Hello! It is I, Thor, Prince of Asgard, Lord of Thunder, Earth's Mightiest Avenger! I have been informed that this device will allow me to communicate with my allies. I am posting here to let you all know that I have arrived in Asgardia!

The Feast celebrating my return will begin shortly!

( Group Text to Nat, Yelena, & Bruce. )

( Text to Val )

I have an important announcement to make.

Steve has decided to retire from the superhero life. He's giving up the Captain America mantle and is no longer living in the tower.

Okay, SO. I have exciting news. I moved into my own floor in the building with Tony's penthouse. To celebrate my housewarming, I've decided that we ladies need a proper slumber party. Now, unfortunately, because I know myself, I'm going to make it 18+, sorry young'uns. But all the other ladies who can read this are invited.

No, Quill, you cannot come even if you wear a wig and a dress.

Yes, Loki, you can come if you want to shapeshift.

I'm looking at Saturday the 19th. How's that sound for everyone?

[To everyone who attended Thor & Jane's wedding on Genosha]
I wanted to extend my thanks - I couldn't have succeeded without everyone's help. I can never be thankful enough.

[Wanda]
I owe you a debt that can never be repaid - your assistance was vital. I cannot thank you enough. We are both doing as well as can be - I am sure Loki would love to hear from you. Don't let him fool you - he is worn out and in need of more downtime, but, well, I am sure he'll tell you otherwise.

[Thor & Jane]
Thank you both for letting me use your wedding as a cover. We will have to have a feast when you return - I am forever thankful.

Pack your flip flops and grab your passports, we're going to Genosha for Thor and Jane's wedding. We finally got everyone's clearance to get in, which was like jumping through hoops of fire. Rooms and venue are all booked. We fly out tomorrow night at 5 PM. No paparazzi or media allowed. We're allowed only one photog in designated areas.

Cap's come up with a 3 part plan: ( Recon, Distract, Evac. )

( Private to Bruce, Darcy, Jane, and Steve )

Finally, some good news.

Because of those legal statements from our resident Asgardians and Jane, lawyers were able to broker an agreement.

The Feds want to settle for ten million in restitution and some community service from Thor, if he's ok with that. Mostly social appearances. You know. Say hi. Smile, wave, refuse to promote anyone else's political or military agenda. Go home. EZPZ.

Jane, if you accept, it means all of your assets won't be frozen anymore. Asgard won't be considered terrorist sympathizers either. Which we all know was b.s. and a total knee-jerk reaction anyway.

[Thor]
I have a thought - and I want your input.

[Tony]
I have an idea.

Well bad news first: Sif appears to be gone. But, this spawned an idea. Up for hearing it?

[TONY Stark]
» I have some Intel for you

[WANDA]
» i asked if you would help me with my experiment. Are you still willing?

Not to rain on any Captain Murica Parades but I got word from Legal about the whole terrorism and Loki thing. ( Read more... )

I hate asking - but the longer I sit around the harder this gets. I worry Loki might think I've abandoned him or given up and I have done neither.

Can you reach him and tell him these things? See if he has any clues to where he might be now? I know the legal folk are doing their job but... I think you understand my concern?

I might try something potentially stupid... I need a reason not to

I have never been busier in my life. and it has been a very, very long life indeed. I keep thinking I'll run out of ways to keep me busy so I don't do something stupid bother everyone helping us, then I add on ten more things to do.

I admit I might finally need a drink.

I was wondering if you had been able to reach Loki at all?

I wish to hit something spar with someone. Combat experience is preferred, but if you have no background, I could instruct you. Group sessions are also acceptable.

Hello fellow Avengers.

We in New Asgard have been considering what our best option is for dealing with both Loki's capture and the storm caused by Thor's anger in New York. Having seen the news reports, we now understand the scale of the storm and the harm it caused, and the further damage to the Avengers.

We know we often misunderstand how things operate on Midgard and seek advice on how we can repair the damage. We expect to pay compensation for the damages to the city, and wergild for the deaths and injuries. The news reports suggest a rough amount for the damages, though we don't know the costs of wergild under Midgard's laws.

We are also considering what Thor can do to repair the damages he caused with his temper, as well as his punishment under our own laws. He behaved in a manner unbefitting a prince and must deal with the consequences.

