the holonet

What kind of sports are there here? What about in everyone else's universes?

In mine, there's a really popular one called Brass Rackets, but nobody's heard of it in this galaxy.

[Private Message to Liriael; Visible to Jupiter]

Can we meet? There's someone I think you should get to know.

You should all take deep breathes and focus on becoming more positive and centered with your inner eye and the beauty of the world around you.

We should have an orgy.

Hi there. This is strange, I've never used a megascope before.

Um, right.

I understand that your world is undergoing a Conjunction right now. This isn't my first time showing up in a new world, but it is the first time that a new world has been so prepared for my arrival. So, um, thank you for the generosity.

You're all so beautiful. Did you know that?

I' feel like I should offer hugs as a show of solidarity. Perhaps even friendship.

Caine?
Are you still out there? Last I heard you were one day away... let me at least know  you're doing ok.

I'm worried sick.

Is anyone there? I don't know what happened, one minute I was somewhere and the next I was here, only I think I hit my head because it hurts and I can't seem to remember who I am, does anyone know me?

[Encrypted to First Order]

This is Gemini, I thought I'd try and winkle some of the Jedi out of hiding and trap them, I know you like those guys even less than I do. I'll forward all comms with them to you, it's up to you to decide what to do with them.

I can't help feeling restless. Staying busy was practically a requirement at home, but I'm not always sure what I should do here.

[Steve]

Do you happen to have (or know where I can find) some music from Earth? American music, maybe?
Not that I have anything against Brit music, I mean... hello Pink Floyd, Queen, Blur and so on, but right now I'd kill for some Aerosmith, the good ol' Bruce Springsteen, some Halestorm, heck, even Ac/Dc (yes I know, they're Australian).

Is there some place on Naboo that has music from our planet? Or... you know back home there were people who were.. ehm. Illegally downloading music to get it for free. I mean yeah, that's such a bad thing to do, I know but have you see how much it costs you? Heck, I still have to pay off my iPhone! So... uhm. It doesn't happen here, does it? Downloading music for free, I mean.
I'm suffering from music-withdrawal. I need it!

So it seems that I'm back to studying a manual. Again. First the stuff I had to learn about the nations within the Intergalactic Commonwealth (and all the... "Rules for being a good Entitled". Nope, still not Queen Elizabeth.), now I've been given this... "Immigrants Handbook". I mean... would a Lonely Planet be too much to ask? Maybe with a normal vacation attached to it? Highlight on "normal"? Sure, I shouldn't ask too much. Technically speaking I'm an alien. Being born on a ship in the middle of Ocean does that to you, according to the Immigration. Isn't this highly ironic? I can turn it upside down as much as I want... but I'll always be an Immigrant. Only here I'm legal. So much for aunt Nino's prediction that I was destined for great things. I always, always said it: astrology is total bullshit.

According to this booklet, out there it's dangerous. Ha! Big news indeed. I suppose I should've gotten used to the danger, but now I'm on my own, someplace far away from home. Vladie says I'm smart - another one of the countless reasons why I'm unmarried, but I'm still voting for the fact that showing up at a date smelling like toilet detergent tends to scare potential boyfriends away - yet what am I supposed to do for a living? The nice officer said I've been given a salary to get by for about six months, so I have some time to figure it out. No more toilet scrubbing, thank you very much.

It seems I even have a place on my own. Hell, yeah! Privacy, at last! I love my family, but sleeping with your mom and aunt for all of your adult life can be... a bit overwhelming. Of course, the soft snoring has the magic power to make the nightmares go away. If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into you, according to Nietzsche. I can still see his eyes sometimes when I go to bed. I guess recovering from some bruises takes longer. There isn't a band-aid for your heart or your brain. Well, I have this pretty handsome splice that will definitely get mad at me for getting lost... somewhere in the universe, but it's not my fault. He can't be mad at me, can he? I didn't do anything. Maybe I should've asked the nice officer to write it down on paper for future records. Damn.

All right, focussing on the bad stuff won't make it go away, so for now I should try to understand what the heck I'm supposed to do here. Think positive. Think positive...
Oh! Yeah. I got this smart..thingie. Looks like a tablet.
Feeding your internal nerd: check.

Hello. My name's Jupiter Jones and I have a compulsive tech-shopping problem.