Welcome to Night Vale: In Character

Wow. That was apparently a real quick turn around.

Not sure I want to do that again. I'm kind of dizzy. But that might be the rum.

I miss my ship

Bond, what have you gotten me into now

Well, this is certainly quaint.

I must say the network here is appalling. Simply rubbish. You'd have thought a child made it.

I, in fact, did better work when I was a child

Someone should really fix it.

By which I mean I've already fixed it.

You're welcome.

I need something to do with my time, and I've always been terrible at being idle, so I'm going to start giving dance lessons. There's apparently a dance studio in town and they're letting me use one of the rooms. It seems remarkably non-terrifying.

I'm also going to be teaching self-defense classes out of the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex's gym.

Anyone who's interested in either of those is more than welcome to attend.

Well. I like the fact that this portal doesn't have spider eaters in it. Or high levels of radiation. That's a plus. I seem to be missing fellow spiders so I'm going to assume this wasn't intentional?

Well. This doesn't sound like New York or San Francisco. How lost am I?

Aw, portals. No.

I guess I don't have to worry about Ultron or creepy Cult of Entropy guys who were waaaaaay too interested in what side I was on.

I believe I've reached the point where random kidnappings across the multiverse are no longer surprising, but expected.

Well. This is certainly fucked up.

So this is new.

Okay.

This...looks bad.

[...]

Futzing hell.