Welcome to Night Vale: In Character

I need clothes. And money. I read there's a Science community here. Is there any need for a Biomedical Engineer?

Oh and if anyone sees a curly haired cowboy getting into trouble, just call me. I'll come collect him.

Considering I am a lowly stand-up comedian with a bachelor's degree in Broadcast Journalism, this is all above my paygrade.

Like, seriously. A dog park that is actually a gateway to Hell? I mean, if you want to get technical I guess I have experience with gateways to Hell and maybe child-eating monsters but otherwise. I don't know what to put on my résumé here.





All of the above was just a clever cover for how I am about to absolutely lose my shit though, I have to admit.

I don't even know what to think right now.

Okay.

I realise my life has been one ridiculous scenario after another lately. I've been blackmailed by a Master Sargent, I've been between the sheets with an alien -though to be fair, I didn't know he was an alien at the time, and I'm not talking the illegal from another country kind here. The threat of intergallactic STD is very real. And I basically sacrificed everything for him, and yeah. I know I left town to try and save face or something, but this is not Ohio.

This is not where I'm supposed to be, and I'm really wondering how the hell I got so far off course that I don't even know where I am.

Look. I have had just the worst fucking day. I’ve been vomited on. I’ve been stabbed in the face. I was impaled by a goddamn clown and fucking died. And now I’m pretty sure Hell is in a fucking four corners state.

So can someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?

Hello? Can anyone see this?

What's the year?

Who: Eddie & Richie
What: SO YOU'RE NOT DEAD
When: Right now
Where: Big Rico's Pizza
Rating: TBD, probably low except for depressing talk of sad things
Status: Complete

( it's been a long, long time )

WHO: Vanya and Five (and Dolores).
WHAT: Five making sure his favorite sister is really his favorite sister.
WHEN: Late afternoon.
WHERE: The Hargreeves house.
RATING: TBD but probably not high.
STATUS: In progress.

( And I would always be light years, light years away from you.  )

Well.

This is unexpected.

Where am I?

Mike? Joyce? Will? Max?

there was a sizeable psychic pulse when El arrived

Do many children get pulled into this place?

Vanya

There's a little girl. Would you come with me to pick her up? She has nowhere to go.