Back home, people say that I'm lucky, because I've had true love twice. Once with Neal, and now with Killian. Thing is though, I don't know if what Neal and I had could be considered true love, because yeah, I loved him, and when he came back into my life, all of those old feelings came rushing back, but in the end, I don't think we would've really worked out in the long run. Maybe for Henry, we'd give it a try, but I don't know if I could've ever really gotten past my trust issues with him.
I know that I do love Killian, but I don't know if it's true love or not. I love him, but I spent a long time trying to tell myself that I didn't, that I don't know if that constitutes as true love or not. And I've been here for long enough now, that I think it's okay if I move on. If Killian shows up, he shows up. I love Killian, but I don't want to wait around hoping that he shows up forever. I deserve to be happy, damnit.
I think, that if I had true love with anyone, I could have had it with Graham. Maybe. I don't know if being the Savior, if true love's really an option with me. But with Graham...I don't know, I felt that for the first time in a long time, I could be happy with someone. That maybe, just maybe, I could let down the walls that I'd spent so long building up, that I could just let him, and we'd be happy together. But like everything else that's good in my life, at some point or another, it gets fucked up. Just when I felt that Graham and I could maybe be happy together, he died. In my arms. Tragic and said, yeah, I know. The shitty part? I never really got any closure from it. We kissed, I felt like we could be happy together, and then he died right there. How the hell am I supposed to get closure from that? I tell myself and everyone else that I've moved on, but I don't think I ever will.
So yeah. That's my big, dark, depressing confession. There's a tiny part of me that can't move on from some dead guy that I never even dated. Pathetic, I know.
Okay. I've spilled my deep dark secrets. Can I go back to hiding my feelings now like I usually do? Or at least, someone get me really drunk so I can try and forget that I posted all this crap.