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[Sep. 14th, 2008|12:06 am] |
From forth the empty Space Between
Have I been dragged into Hell
Least Creation, my mantle now
Exile, not punishment enough. |
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[Sep. 6th, 2008|01:02 am] |
It seems that, with God having abdicated the Papal throne by way of teleportation, a new Pope will soon be elected. I can only assume that, being both Jewish and quasi-demonic, I will soon be out on my ear.
I did enjoy annoying the bishops by making them walk diagonally, though. |
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[Aug. 29th, 2008|01:51 am] |
I've arranged a babysitter. I've made reservations at a very nice restaurant and at an even nicer hotel. I'm going to take the woman I love out of the house for the night, wine her, dine her, and then fuck her until I pass out from exhaustion. Since I don't have a body, as such, this may take some time.
Anyone who is under the mistaken impression that they need either of us is invited to introduce themselves bodily to the business end of a deep chasm. |
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[Aug. 24th, 2008|12:18 am] |
What is this? I do not understand. What is happening? |
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[Jul. 31st, 2008|03:25 pm] |
Wha...how..how'd I get here?
Momma tried to kill me, I tried to get away, then the blue tornado came and..I woke up in a hospital?
If God did this...why now? If she told me I was a possessed and a witch. |
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[Jul. 29th, 2008|06:09 pm] |
I'm thinking about organizing a Beach Day for all of us! It's summer, so we should go swimming and have a cookout and eat sandwiches and watermelon.
Any ideas where we should have it? |
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[Jul. 25th, 2008|12:06 pm] |
I want to fucking drop a motherfucker.
That shit was not funny. |
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[Jul. 13th, 2008|02:46 pm] |
Is everyone okay? Crowley? Aziraphale? Lucifer? Who'd better not be upset with me, I can't tell sometimes.
Just to let people know, I run a daycare center in New York City, so if you've got children in the area, or don't mind portkeying them in, please stop by.
Also, if you're a new arrival, post here so I can get you some cookies! I like to make all the new people cookies - just my way of letting you know that people here can be nice. |
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[Jul. 8th, 2008|08:29 pm] |
The rate of sudden impulse marriages brought on by unexplained affection for strangers has ebbed, but the rate of marriage in general continues to flow. Those of you concerned about the prospect of a newly married Lucifer defiling the so-called sanctity of marriage can breathe easy, for the odds of (as Lilith might put it) this bitch being united with another in the bonds of holy anything are low.
But then, I've been wrong before. |
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[Jun. 27th, 2008|08:44 pm] |
( Lucifer )
I'm in the mood for a good fuck. No strings, no relationship nonsense. Just some fun. Anybody interested? Ladies? |
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[Jun. 27th, 2008|01:31 am] |
Life is beautiful!
♥
How are you all? |
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[Jun. 5th, 2008|03:19 pm] |
I've just made a few purchases. After recent events, I felt the need to have a few places where I, and/or others, can go to ground safely. I now need alarm systems that will make these places safer than Fort Knox.
( Dean ) |
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[May. 16th, 2008|12:27 am] |
I'm tired and I want to go home and I miss my husband.
I hate everything. |
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[Apr. 28th, 2008|01:04 pm] |
Hey Thor! Wanna hang out and play Xbox360? And oh I don't know, maybe do it at your house? Where your lovely wife Mary could maybe make some more of her divine cookies? |
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[Apr. 25th, 2008|11:52 am] |
So this Bible mess? Ridiculous. God's cruel the first half, then suddenly changes his tune at the New Testament. And humanity is expected to just embrace him for his Almighty abuse. People forget all about the fact that God wiped the planet clean and started over... just for the fuck of it. Then he sends Jesus and people fawn.
Please.
Sounds like God realized he fucked up with Adam and Eve so he sent Jesus to fix it up. But instead of admitting a mistake, he makes it sound like he's doing everybody a favor. And poor Jesus. For all his trouble, he gets murdered and betrayed and God doesn't do a damn thing to save him.
