Knowhere IC

Well met, castaways to Knowhere. I know not what force has brought me here, but my friend Cosmo has briefed me on our situation.

I am called Beta Ray Bill. This place, chaotic as it is, is quite familiar to me, almost like returning home; I also know quite well how often...'problematic' people tend to visit, so as long as I am bound here, I will dedicate my strength to its protection. Please call on me should you ever be in need.

Cosmo mentions that we are short on doctors. I'm afraid I have no knowledge of medicine, save for the most basic of bandages. However, I am more than glad to venture out anywhere for supplies - I do not require a ship, as my hammer will suffice to carry me through the stars. Food and other necessities as well. I am at your service.

I am also quite glad to buy a round at Starlin's, but only if you have tales to tell of your exploits. Beings from all walks of life often end up here, so it is only natural that there should be many stories to be heard.

After working and toiling, eating pizza and delivering your mail, I think my dog's deserved a trip to Earth. So I'm going to take him out for walkies in New York City.

I'll take reasonable requests to bring back from the city. For weapons and ammo, you're on your own.

Normal seems to be an odd thing these days, but normal it is. In my experience, such is not a bad thing to have normal.

Jyn, my proposal for travel remains. I will offer to any willing as well: should you wish to see Dantooine I am planning for a trip. It is a quiet planet, that save for a few aggressive animals and maybe a few stray dangers is a planet where Jedi lived and were trained.

Mary, should you wish it we will continue our discussions. You know where to find me.

Starlin's has been busy, must mean the bullshit is at peak here again.

And once again we see me glad it's skipping me, whatever the hell it is this time, and that I didn't have to wake up next to a stranger.

Ich mag das nicht.

Aw, weird space head. I've heard about you.

Is there Coffee or beer?

The fucking dog is okay. I just don't think Sorry if I just completely ignored you during that battle. Ears aren't working as they should be.

[HAW FRANCIS]

How're you doing?

[TORUNN]

How was that beer, by the way?

[Private to Clint, Bobbi, Steve, and both Nats]

Pretty sure you know by now that there's been a little hubbub over in the kids' camp. I don't know how much any of you were able to piece together, but Francis thinks he broke up his team. Kid's taking it hard. I can't imagine the others are doing any better.

So do we say something or let them work this out? Much as I want to Dad the heck out of this, they are adults.

[Clint]

I'm taking the kid on a trip to Earth to pick up Christmas lights. He's never had them. And he thinks Christmas is something you don't do when you grow up. Figure he should start catching up on enjoying himself. You interested in helping out?

[James Rogers]

Did you get me something?

[ Torunn ]

I said red was your color.

[ A few minutes later ]
Whatever this fucking would-be Santa Claus bullshitcrap is, I didn't leave out cookies and I didn't want presents. What am I supposed to do with a tube of red [...] whatever this is anyway?

An Invisible something. Feels dick-shaped.

If it's yours, I suggest you get it the fuck out of here before I paint it the rainbow flag. It's in my fucking way.

On a scale of one to ten, how normal is it for humans to lose all equilibrium after running up a flight of stairs? For that matter, how normal is it for their heads to keep spinning right round when they sit down?

Not that I don't enjoy proving theories, and I'm stoked that the multiverse one is true, but I need to get home. Is anyone working on finding a way back?

That being said, I have to thank Cosmo for the hospitality and also Sam at the medical center for making sure my sutures survived the trip.

If anybody fucking needs me, don't expect to find me.

[...]fuckThis place.

James, I'll buy you a new chair when I get a job.

Aw I was actually at the doctor's.

And some stupid water planet next. And now some asshole's head.

Why is there a dog that isn't my dog. Someone fix this. I just want my goddamn dog.

...