[Texts to Loki]

> Is Valkyrie recovering?
> Also, I trust you have not overextended yourself?
> I have also arranged for a delivery to arrive at home that I believe will go some way to restoring your resources

[Texts to Thor]

> The Hulk is sleeping
> I feel the need for air
> Care to join me?

[Text to Thor]
> I'm sorry I've failed you before and continue to do so even now. I don't think I'm cut out for what I mindlessly set out to help you with.
> Apparently I'm weaker and more useless than I thought, probably all the years of scavenging and nothing else.
> If there's a way to resign my post as your kingsguard or whatever I was, consider this it. Thanks for everything.

[Text to Bruce]
> I tried to help, I'm sorry I couldn't. I got shot out of the air like a bird at a hunt. It's ridiculous.
> I guess my calling on this planet is miserable failure and I'm not into it. I hope you'll feel better soon.

[Text to Loki]
>I need to talk to you.

[text to Thor]

> The damage is significant, but she will live.
> It has cracked the hip bone and ruptured internal vessels, with much loss of blood.
> It will be messy work and take multiple sessions to mend this.
> Mind you, I am not a skilled healer.
> While you and Sif are occupied, I will seek Darcy's aid in keeping the Valkyrie occupied.

[text to Darcy]

> If Stark has no need of you, would you be opposed to staying with us?
> Valkyrie has been grievously wounded.
> If you can think of anything to prevent her from becoming bored, it would be appreciated.

Loki and I are having a lot of sex. Thought you all should know.

[Loki]

This is what you get.

Swanky hotel room courtesy of Tony Stark. Check.
Laptop courtesy of Tony Stark. Check.
Expensive bottle of whiskey courtesy of room service. Check.

Okay, then. Let's do this.

I read my obituary. That was a thing. My whole life reduced to a couple of column inches. They overlooked all the really interesting bits, of course.

A lot has happened in the last six years, I gotta say.

I've logged on to this network and read all some of the many, many messages. And looked at the user list. Wow. So many famous names. So at least now I know why I was given access. If I see something going 50 Shades of Wrong I can let y'all know. I was wondering.

So, anyhow, I'm Ellen Brandt and I tried to kill Tony Stark once. No hard feelings, I hope. It was just business. I probably shouldn't be writing this, but screw it. I have half a bottle of whiskey left and the worst already happened to me once.

[text to Loki]

> Hey. We're going on a road trip.
> So get over here.

STRANGE,

CAN YOU DRAW PEOPLE HERE ON PURPOSE?

SINCERELY,

THOR

PEOPLE OF THE NETWORK! I MUST WARN YOU OF A POTENTIAL THREAT TO YOUR KIND. I WAS ATTACKED WITH A WEAPON OF UNKNOWN ORIGIN, ONE THAT HAS WROUGHT UNEXPECTED DAMAGE UPON MY PERSON. THE INJURY WAS SUCH THAT A MORTAL MIGHT WELL NOT SURVIVE IT.

EXERCISE EXTREME CAUTION IF YOU WALK AMONGST THE MIDGARDIANS WITHOUT DISGUISE OR ARMOR.

This is my first time to New York, and I am unsure what to think. I did not picture it smelling like this.

I am Shuri, of Wakanda.

I realize you may not want to receive correspondence from me after what transpired.

Yet I would like to make amends and speak to you at length about certain matters, if you are willing.

So not sure how to do this but for all those who don't know me and those that do I'm Bruce Banner and by extension the Incredible Hulk. You can't have one without the other though I'm sure he would agree he'd rather be the one in charge but hey can't have everything you want in life

I know that better than most

But yeah, hi

If anybody wants or needs me I'll be over there trying to talk Tony out of whatever harebrained plan he has up his sleeve

Obtaining weapons here on Midgard is easier than I thought it would be, but all the better

Serves my purpose so I will not quibble

Hey. Listen. I know we're all kinda waiting for something to top the Sharknado incident or for someone to get arrested or whatever BUT, hear me out. I got a gig being a DJ at Retro Club NYC this week on Friday night. All of you who are of age to go to a Terran club should come and dance and drink and have fun so they might actually hire me.

I'm looking at you Asgardians especially since I know you all can party.

> I do not mean to intrude, but I wondered if your room was to your liking.
> If it is not, then I can make whatever adjustments you desire.

WELL I'm going ice skating. Who wants to come with?

Hello again. It's Barnes. Do you happen to have Stark's Ironman suit that was extracted from the prison?

Friends and associates! We have located a new domicile, thanks to the assistance of Miss Potts. It is a larger space, and once we are comfortably installed there, we may host new revelries to celebrate. In the meantime, should any additional Asgardians join us here in this realm, they will have a home with us.