We also are direly concerned about Loki's situation, not because we think he has committed no crimes, but because we have worked to rehabilitate him and worry that jailing him will undo the efforts we and he have put toward improving his heart and soul. It is well-known among Asgardians that I have little love for Loki and have often opposed him and even threatened him when he has done wrong. But I have seen improvements in him since his arrival on Midgard. However he is to be punished, we need to ensure that he continues on his forward path lest further ill consequences ensue.

We also know that asking the Avengers for counsel risks the wrath of the Midgardian governments who have named us terrorists. Still, we ask your advice because you are our best hope for resolving this crisis. While Thor and Loki and the Valkyrie and I have acted in the public eye, most of New Asgard is innocent of this quarrel and should not be punished for our deeds and misdeeds. It is our responsibility to protect them.

Last, but not least, it is also important to us to protect Dr Foster, who was only involved in this matter because I called on her to calm Thor when he was enraged. Because she helped to stop the storm and convince Thor to return to New Asgard, she is now branded a terrorist and denied her possessions and her ability to travel to her home country. Perhaps she is even to be made homeless, though she will have a home with us even if Midgard denies her. We ask that even if you cannot help us, you will assist Dr Foster. She is an innocent in this matter and whatever consequences apply to New Asgard sound not fall on her.

Thank you for reading, and for any counsel you may offer. We are further in your debt.

What just happened?

Did I just lose my citizenship?

[later]
Every lecture and consulting gig I had on the books has been cancelled.

[later]
I'm getting a warning and am locked out of my bank account.

[a few minutes after this airs]

» I expected it to be bad.
» but not that bad.
» I'm so angry I almost broke this stupid device

Alright.

I'll admit it. Things aren't bad. Though maybe.

Maybe I work too much.

First, I would like to apologize for missing the attack that came about New york.

Second, what day do Midgardians collect the blue bin trash?

Folk of Midgard, please enlighten me, for I know little about your people: how long is five years compared to a mortal lifetime?

[Private to Val, Loki and Sif]

How go the arrangements for the move? I am almost done culling my things.

Our people, I see, are busy with their own packing; however, I know most of them are eager (if not all) to be in their new homes. Are we able to start accommodating that now?

( (spoilers within) net post )

[Loki]
You told me to text you if you were gone when I woke up. Well... I've woken up three times and you're still gone so... here I am, texting you as you wished.

[Thor]
I would just like to report I still have not murdered Agatha, I hope you are proud of this.

[Bruce]
Loki told me you were here. I wasn't sure if you were prepared for a lot of attention, I know how overwhelming it can be when you first arrive. But I'm glad you're here, my friend.

[Tony]
Congrats on your small human. I do not know what to bring as a gift besides a weapon which I doubt you or Pepper would approve of. I can provide you with a pillow made from the softest feathers in all existence. My steed would be happy to provide if that would be something you are interested in.

Valkyrie. A word. I hear you're the one who knows the most about these powered fight clubs.

[Loki]
I think there is another mouse in my room. I'm not upset by it, I just thought you might like to know. Dain made the discovery when I went looking for one of my wrist guards.

[Thor]
Loki and I have recently been watching many episodes of the Bar Rescue and I did not realize Midgard had so many ridiculous variations of alcohol.

[Jane]
I'm sorry I have not reached out before now. I am, as you may be aware, not one for outwardly displays of emotion and find myself at a loss for proper words of comfort the majority of the time. But you are in my thoughts and I hope you know that if there is anything you could possibly need, I am at your disposal. All you need do is ask.

Today, I am happy and grateful for everything that has been provided to me and mine. I do not often spout platitudes, and yet I have found myself feeling overwhelmed with pleasant thoughts.

You all have a part in that, especially that of Jane.

Thank you all. I am honoured to call you all friends.

[Message to Thor, Loki, and Valkyrie]

Is there a reason why half the Asgardians I see in the hallways have started calling me Lady Doctor?

Everyone crawl outta their turkey coma yet? I think Happy's still sleeping it off. And that's ok. He needs his beauty sleep.

Had a chat with Strange. He's been working on getting a couple of the world's worst flavors of poprocks contained in magical whatsits before he passes them out for guard duty. That's going to be fun. Like the Christmas present no one wanted, only there's no gift receipt for a return. Expect to hear from him soon-ish.

