of life. )

Who: Killian Jones & Garrett Hawke
What: Dropping off some nipple tassels and octopus thongs, the usual
When: Tonight
Where: The Rear End
Rating: Mostly low, just some dirty language and death talk
Status: Complete

( Now he knew how Liam must have felt, being older and responsible and looking out for his younger sibling. )

Who: Isabela & Hawke
What: Talks about scary relationship words, money, and foreboding dark times
When: Last Thursday
Where: Back room at the Rear End
Rating/Warnings: Naughty language and feels, mostly low
Status: Complete

( Don’t take me off guard by dying either, would you? )

Who: King Alistair of Ferelden and Hawke, the shit-stirrer of Kirkwall
What: Alistair pops in for drinks and tits, accidentally
When: Not long ago
Where: The Rear End
Rating/Warnings: Low, mostly
Status: Complete!

( Well, no one ever said I was the most responsible king. )

Who: Zatanna & Hawke
What: Tea, desserts, and divination in the form of a tarot reading - foreboding things ensue
When: Today?
Where: Zee's Moroccan-inspired abode
Rating/Warnings: Ominous warnings of death
Status: Complete

( Black robes and armor, a scythe, a white rose. )

Who: Isabela & Hawke
What: Treasure hunting underground, with giant spiders and rock wraiths - oh myyy!
When: Tonight
Where: Down a crater, into dark spawn free Deep Roads
Rating/Warnings: High, for violence and fornicating on a pile of gold (because why wouldn't they)
Status: Complete!

( I really hate spiders. Can we go home yet? )

Who: Hawke & Wisdom
What: Godfather proposals and a dragon
When: Same day as this
Where: A park (with a crater in it)
Rating/Warnings: Dragon slaying, bad language, taking the Maker's name in vain, bromance
Status: Complete

( I’ll do my best to help keep that bearded baby girl safe. And warm. )

Who: Hawke & Isabela (featuring Baby Shanks and Ice Pick)
What: Partnering up for some bounty hunting
When: Tonight, I believe
Where: A skeezy pool hall that is a front for organized crime activity
Rating/Warnings: Mediumish - violence, blood magic, an explosion, Isabela loots the bodies
Status: Complete

( Did she really just take a tooth? )

Who: Hawke & Isabela, Pete & Lina
What: A brief evil mistletoe interlude during what we won't call 'a double date'
When: Tonight, I think!
Where: A reputable restaurant
Rating/Warnings: Wisdom and Hawke go gay for a few seconds, nbd
Status: Complete

( I don't care for cucumbers up my discharge pipe, Wisdom, don't be so flattered. )

WHO: Emma Frost & Hawke
WHEN: Recently
WHERE: Rear End
WHAT: Emma meets Hawke's dare and takes in the sights at a strip bar.
RATING/WARNINGS: Lowish/some cussin'
STATUS: Complete

( Naturally, she found out when he pulled up outside the place, Emma’s eyebrow raising just the same as her mouth curving into a smirk. )

Who: Wisdom & Hawke, secret British lovers except not
What: Bounty hunting excursion leads to the manifestation of blood magic
When: Tonight
Where: The Pink Passion, where you get all your Happy Ending needs
Rating/Warnings: Some violence, lots of language, mentions of illegal prostitution and substances
Status: Complete!

( Gods honest truth, it smelled like baby powder, cotton candy, and toilet water. )

Who: Hawke & Wisdom, with a darling performance from Gamlen and the Hawkes
What: Wisdom brings forth food and...well, legit wisdom
When: Tonight
Where: Low Town The Ghetto Hawke Estate
Rating/Warnings: Mentions of the Kardashians, approach with caution
Status: Complete!

( It’s better than bombs of knife-blade flatulence, I suppose. )

Who: Hawke & Anders
What: Discussing Thedas over drinks while Midna destroyed a sex toy shop
When: During Midna's Spider Wreckage
Where: A bar far, far away from said spider wreckage
Rating/Warnings: Low
Status: Complete!

( BALLS. )

Who: Cassandra and Garrett
What: Cassandra tries to find out more about this 'Champion' from her book
When: a few days ago
Where: Garrett's detective office
Status: complete
Rating: PG

( Perhaps you are more familiar with something called Kirkwall )

Who: Sylvanas, Alleria, and Garrett
What: Sylvanas corners Alleria's mysterious lover, and then they get chased by cerberus remnants.
When: monday
Where: Walmart and then somewhere else
Status: Complete
Rating: PG-13 because Garrett is AWESOME

( The smiley face will be displeased if we anger it. )

Who: Garrett Hawke, Neena Thurman
What: Neena hires Garrett to do some PI work for her.
When: Weeks ago, before the Gala and kidnapping stuff.
Where: Garrett's office.
Ratings/Warnings: PG-13 for mentions of (attempted)matricide.
Status: Complete

( Honestly? I'm kind of hoping you never find her, but I'd like proof she's dead in that case. )