Hey everyone. I’m Peter. Parker? Peter Parker. From Queens. I’m Mr. Stark’s intern and he said I should post here cause I guess we’re all in the same boat? I’m from the other universe which was just…the worst remake of every bad apocalypse movie I've ever seen. Seriously. But I’m not dust in the wind here like that really old song and I got to catch an actual Pikachu, so this timeline's not that bad so far.

I can’t believe some of you are Avengers?? What’s that even like? How do you even

Anyway, hi! Um, how's everyone's day going?

[Drax/Gamora/Peter Quill]

I probably should have mentioned this before when the reality stone was freaking out, but most people around here don’t know I’m Spider-man? That would be so cool if you guys could keep that between us. It was pretty awesome working together! I can cross 'catching Pokemon with aliens' off my bucket list now.

Sorry about the reality thing. My bad.

Since the dust has had time to settle and Damage Control crews have been cleaning up, it might be a good time to review a few basic guidelines regarding the Infinity Stones. ( Read more... )

If you need help, ask.

I've just come from the end of the world. I'm not in entirely presentable condition. Maybe try not to bombard me with information.

But I figured I should - say hi, or something. If only so Dr. Strange doesn't have to lie to anyone about finding me in Central Park yesterday.

To: t.stark@starkindustries.com
From: p.quill@starkindustries.com

Subject: Time off?

Sup boss.

So my not-dead girlfriend is back from not being dead which is awesome. Can I have some time off? She doesn't know anything about Terra and I will literally kill the first person that shows her what Chinese food is before me. Seriously.

I mean. Your not-dead serious fiancee has come back so I think you get it.

Plus, not to be a jackass or anything but work without booze is boring. I vote we get some vape pens and look like douches. Well. You more than me.

<3 you

Star-Lord

I am Gamora. Is this the reference board where I inquire about how to fit in on this miserable little planet?


( private message to loki )

What the hell happened to my office? Didn't anyone dust in there while I was gone? Where's my assistant? How can I get caught up when everything is such a mess?

Yes, I'm back.
Yes, I'm still pregnant.
And yes, the wedding is still a go. I just have to reorganize a bit.

Okay, I can't believe this hasn't happened yet BUT legit -- what's the resolutions here? Who has any that are interesting?

I mean, mine are crazy simple.

1) Find Atlantis
2) Eat 50 different types of cheeses
3) Learn Klingon.

See? Easy.

It grows ever colder outside. How am I to obtain powdered cheese puffs with a ridiculous cat wearing sunglasses on the packaging?

What are you doing

I LIVE!!

Alright. I never thought it would come to this, but here I am.

Song recs. Give them to me. I .... can't keep living in the 70s and 80s.

Well. I can..but I probably shouldn't. MTV is scary and this Cardi B woman is terrifying. Like who seriously finds that attractive?! I'm so confused by Earth.

Music. Gimme.

I'm back, baby.

What'd I miss?

I have been watching movies to master this culture's idioms. It's only two thirds as tedious as I'd expected.

Are all Earthers hopeless at combative tactics or is it a media conceit?

Why are you crying while listening to the Bee Gees? What's wrong?

Peter, who is not a man, yet not quite a dude, is sad and leaking profusely from his eyes. I suggest everyone leave him alone to wallow in his despair until he is man enough to use a Kleenex instead of his shirt.

[Posted much earlier than would be typical for Jane]

( This is astrophysicist Cecilia Payne-Gaposchkin )

[Message to Steve]
Hi. Sorry I know this is random but would you want to go see a ball game sometime? I'd like to see a game before the season ends and you're the only person I know who might enjoy it.

Right, so you all seem to know each other which is cool. I don't know any of you so since I'm a friendly kind of guy, let's fix that.

...and if Tony boss is reading this (or his terrifying fiancée), it's break! I'm on break! I can have breaks!


( 50 random questions )

I hope by now, we all realize that some of our people are going to go missing.

Yes, it's related to the timeline instability. No, I can't stop it. Yes, I wish I could. No, I have no way of knowing until after it's happened. And yes, it'll keep happening.

Wanda Maximoff is back with us, but her memory's been compromised. She's staying here at the Sanctum.

For full disclosure, I'm going to make this into a Reddit style AMA. I did it a few years ago in r/neurology. If you want to comment with what you remembered for others to read, you can. If you have a question about our universe, no matter how outlandish, ask it. I'll answer to the best of my ability.

( I've seen a little too much. )

Okay, so I am continuously amazed by stuff I learn on the internet (WHICH IS AMAZING BY THE WAY) and wtf -- they make man thongs?!

Also, Borat is a HILARIOUS movie! Why was there never a sequel??? Holy. That man is a frickin' GENIUS.