Oh, and I saw the news, but I was waiting for Captain Obvious to step up and say hi. Don't be shy.

[private filter to Steve]

Yeah, I know I'm a jerk. Recent events were enough of a punch in the junk that I know we need to have a chat. Also soon-ish.

You know, whenever you can pencil me in. Because you probably still use stone age tools like pencils.

[Various texts, backdated to Sunday]

[Loki]
I don't know if holidays are your thing but you're welcome to over to my place for Thanksgiving as long as you can get along with Darcy. If you can't I'll pitch you off the balcony.

[Valkyrie]]
I don't know if anyone has explained Thanksgiving but it's pretty much a holiday where we express our gratitude for all we have by eating until we can't move. You're welcome to come over Thursday for the holiday at my place.

[Thor]
Stop for pie on your way back from Norway.

[Loki]

I'm bringing home brownies which, as midgardian food goes, is pretty fuckin good.

[Thor]

I was hoping to take Dain hunting soon. Would you be interested in joining us?

[Tony]

How is your vacation going?

> I suppose you have seen the message upon the network by now.
> Busy or do you have time to gloat?

I hope you are well. I am sorry I have been 'off the grid' as they say. I have regained my connection to the voices of the dead and have been quite overwhelmed.

So I likely set off an alarm or two when I leapt to your balcony this morning. I am sorry. I am in need of open air and knew no place better.

Frigga

I wanted to check in and see how you were doing. Loki told me you lost Mr. Fury in the dusting, I'm sorry.

Jane

How's the particle thing coming?

Thor

Hey big guy.

Tony

You still alive?

Capt. America

I hope you're okay.

Val

What...ever happens, I don't blame you.

Please tell me you are both alive. Loki has thrown me from Vanaheim as close as he could to where he feels you. I can feel Stormbreaker and will locate you as soon as I am able.

(1) I recognize I have not been physically home in a week; however, locks were not installed during that time, were they? I cannot open the door...

6 rainbows over our part of the city alone, big guy? I hope this means you took a bit of my advice.

It's my birthday and I do what I want to. Since I'm one of those people that's notoriously hard to shop for, I'll gladly accept the gift of gifs.

( I'll start. )

I don't feel so good. Does anyone else not feel so good?

[Texts to Thor]

> Hey, thanks for the other day, it was good to get out and have nothing bad happened
> We should do it again sometime

[Text to Valkyrie]

> You feeling up to getting out?
> Feel like it's been a long time

[Texts to Nat]

> How's things?
> I'm feeling less... hermit'y, did I miss a good party?

[Texts to Sam]

> Sorry about missing the party
> I would have been a Debbie Downer so trust me I did you a favour

I never thought New York would be cleaner than California but it is. Even the ants are happy about it. Oh, and by the way? If you DO see ants, please don't squish them. They're probably mine or Hope's. But also don't squish them anyways they're good people--er. Ants.

( Private to Hope )

( Private to Valkyrie )

( Private to Doctor Strange )

[Text to Thor]
> I'm sorry I've failed you before and continue to do so even now. I don't think I'm cut out for what I mindlessly set out to help you with.
> Apparently I'm weaker and more useless than I thought, probably all the years of scavenging and nothing else.
> If there's a way to resign my post as your kingsguard or whatever I was, consider this it. Thanks for everything.

[Text to Bruce]
> I tried to help, I'm sorry I couldn't. I got shot out of the air like a bird at a hunt. It's ridiculous.
> I guess my calling on this planet is miserable failure and I'm not into it. I hope you'll feel better soon.

[Text to Loki]
>I need to talk to you.

We got a code green.

Just when I was about to go full Augustus Gloop candy whore on a chocolate bunny. Gonna haul ass for the Hulkbuster and try to buy some time for Hulk to cool his jets.

SITREP: Looks like a blast went off near the hotel, near the corner of 56th and 7th. Didn't have time to stop and check, but it looks bad for whoever was nearby. WHIH is going to drop a brick in their pants with joy over this.

Looking for Strange.

Loki and I are having a lot of sex. Thought you all should know.

[Loki]

This is what you get.