Considering I am a lowly stand-up comedian with a bachelor's degree in Broadcast Journalism, this is all above my paygrade.
Like, seriously. A dog park that is actually a gateway to Hell? I mean, if you want to get technical I guess I have experience with gateways to Hell and maybe child-eating monsters but otherwise. I don't know what to put on my résumé here.
All of the above was just a clever cover for how I am about to
absolutely lose my shit though, I have to admit.