#culturejournals

[ CLASS OF 06 ]

Shockingly, no one from our year has died this month. But there are still a few days left in October...

[ PEEN + DAFFY ]

Henry is in the Order of the Phoenix. He's the one who fucked with your wards, Elsie.

( Not an IC cut. )

[ CLASS OF '06 ]

1. Emmeline
2. Roberta
3. Hank
4. Hestia
5. Persephone
6. Kingsley

[ PEEN & DAFFY ]

Daffy, do you think I could have one of those Muggle bugs? If you have any. I want to find out what Hank knows about his sister and the Order.

[ ARAMINTA MELIFLUA ]

How's the sabre treating you?

[ MARLENE MCKINNON ]

Hi, Marlene.

[ ADDED LATER ]

[ LESLIE JUGSON ]

Hi. Are you free this weekend? I'd love to get together and talk about my business portfolio.

Hi, DMLE. Emmeline Vance has been in my home at some point during the past week. Just thought I'd let you know. Cheers.

For those of you who think now is the time to sell off those treasured family heirlooms for some quick getaway galleons, I have a hot tip for you: you aren't the descendant of a Hogwarts founder. That ring? Didn't belong to Helga Hufflepuff, no matter what your great aunt Gertrude told you at afternoon tea. No, you don't have Rowena Ravenclaw's broach, and you don't have Godric Griffindor's full length mirror. You're more likely to have Salazar Slytherin's cock ring. Please don't raise your voice when I tell you your "priceless and rare artefact" was probably manufactured in 2008.

[ NATALYA ]

What the hell, Nat.

[ FINN ]

Hey, you. Holding up ok?

[ BORGINS & BURKES ]

If shitty things could stop happening to our families, that'd be great.

[ "ACCIDENTALLY" WARDED TO THE ENTIRE CLASS OF 06 ]

All right, here we go:

1. Cleolinda, obviously.
2. Hestia Jones.
3. Hank. I'll be annoyed about it. Then again, Bellatrix gave his sister a reprieve. Maybe it extends to the whole clan.
4. Willow? If only because some Critter might take her down.
5. Toss up between Kingsley or Robin. Being an Auror is dangerous! But I've decided to seduce Robin.
6. Annie? I'll be annoyed about this one too.
7. Perpetua. You would think being a new mother would make her less of a bitch.
8. Emmeline Vance, only in last place because at this point she's like a human cockroach.

[ BURKES ]

My father wants to host a family dinner at Nimue next weekend. I usually don't like to plan anything this far in advance (fuck if I even know what I'll be doing this weekend), but in this case we have to work around the end of Ramadan and the fact that so many of us like to claim we're busy washing our hair when family dinners roll around. The reason for this dinner: blah blah something about recent successes, money, nothing embarrassing happening to Uly any of us in at least two weeks, you get the picture.

I was told to spread the news, so consider it spread. Be there or you'll likely get a sternly worded letter about the importance of family.

[ UNSENT WARD TO ULYSSES BURKE ]

I asked if it was just for object retrieval. You could've told me you were going to sick them on

Are we one hundred percent sure it's Gideon that's the vigilante and not the other one? Because I spent like, three years fancying him and I think I would know if he had what it takes to be a vigilante.

[ PURISTS ]

I was going through the bin my post gets dumped in (who reads their mail?) and congrats to the happy couple! Thanks for skipping the boring stuff and letting us get straight to what's important: a reception with an open bar. 🍸

But seriously, congrats and all that.

[ NIGELLA ]

So is Connie Darlington as vapid as she seems or it just one of those camera tricks, like how it adds 15lbs? (But not on you, obvs.)

( Not an IC cut. )

For the paltry price of 200 galleons, you can own your own Andalusian Hippogriff Quill. Crafted during the bloody administration of Minister Maximilian Crowdy, the quill's shaft is embellished with filigree and peridot. It's also imbued with an interesting little curse that makes the owner sound like Millicent Bagnold. We only have four of these left in stock, so act fast. ☺️

[ CLARA ROWLE ]

I spoke with my father and Mr Borgin, and we've agreed to your price. The knife boxes are all yours, Ms Rowle. You're free to pick them up whenever you like. It's been a pleasure.

[ BURKES ]

Well. Pirate Radio's gone and made things a touch awkward.

New to Borgin and Burkes: a very fine pair of mahogany antique knife boxes with a serpentine front and chequered stringing, manufactured during Unctuous Osbert's time as Minister. Here's the trick to these boxes: store your knives in one box, retrieve them from the other. They're synced up. It's perfect for those [...] knife collectors with very large homes. 😉 You wouldn't have to worry about leaving your poison-laced kard in the east wing ever again.

Price available upon request. Drop by and take a look. Or you could just drop in and say hi. Don't smudge the glass displays, though.

All items advertised and sold by Borgin and Burkes are expressly intended for use with lawful purposes only. Any illegal uses of the items sold are in violation of our intent and policy. Misuse could subject the offender to severe fines, penalties, and/or imprisonment under wizarding law. It is your responsibility, as the buyer, and not Borgin and Burkes, as the seller, to ascertain and obey all applicable laws regarding your purchase and use of products.

Your use of any products sold by Borgin and Burkes is entirely at your own risk, for which we shall not be liable. You agree to indemnify, defend, and hold harmless Borgin and Burkes, its employees, managers and suppliers (collectively the Service Providers) from and against all losses, expenses, damages and costs, including reasonable attorneys fees, caused allegedly, directly or indirectly from the purchase or reliance of any merchandise from us.

Since enough window shoppers have asked: no, Borgin and Burkes does not offer discounts for Merlin's Day. We don't offer discounts for any holiday, actually, though the charms on some of our wares would've puzzled and fascinated even the Prince of Enchanters himself. The shop's newest acquisition:

( NOT AN IC CUT. )

[ KNOCKTURN FAMILIES + SHADY SORTS ]

If I don't get properly pissed soon, there's a chance I'll retain all my memories of that WFC event. We wouldn't want that.

[ LAVINIA ]

How much trouble do you think we'd get in if we started expensing our lunches at Shovel & Meat?

[ ELSIE & EFFIE ]

I love Fi to death, but a calm, friendly reunion will put me in a coma. Can we please do something to liven things up?