Paradiso

[posted Tuesday around dawn]

So that wasn't just some fucked up dream. Cool. Been a long time since I've been on a real vacation. Place looks just as sweet as that hot chick that gave me the invite.

Hey there, ladies. Name's Alan Hammond. Tell me these signs will lead a guy to some water that isn't filled with salt? That stuff's not much good for open wounds or leather jackets. And if I could bum a smoke off someone I'd really appreciate it, I thought I had some in my pockets but I guess they fell out when I got body slammed into a table.

Jenny if you're here I'm

Fuck it

Excuse me, my name is Matt Murdock. I just arrived. Would someone mind leading me from the beach to... well, to where everyone else is. Assuming that there are other people around. I'm not hearing anything, but that may just be because the beach is farther away from the main camp.

So I'm promised paradise, but when I arrive there are no girls handing out leis?

I literally thought I was going to get lei'd when I arrive. See what I did there? That's called a pun, people.

This is a handy little gadget. It's no JARVIS, but it'll do. We'll beef it up in no time.

Anyway, lead me to the party. Let's see how far civilization has actually gotten.

I thought I felt a spider crawling on me this morning when I woke up and I freaked out and fell out my hammock. Not, of course, without getting myself tangled up in it, though, because when I fuck up, I do it in style.

...it wasn't a spider, it was my own hair. It's gonna be that kind of day lol

To those of you who still don't have beds, if you've been having trouble sleeping I'm sure that we can start building hammocks for you or something. It's looking like everybody might get one eventually? I don't want to assume but they're coming in waves, it's weird.

I also feel like we should start trying to do more little stuff to show the gods and goddesses we appreciate what they're doing for us. I'm kind of coming up with a blank for suggestions though... I'm not usually the guy who comes up with the ideas. Any suggestions? They don't seem like he kind who would be too thrilled with sacrifice so I think it's safe to say that's off the table.

Except for the scary one. He'd probably be up for it.
If you can read this I didn't mean that you're my favorite?

ARVA.
You're probably frustrated today. I'm sorry. You don't have to respond, I just wanted to let you know that I left something for you by the waterfall a little north of us. It's kind of awful and it's the third one I tried to make since I saw you and I know you probably can't use it and I know it's stupid I just thought you'd like it, maybe. You don't have to take it if you don't want to.

MALIA.
I think the gods gave me these prenatal vitamins, I found them. I want you to start taking them, okay? They'll be good for you and the baby. How are you feeling? I wanted to know if you would be up for seeing one of the doctors, just for a check up. I've been talking to them but I don't want to make any solid plans until I know if you'd prefer a male or a female doctor.

LYDIA.
I'm going to start cooking in about half an hour, unless that's too early. I'm really looking forward to
It's getting more ridiculous every day

CHRIS.
Hey so, when you don't want to be an adult anymore, how do you find the off switch? I'm asking for a friend.

Okay, let's try this again with 100% less death threats, please. I'm Lynne, I'm 28, and I'm a bartender by trade. Prior to that, I was a cosmetologist for several years and I had some people mention to me in my last post that they would be interested in trims.

So. Ruby, is it? That has the shears? If I could borrow those, that would be amazing, and if anyone wants a haircut, let me know. Do we have combs as well? Because if I'm going to boast that I'm a hairdresser and I'm going to be cutting hair, I'd like to, you know...have some precision with that and without a comb, preferably semi-fine toothed, then I can't guarantee that.

I know I can't do a whole lot to contribute to like the building efforts or whatever, but I can cut hair. And I've been working on the coffee bean shucking, so...you know. I'm trying? That's a start, right?

You know, what we need is a way to get water from the waterfall into camp. You know, plumbing of some sort. There's gotta be someone who has the smarts to do that. I'm not wild about walking into the woods in the middle of the night to take a piss.

Have we figured out how to roast those coffee beans yet? I woke up to find a coffee pot with grinder in my shelter. Obviously, I'm willing to share.

Hello?

I wasn't sure what to expect from this place. I'm not one to trust people who tell me I can get away to paradise just like that. But here I am, I guess. I think I can dig this minimalist vibe. I even get to build my own shelter. That's different.

The name's Mack.

Uh
Crap, do I just
Should not feel this awkward, like at all
Fuck it I'm gonna Hi guys, I just got here last night while you were all having your bonfire. I just wanted to introduce myself so...I'm Lynne, hello. I don't know, do you guys usually elaborate more on these things? Do you give a crap what I did for a living or like are we just doing names and calling it done, or...? Wow, stop talking before you sound like a complete spaz