the holonet

I have been thinking about war. Yes, again. But this time, I have been asking myself questions. All this time, I have been treating war as something that is not a choice, something like a hurricane. It comes, it destroys. Our only choice is to pick a side and fight, or run away, or stay and try to endure.

And that is a terrible choice. Be the hurricane, or do nothing. It makes me feel so powerless, waiting for the war to start. Sometimes I even sit here and wish it would start, so that at least I would know, so that at least I could do something and forget.

But today I remembered that there is an essay by a man who was called a "dissident" (he rejected the label) during a time when all of the countries in the area I come from were ruled by a kind of tyranny called communism. He wrote about "The Power of the Powerless", about how sometimes the only thing that a person who wants (needs) to live with dignity can do is reject the paradigm that is forced upon them and live according to the truth that they know is true.

It makes me wonder if there is another truth that I could live by, because this "truth" that I have heard, that I almost believe, about the inevitability of war and destruction seems to me as oppressive as any ideology.

And surely it is just as ridiculous? There have been shots fired, but the capacity to destroy worlds has itself been destroyed. Every side tells us to be afraid of the other... Every side tells us that we must pick a side, or it will be picked for us.

Am I truly meant to believe that any of this will make the galaxy a better place? If the war comes here, I am sure that I have already lost.

But that is as far as I can get. And now I am not sure that I believe in the power of the powerless. It is a nice idea, but perhaps it only applies in response to communism. Perhaps it only applies when you are living in your homeland among people who understand your ideas and your experiences.

Am I the only one who thinks that there must be some other choice? I want the power of the powerless. I just don't know where to look. What can I do?

Is there anyone else who feels like this? Am I truly the only one?

Too many thoughts inside my head, it's making me dizzy. I wish the Professor were here.

It'd probably be around the 4th of July back home. I wonder what fireworks would look like here.

Just so you know, Clark Kent is gone. My Clark I mean.

In other news, I'm heading off world tomorrow. Don't know where I'm going yet at the moment. But if you need a ride off Naboo, let me know.