Knowhere IC

[The sound of static noise, interrupted by a man's voice. He sounds distant, like he's standing several feet away and talking at the device]



Oh, Hell's bells I miss the days when technology was simple.

I am way too old for this crap.

[Indistinguishable grumbling]

Uhh, mayday? I need Coke and a bottle of aspirin.

[More static cuts through]



And a shovel for horse-sized dog shit. Send help.

I haven't seen Cassie at work today.

Does anyone know if she's sick or do people go back to their own worlds at random here?

Thanks to a lot of help, we've made good progress on cleaning up the marketplace. If anyone else is looking for something to do right now, there are areas near housing and particularly the miners' barracks that could use some hands.

[Parents of the Next Avengers]

I set the three of them helping out to keep their minds distracted today, so you don't have to worry about them.

[Sharon Carter (AU)]

Once we get them back, I need a few minutes with our idiot after you're done with him. You holding up?

[ Open Comms ]

Finally this place is starting to feel a little more normal.

[ Direct Comms: Torunn ]

So. Hulk and Asgardian land in a floating space head and your friend says...

How're you doing?

This joke is terrible. Blame it on the Star Spangled Idiot. The big one.

[ Direct Comms: Clint Barton(s) and Bobbi ]

So. This bow is awesome. Also, there's a Hulk. Also. These aliens are fucking persistent and really dumb.

[Open Comms]

Were it not for the glorious nature of this battle, I would quite loudly curse those who would send me to this strange realm!

And there is a Hulk!?

Someone fetch a bard when this battle is done, songs will need to be written of this day!

Open Communication: Sent to all comms

Attention all comms. We have a Code Green. Repeat, we have a Code Green.

A couple seconds later. Her voice is dry and sarcastic.

That means the Hulk has come out to play.

After a brief pause.

If you don't know what a Hulk is, steer clear. I am not joking around. Stay away from the big green guy.

But it looks like he's on our side... for now.

Clothes are very different here to what they were like back in my time.

Also I don't think I like that saying. "Back in my time". It makes me sound really old.

Does anyone have some coffee to spare?

I've decided to take drop back to part time in the med bay to work part time in another department. After having spoken to Mantis, I'm joining her staff as a counselor. I'll be available for 4 hours Sunday afternoons, and Tuesday and Thursday mornings, if anyone wants to talk about...well, anything.

[Filtered to each of the Next Avengers, separately]

I know that there has been some upheaval lately for you, and that you're also in a place that is incredibly different from where you grew up. If you'd like to talk, my door is open to you.

[Private to Clint, Bobbi, Steve, and both Nats]

Pretty sure you know by now that there's been a little hubbub over in the kids' camp. I don't know how much any of you were able to piece together, but Francis thinks he broke up his team. Kid's taking it hard. I can't imagine the others are doing any better.

So do we say something or let them work this out? Much as I want to Dad the heck out of this, they are adults.

[DadClint Barton (MCU!Canon), MomBobbi Morse, (MCU!Canon), Natasha Romanoff (MCU!Canon)]

[...]Can I borrow a couch for a couple days?

[ Barry ]

Hey, Hammockdude.

[ Next Avengers ]

*bursts of static and electricity crackling, followed by bouts of incomprehensible screaming, and the sounds of banging and crashing*

I woke up on a gravity amped dirt ball of a planet, played 20 questions with a talking dog wearing a space suit, and now I'm heading to the barracks to find my bunk. This certainly isn't the weirdest day I've ever had, but yeah... it's ranking pretty high.

[ MomBobbi ]

So. On a scale of 1 to 1,000 -- if I, one hundred percent by accident blew up your training range, how mad would you be?

[ Torunn ]

Hey. Tori. I need some high flying.

[ James Rogers ]

Hey.

I take back all the fucking shit I just said about random gifts.

At first I thought this short sword might belong to someone in the house considering how many weapons there are around here, but no one recognizes it. I assume it's another bad delivery attempt. Anyone missing an almost-dagger-sized sword? Describe it and it's yours.

[James Rogers]

Did you get me something?

[ Torunn ]

I said red was your color.

[ A few minutes later ]
Whatever this fucking would-be Santa Claus bullshitcrap is, I didn't leave out cookies and I didn't want presents. What am I supposed to do with a tube of red [...] whatever this is anyway?

No idea who Black Widow is but this mug is pretty neat. Mystery mug owner, make yourself known otherwise I will add your mug to my collection.

Watching the universe is kind of depressing.

Did someone order a SHIELD jet?

An Invisible something. Feels dick-shaped.

If it's yours, I suggest you get it the fuck out of here before I paint it the rainbow flag. It's in my fucking way.