Also? Where'd the rumors start about me being a child eating demon? Bullshit. Just because I couldn't bow down before a man and the Almighty. And me being a child eating demon who's married to Satan? I didn't even know Satan. She's a cutie, yeah. But I don't think I'm doing marriage again. Ever. Once was more than enough for me. |
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[Apr. 20th, 2008|12:49 pm] |
I don't know what this Bible thing is about. I need to read it when I have nothing better to do than sit on my ass and waste my time on however many pages. It's some long winded shit. I don't think I'm going to like it. The way those kids were talking about God being all knowing and good and all that bullshit. And Jesus. I don't know who that is, but he loves little children and that sounds wrong to me. I've loved many a person, but never a little child. No one seemed upset by it, either. Like loving children is okay. This place is strange.
Maybe it's just me, I don't know.
So I asked these kids who it was that taught them all this shit. And they said it was me. I replaced some God-lover. A God-lover with ugly clothes, at that. You should look at some of the shit in this closet. But anyway. They said I was a Sunday school teacher. Which, thanks to the internet, I now know means someone who teaches about religion. Which means teaching about God. Teaching happy lies about God being sweet and merciful and loving. Fucking figures, right?
So when little Timmy asked me what God was like, I told him the honest answer. Poor boy's been lied to all his life, he deserves to know the truth, right? God's an asshole who will happily create you, fuck around with you, and then toss you aside when He gets bored. I told them my story. None of them knew about it. Some of the kids didn't like that so much. Their parents liked it even less.
So I'm out a job.
Oops. |
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[Apr. 17th, 2008|05:38 pm] |
This is new.
First, I'm purged from the garden for not bending to that idiot's every whim. Then three angels come after me for being a bad, bad girl. I thought things were settled. Nod was decent. It wasn't Eden, but then I wasn't forced to listen to complaining all the time. Or boring sermons from the Almighty. That shit gets tired. I was okay in Nod. I had some fun there. Then I wake up here. Figures.
What is this place? Another weak attempt at punishment? Bring it on, God. I can take it. I'm still not not apologizing or going back to that place. |
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[Mar. 26th, 2008|05:55 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | alexandra cabot, amber volakis, eve, glados, god, greg house, james wilson, jasper badun, lisa cuddy, lucifer, rebecca house, shane mccutcheon, slevin kelevra, tara house, thirteen | ] |
This is what happens when you download too much porn. You end up in another dimension where Cuddy owns her own hospital? This is God laughing at me right? Note to self: Midget porn = another dimension. |
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[Mar. 23rd, 2008|10:29 pm] |
What're the Jews up to? The whole Jesus thing probably overshadows 'em right around now. Come to that, shouldn't the Romans be keeping their heads down? They try to play up the whole Catholic thing, but I think they're up to something. Keep your Messiahs out of Rome, is what I'm sayin'.
And why does my spell checker recognize "Messiahs" as a viable word? How many times has it ever really needed to be pluralized before this? |
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[Mar. 20th, 2008|10:26 pm] |
Easter dinner this Sunday at my house for those people who might be away from their families! RSVP in comments so I know how many to cook for, please! |
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[Mar. 20th, 2008|08:53 pm] |
God, I didn't do anything this time. I swear. |
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[Mar. 5th, 2008|09:14 pm] |
I forgot what a gorgeous man I am.
I'm thinking after this fades, I might just bring it out of the repertoire every so often. |
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[Mar. 3rd, 2008|03:12 am] |
I will confess that there are occasions when I miss certain... details. It is only to be expected, when ones mind is accustomed to strolling with the highest and most intricate truths of the very Universe. Nevertheless... even I, prone as I am to fits of inspired oblivion, am surprised and dismayed to find that I seem to have overlooked the moment it transpired that I was a saint worthy of being scooped up by the very Hand of Divinity and set down...
...well.
I'm afraid I somehow missed the Biblical passage that describes either Heaven or Hell as anything quite so...
...
...so...
What's going on? |
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[Feb. 26th, 2008|10:38 am] |
Huhn.
That was just a little weird. One minute I am in my practice, the next I am here... in another practice. |
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[Feb. 21st, 2008|09:32 am] |
Mary, I got us the BEST PRESENT. Even the babies can use it when they get older and stuff.
