Jurassic City - Network

I drink too much. I know it. I should be worried about it but I've accepted it. I'm going to die violently way before it can effect my health.

I'm always angry.

Bobbi is too good for me.

I joined SHIELD permanently out of spite after Bobbi and Mack kidnapped me. It felt nice to know that there was someone who still believed I could be of use for more than a hired gun once in a while. No one had really had faith in me since Isabelle. However, no one thinks less of me than I do. All those things people say about me, I think them all the time. That's why they don't really bother me.

I'm going to go drink.

Oliver's able to pull me away from pressing matters because he's surrounded by pretty girls, I owed him one, and he's pretty. I don't appreciate being spirited away.

OH. MY. GOSH!

This is -- this is incredible!

I'm here! I'm here! I have FINGERS. I have HANDS! This place is sooooooo pretty. It's not really like Equestria, but close enough. I was given money, and told what to do. I should probably tell you who I am. I'm Pinkie Pie! Hiya, everypony! I'm the pink haired pony -- uh, well, I don't seem to be a pony anymore. I have HANDS and my tail is gone -- I guess I'm the pink haired girl now! Neat. Where I come from, I'm known as a party planner, and hey! I throw new ponies parties ALL the time. Since, I'm the new one here, I think it calls for a party! Has anybody seen my party cannon? I think I might have dropped it on my way here. Also, if you come across a toothless alligator, that's Gummy. Please don't hurt him, he's really friendly and won't bite - he can't! He's toothless.

Speaking of losing things, I don't remember how I got here, this actually might be a dream. Has anypony seen Princess Luna around? She would definitely know what to do if this is a dream. I mean, it has to be a dream, right? I haven't tried to fly, yet -- Oh! I should do that.

Nope. Can't fly. In my dreams, I can fly. Or jump really high, and there's always ice cream. Where's the ice cream? Or at least any churros?

I'm hungry.

Oh! If anybody comes across some of my friends, please let me know? Twilight Sparkle, Dashy, AJ, Rarity, Fluttershy, or even Spike (he's a dragon, but a baby dragon, he's nice). I'll put up lost signs later! For now, party planning and baking. Who wants to help?

Back home, people say that I'm lucky, because I've had true love twice. Once with Neal, and now with Killian. Thing is though, I don't know if what Neal and I had could be considered true love, because yeah, I loved him, and when he came back into my life, all of those old feelings came rushing back, but in the end, I don't think we would've really worked out in the long run. Maybe for Henry, we'd give it a try, but I don't know if I could've ever really gotten past my trust issues with him.

I know that I do love Killian, but I don't know if it's true love or not. I love him, but I spent a long time trying to tell myself that I didn't, that I don't know if that constitutes as true love or not. And I've been here for long enough now, that I think it's okay if I move on. If Killian shows up, he shows up. I love Killian, but I don't want to wait around hoping that he shows up forever. I deserve to be happy, damnit.

I think, that if I had true love with anyone, I could have had it with Graham. Maybe. I don't know if being the Savior, if true love's really an option with me. But with Graham...I don't know, I felt that for the first time in a long time, I could be happy with someone. That maybe, just maybe, I could let down the walls that I'd spent so long building up, that I could just let him, and we'd be happy together. But like everything else that's good in my life, at some point or another, it gets fucked up. Just when I felt that Graham and I could maybe be happy together, he died. In my arms. Tragic and said, yeah, I know. The shitty part? I never really got any closure from it. We kissed, I felt like we could be happy together, and then he died right there. How the hell am I supposed to get closure from that? I tell myself and everyone else that I've moved on, but I don't think I ever will.

So yeah. That's my big, dark, depressing confession. There's a tiny part of me that can't move on from some dead guy that I never even dated. Pathetic, I know.

Okay. I've spilled my deep dark secrets. Can I go back to hiding my feelings now like I usually do? Or at least, someone get me really drunk so I can try and forget that I posted all this crap.

I still blame myself for Janet's death, may have irreparably damaged my relationship with my daughter, and have seen a man who was like a son to me betray me completely. My greatest invention was turned into a weapon by allies and enemies alike, and I was complicit in much of it. Until very recently, my last meaningful piece of human interaction was so long ago, I can't even remember what it was.

In the dark hours of the night, I wonder if I haven't gone crazy.

You know, when it comes down to it, just about everything I touch turns to shit.  My foster father turned out to be evil and I killed him, which got me a parole with possibility of death sentence for years.  I got my girlfriend turned into a vampire, started a war with those vampires, and have managed to piss of gangsters, faerie queens, and everyone in between.  I've betrayed good friends' trust, kept secrets from them.  And those victories I do have?  Usually come down to sheer dumb luck and being too damn stubborn to die.

I'm almost positive I'm not as good a person as Michael thinks I am.