Knowhere IC

This is a bunch of bullshit.

Is there anywhere here that will serve me alcohol or do I have to pretend to be someone else?

[ Roy ]

Can't believe I'm saying this, but give me homework.

If this This this ain't is like one of them like one of them war documentaries tv shows again, I think I gotta admit I ain't got a TV and I ain't gonna be somebody because of it neither.

'sides, that other documentary I was in was corny as hell. Ain't sure how that was supposed to help nothing.

[...] We ain't at war with these aliens here, right?

I'm surrounded by giants who put things on stupidly high shelves.

Someone gave me a hug.

A hug.

And not like a fleshy human hug where some idiot wraps their arms around another idiot, but a stupid hippo-looking stuffed animals that vibrates when the idiot on the other end of the wifi pushes a button.

I don't need a fucking hug.

What I need is to get laid, because I haven't in like three days.

I will find you and I will skin you and wear your face as a hat.

I forgot about all the space trash that orbited Earth in the 21st century. Like, how do you even navigate with all that shit around? Oh right, you don't.

How well would a strongly worded letter directed to Al garbage collectors go over? Hey, everybody needs space janitors. Who else cleans up after Shepard's done kicking ass?

"Hi.

Here's your shot to clean up the orbit around Earth. You'll thank me for it when you become a space-faring species and meet all kinds of weird aliens that will become strangely common place once your first contact war is over and done with. The latter probably can't be avoided, but I wish you all the best and good luck.

xoxo,
Joker."

What terminal do I send this to?

They never tell you that job hunting is gonna be a bitch when you're discharged.

Do you know how hard it is to get a job when your only skillset is not a skillset anyone needs?

So, Freelancer Agent North Dakota, reporting. That's a mouthful though, just call me North, everyone else does.

So did... anyone else wake up chained to a beautiful woman or.. was that just me?

I think it's the passports..

And I'm sorry again, Lady Sif, I swear I didn't mean to.

Useless observation number 1: Talking machines are stupid.

Excessively useless observation number 2: Bathrooms shouldn't be that difficult to find.

Nevermind the irony of being trapped inside someone else's head. It's a little rude, don'tcha think?

Listen up.

I am not nice.

So whoever has that notion in their head, just know that I would kill you for a Klondike Bar.

Yeah, I know. I've been a very boring Jack lately since I've mostly just been working and being irritated that the Master wanders the TARDIS freely. Time to get back to having fun, being social, and just basically being more like my usual charming self.

So! Who's up for a little fun (and probably some trouble)?

I'm a simple girl. Yes, I might still be finding huge entire estates my father apparently bought and forgot about, but half of them were built on the entrances to hell dimensions which I imagine was his sole interest in them. There is truly nothing my father loved more than hell dimensions and I mean that literally. So it's not an exaggeration to say I have been to my fair share of fucked up little cesspits full of horrid creatures that may have crawled directly there straight out of someone's nightmares. But at least none of them had the audacity to attack me with fucking dust bunnies.

Men in combat pterodactyl suits, yes. Drop bears. Even broccoli homunculi. But not dust bunnies.

Fuck I missed alcohol.

So. The stories I'm hearing from people showing back up suggest that maybe someone out there could use a drink?

[ Space Ladies ]

And regardless if they do or not, I'm thinking about taking the Normandy out into space for a few days since we can flex the passports some now, maybe go see a planet within reach now that I've got supplies in the hands of people who need them.

You two want to come?

So was that where all the dust bunnies went after we cleaned them, or where all the dust bunnies went if we DIDN'T clean them? I'm trying to understand the moral of the story here. I swear, it's almost as if not every story has some moral lesson behind it. Huh.

Anywho. I'm glad everyone's safe, and I got to punch dust bunnies in the face, which is actually a thing I thought I'd never check off on my list of 'weird things Spider-Man's done this week'. But I did. It was kind of nice being Spidey again.

Also, Cosmo, if you have anymore little dimensions on you could you let the rest of us know now? I think I'm still suffering the caffeine shakes from all that coffee.

What's up Knowhere? I'm getting antsy sitting around watching the boys scratch themselves and pretending this is a cool way to spend the rest of our lives. I feel like I'm in one of those super old shooter games where I'm waiting for the monsters to jump out at me. Trigger happy, anyone?

So here's the deal, I'm serious about going to Disneyland. I don't know more than half of you, but I guess I'll extend the invitation and get over my dilemmas about being around people.

I have one requirement: You have to be able to shoot a gun and you can't have qualms about shooting me if I tell you to.

So who is coming with me?

A house. I think I'm going to need something strong to drink.

Anyone want to join me?

I've been ordered to introduce myself.

I'm First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye.

[...]

Hello.

I guess this is where I should introduce myself. I'm Riza Hawkeye.. just Hawkeye is fine. I've just arrived, along with my dog, Black Hayate. We're.. going to take some time to get used to our new surroundings.

If anyone knows their way around, perhaps I could trouble you for a tour and a run-down of the threats place.

So, hello.

I guess that's it.

Never thought I'd see space again. Been here a little bit, but I figured it was time for me to stop hanging out with my horse all the time, and show my face around here. Don't really know why.

I'm Octavia Blake, and that's really all you need to know about me.

[Filtered to Alucard and Integra's Friends and Allies, + Integra]

My Master requires your assistance. She is currently indisposed due to an unfortunate lapse in memory. I find myself altered in a different fashion, but one that nevertheless prevents me from fulfilling my duties to her. My Master would be grateful for your aid in jogging her memory, and in the procurement of a suitable wardrobe for her bodyguard.

motherfucking bollocks

As Bird-Boy and Dresden pointed out, ain't no American doin' his rightful job today. Shame on you, Cap. Looks like it's gonna hafta fall to Louisiana t' get 'de job done, if the New Yorker can't do it.

( Happy 'Merica Day )

Brits? Tea sucks.