#culturejournals

[ALBERTO]

So. About them feral muggleborns you were talking about. How much do you think they're worth?

There was an acromantula in my flat this morning, so I think maybe our uhhhh, creditors are getting a bit impatient?

Also, how much do kidneys go for these days? Asking for a friend.

[Crossed out after this]

Whoever keeps spreadin rumours that Shovel & Meat's full o parasites needs to fuckin quit it before you get sued for slander.

I've had it with these UNFOUNDED ACCUSATIONS and PERSECUTION.

This is a FAMILY ESTABLISHMENT (established by the fine Shovel family and the even finer Meat family in 1772)!!

Nuffin to see here. Eat at Shovel & Meat. :)

[ALBERTO]

So did the mafia break your knees yet?

[ALBERTO]

Soooooo, did the mafia leave a hippogriff head in your bed, too? Dunno what the big deal is, it was a mistake anyone coulda made.

How're we gonna get them their money, mate?

Have you lot seen the new Death Eater action figures at Flesh & Vapor?

The Reginald Avery one opened up for pre-order today. He comes with:

-One pair of relaxed hands;
-One pair for holding wine glass;
-One pair for holding weapons hands.

Not sure if this'll be one of the popular ones (worth $$$) or if it'll just wind up in the bargain bin with the other shitty Death Eaters. Knockturnians are very particular about their murder figurines.

First off, I dunno who started talkin shit about me being a vampire but I ain't one.

Second off, wot's wrong with being a vampire? Seems like a pretty great deal to me.

All o you with yer bitchin and moanin - 'the ministry's evil!' 'no it ain't!' - but not 1 o you give 2 shits about the hardworkin everyman. Wot's in it for Knockturn? We're still gettin persecuted and oppressed every day, but I reckon that's alright by you lot.