There is a certain Captain who is having his 100th birthday in four days! This is deserving of a celebration with fireworks, barbecue, cornhole, the works! I realize that this is pretty last minute, and I even questioned if I could pull something together this close to the event. Turns out that yes. Yes I can! So ( YOU ARE INVITED! )

First off, Bruce is gone again. Bummed. Hope he's not stuck as a space gladiator again.

Show of hands on who wants to beat the pulp out an angry eggplant? I'm raising my hand. Anyone else? Bueller? Because I kinda felt like the dream left things hanging in a weird (very bad) place. Maybe it's just me. Maybe not.

Also, if anyone comes across any HYDRA super-weapons, can you beat the pulp out of those guys and try not to touch them too much until we scan 'em for prints? Fury's looking for leads to help track down the weapons runners. It's a world-wide hot mess that Fury and Morse are dealing with right now.

[filtered to Jane Foster and Peter Quill]

Did you two get that ship fixed?

My memory stops just short of my arrival here.

That doesn't happen to me. Anyone else? What is that?

Also, if you know me… ugh. Hello. Here we are.

Right. Where can I find the nearest junkyard that would possibly have the parts needed for Reaction Control System Thrusters?

SOMEONE named DRAX who SUCKS broke my ship (mine) and now I have to fix it or I'm stuck here forever, which isn't really that BAD considering pizza is still amazing, and Netflix is a thing (how this isn't intergalatial, I have no idea!) but yeah. I'm a wanderer, baby and a wanderer gotta wander. And roam. And be romantic in the stars. Oh yeah.

You all know what I'm talking about.

Anyways. Parts. Where do I get them and preferably for free as I am B-R-O-K-E as a J-O-K-E.

Incidentally, if anyone knows where I can get a job as a speller, I'd be amazing at that.

<3 Peace, y'all!

> I may have gotten us jobs
> And a place to live
> You're welcome
> Well Tony Stark's... "other half" may have but I asked.
> Where are you? We never got to go see a Broadway show.
> Aladdin seems nice.

So there's apparently some universe slapping that's happened by a wizard and now this is the network we can all talk on so that we know who is and isn't affected?

How does that even work?

But, uh, hi everyone. I'm Peter. Parker. Peter Parker, that's me.

Hey. Listen. I know we're all kinda waiting for something to top the Sharknado incident or for someone to get arrested or whatever BUT, hear me out. I got a gig being a DJ at Retro Club NYC this week on Friday night. All of you who are of age to go to a Terran club should come and dance and drink and have fun so they might actually hire me.

I'm looking at you Asgardians especially since I know you all can party.

Peter I know you're in the next room, probably, but I'm already on the computer and I'm extremely frustrated so here goes: We should move into just one room and keep in it for a while longer, save that money, get a job, get a few wages and THEN rent a place. These cheap places are ridiculous, too far away or just a room with other people and we can't do that. One apartment didn't have a kitchen!

I'm nowhere with jobs either. What do you think we should apply for that we might be remotely qualified for? I mean you know more about how the world functions in general than I do. We can worry about the work experience papers later. But I'm pretty sure most weapon/thievery involving work is illegal.

WELL I'm going ice skating. Who wants to come with?

Friends and associates! We have located a new domicile, thanks to the assistance of Miss Potts. It is a larger space, and once we are comfortably installed there, we may host new revelries to celebrate. In the meantime, should any additional Asgardians join us here in this realm, they will have a home with us.

Thank you again, Miss Potts.

[Text to Peter Quill]

> I contacted Strange. He says Barnes (Bucky I think it was?) has a way to get us documents. How much cash have you got left?


[Text to Bucky Barnes]

> Hi, I'm Gamora. Dr. Strange told me you were asking around about who needed credentials, or documentation, or whatever applies best. Peter Quill and I do. Can you help? Thank you.

Peter, we need to talk. My room, yours, or elsewhere?

Attention friends! I have decreed that we should all gather and celebrate being together in this strange time and place. There shall be a party at my living quarters this coming week ending. If you can see this message, you are invited. There will be weak Midgardian spirits, and delicious delicacies for all and sundry to consume and imbibe at your leisure! Let us eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we may die!


( [Private to Loki] )

Yooo, what up bitches?

Right so I know I've met most of you. I'm Darcy. This is your opportunity to ask me any questions you didn't before. Serious questions about being here and whatever.

If anyone needs anything, you come to me. I'll try to help you out and get it. Depends on what it is.

Also I've decided I'm rooming with Thor. You're welcome.

Imbibing on Midgard so far feels like having sex on a water raft.

EDIT Right so to clear this up: That is an idiom that means 'it's fucking close to water' meaning Midgardian spirits feel extremely weak. The actual act of sex on a water raft however is much more thrilling and I recommend it.

Hello. I'm Dr. Strange. I'm the reason you're reading this right now.

No, it wasn't intentional.

No, I can't fix it.

Yes, I'm here if you want to yell, scream, or ask questions.