But you've gotta guess! |
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[Feb. 9th, 2008|02:41 pm] |
For Valentine's day, I'm going to bake cookies for everyone who wants them - especially people who don't have a valentine and need a pick-me-up. I can make pretty much any kind, and if you want something I haven't heard of, I'll track it down!
I'm in New York, but I'll send cookies anywhere. I like sharing love! And cookies. Hee. ♥ |
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[Jan. 30th, 2008|07:22 pm] |
...
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...
Newspaper's dated 2008.
...
...
...
What happened t'the last 25 years? |
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[Jan. 25th, 2008|11:59 am] |
So, now that I'm over the shock of that fuckin' week an' can officially form a coherent English sentence 'gain:
'Sup, Little Ma?
[OOC: Mary of the Biblical Association, is who he's talking about.] |
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[Jan. 22nd, 2008|09:56 pm] |
Thor? Lucifer? Anyone?
Toby's here, but I have no clue where I am. It's nice, though! And there's a Mac. ... how do I copy and paste? Oh. Got it!
But yes. Help, please? |
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[Jan. 21st, 2008|03:47 am] |
Things that affected me this past week include:
-Being struck inexplicably nude.
-Leading a song and dance number with the Almighty to the tune of The Jackson Five's "ABC".
-Randomly channeling the personality of a someone who spoke in exclusively one-word sentences. Loudly.
-Randomly channeling a chatterbox so perky and hyper that, were I mortal, I would kill myself to prevent it from happening again.
Things that I retained through all this:
-The common sense not to tell the world when these particular afflictions descended upon me. |
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[Jan. 21st, 2008|02:28 am] |
Well at least this time I wasn't ... nice. And married. To God.
All in all it was rather nice. I was highly amused at all of you. Pity I didn't get the naked disease, though well it's not like I have to work very hard for that. |
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[Jan. 17th, 2008|10:01 am] |
Well shit. How many times does a girl have to go through puberty for fuck's sake? I'm a fucking deity. This is ridiculous.
Hey guys check it out! Now for the low low price of your eternal soul, you too can schtup a 14 year old! But wait, there's more! If pedophilia just isn't doing it for you anymore, take a gander at this! She's God too! How about that for ironic? |
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[Jan. 14th, 2008|02:52 pm] |
Oh for fuck's sake. As much as I enjoy speech without random heads blowing up, this is getting ridiculous.
On the bright side? Greggykins, I can actually say dirty things out loud to you now. Care to meet me at your place so I can tell you all the nasty things I want to do to you? |
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[Jan. 13th, 2008|11:20 pm] |
To whom it concerns:
Kindly stop trying to sell me your soul.
I don't want your soul. And being summoned through Dark Magics is most annoying. "Come, Lord Lucifer," et cetera, et cetera. The being you're attempting to summon is named Satan. Satan. And don't summon her, either. There's a reason it's called "a deal with the devil." It invariably comes back to bite you in the ass.
Moreover, do you have any idea how rude it is to just summon a divine being? When you're talking to God, you pray. When you're talking to Jesus, you pray. When you're talking to an angel, you summon? I am not your servant. I'm not asking for prayer. I don't want prayer. A phone call would suffice. I'm listed.
Furthermore, Uwe Boll, I don't care how much evil you've done in my name, I will not help you get an Oscar. |
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[Jan. 13th, 2008|03:55 pm] |
Dear San Diego Faithful:
Fuck you, Peyton is my homeboy. Y'all're on your own, for that shit. |
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[Jan. 12th, 2008|04:38 pm] |
Well, so much for privacy. ZMT reported the engagement today. So, I may as well make it public here, too. Todd Anderson and I are getting married. You'll probably hear about the scandal. *gasp* Two men proclaiming their love. I don't care. Todd and I are meant to be together. We've been through so much, marriage is the next step. I don't care who does or who doesn't approve. I love him. And I want the whole world to know it, and if that means I lose my job and no one will hire me to act on stage any more, then so be it. Todd's more important than any of that. |
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