Thank you again, Miss Potts.

I have received the letter from this building's "on site" manager.

( Eviction Notice )

This seems excessive. I did not realize everyone had to sign. Nor would I say it was willful. More of a slight oversight, if anything.

Hi! Still alive. I can wiggle the fingers on my right hand enough to type while saying ouch a lot.

1. I'd like to say thanks to everyone who helped bust my busted ass out of jail. Yep, even to the zombies, and to the even bigger diva than I am that threw me out of my own penthouse window a few years ago. You've made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

2. The legal team should be on it. Sooner or later (I think I heard it was sooner?), I won't have to give out a bunch of I.O.U.'s and I'll make things right. No more 1 1/2 star hotels for my frenemies.

3. Yay for my in-flight test data feed being recorded, and for their use of excessive force of the almost deadly variety, with an unknown (possibly test) weapon. And about a billion other things about mandatory conscription, pre-existing prison ships, and arresting citizens without due process being unconstitutional. Things I'll probably be talking about someday at a press conference or in court, where we all know I'm not going to follow what I was coached to say.

So that's that. I want to annoy my babysitters by saying ouch even more. Please post stupid gifs or pics so I can post back.

Edit: Or DON'T because Loki ruined it.

Hello everyone. If we haven't met, I'm Steve Rogers.

Tony Stark has been arrested. Since I have no assurance that he is being held humanely, nor do I believe he will be offered a fair trial, I'm going to break him out. As several of you know, I've done this before.

The process will be dangerous and there will of course be a risk that I will be caught and incarcerated as well, but I'd like to see if anyone else would like to volunteer to join me. Doctor Strange may have an idea of his location soon and I want to be standing by when he does.

Please let me know.

I hate this realm.

I have done as was bidden, and tuned in at six of the clock for the news series about super heroes being menaces. The mortal known as Christine Everhart is repugnant. Is there no way to strike an accord so that she is not allowed on the television again?

Are flying fish common place on Midgard?

I'm on Broadway trying to get people to fucking stay inside but they keep insisting on recording and taking pictures instead of boarding their windows and getting to safety. I can withstand the winds and I've dodged a few things but they can't and they're dying but they won't listen is there any sort of guideline book to deal with shit like this? I don't even know what a shark is.

Someone come over and throw me at one I wanna ride it.

Midgard is an amusing place.

Worry not. I will endeavor to aid your beleaguered city from the easternmost side of your center park. Know as well, I have spared Lady Darcy from witnessing the horrors of this city being rampaged by fish with sharp teeth thrown from whirlwinds. She is quite safe. ( As you can see for yourselves. )

You're welcome.

I found some ideal dogs for us!

( attachments: 4 )

So, who do I blame for my current predicament?

Normally I'd blame Stark but I don't think even he's capable of this much fuckery

In other news, anybody heard from or seen Wanda?

I hear you can help me.

Look I don't really give a shit about this whole time thing. I'm not interested in being in your little band of superfriends.

But someone's got to come and get this chick from my door. The one with the huge tits. She won't stop knocking, saying it's her job or something. I don't give a fuck. Someone come get her before I make her go.

[text to Darcy]
> Greetings, Darcy Lewis. Are you wary of serpents?
> I also wished to let you know I have mastered the pictorial language of Midgard known as emoji. Behold. 🐍


[text to Thor]
> We no longer have a leather sofa.
> We do have many snakes.
> You are welcome.


...minutes later...
[text to Valkyrie]
> Did I hear you scream?

I was told you could do something to make a person unrecognizable to strangers. Is it true? And what would something like that cost?

I am Gamora. I was told you can cast some sort of magic so I don't appear strange to terrans. If that is true then I want to know what that entails and how it works. Can we meet?

Attention friends! I have decreed that we should all gather and celebrate being together in this strange time and place. There shall be a party at my living quarters this coming week ending. If you can see this message, you are invited. There will be weak Midgardian spirits, and delicious delicacies for all and sundry to consume and imbibe at your leisure! Let us eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we may die!


( [Private to Loki] )

Is it possible to send messages to people privately on this?

Yooo, what up bitches?

Right so I know I've met most of you. I'm Darcy. This is your opportunity to ask me any questions you didn't before. Serious questions about being here and whatever.

If anyone needs anything, you come to me. I'll try to help you out and get it. Depends on what it is.

Also I've decided I'm rooming with Thor. You're welcome.

Imbibing on Midgard so far feels like having sex on a water raft.

EDIT Right so to clear this up: That is an idiom that means 'it's fucking close to water' meaning Midgardian spirits feel extremely weak. The actual act of sex on a water raft however is much more thrilling and I recommend it.