#culturejournals

I'd quote the Wizard of Oz right now but that's probably pretty played out at this point.

DUNG.

What do you think the odds are that I can bribe someone in the DMLE to let me into ministry holding so I can stand on the other side of Rodolphus Lestrange's cell and brag about how this mudblood killed his precious dark lord?

I hope the bear ate your face, asshole

ORDER/SUPPORT.

So! We raided the Lestrange vault. On the plus side, we got a shitton of stuff - weapons, jewelry, galleons, etc etc. We dumped it all in [this safehouse.] Also none of us are dead!

On the minus side, probably at least a quarter of what we stole is fake. Possibly more. It's going to take some time to sort through which are the duplicates and which aren't, because in what is a surprise to absolutely nobody, the Lestrange vault was pretty well equipped against robbery. Also it would take a fucking army to clean the vault out so it wasn't really quite the epic fuck you I wanted but.

Also on the minus side, we might not be dead but some medical attention would be lovely! I've always been told not to remove things that are impaling you so I might still have a dagger in my shoulder...

On both the plus and minus side, we definitely took enough that they're going to notice they were robbed. Not just because of the amount we took but because of the screaming ancestor portrait they have in there and also the part where Vivi stole the dragon...

...our exit was not the most subtle in the world.

Go team?

ORDER/SUPPORT.

Hi! I need to get my parents out of the country like yesterday and I think they're going to agree to it now! If they suddenly change their minds in some misguided act of defiance or parental love and support I'm going to have their entire lives obliviated and ship them to Canada FOR THEIR OWN GOOD!

So help with that would be great!

Also I'm going to kill the Lestranges! Good thing we've gotten over that pesky controversial issue!

CLASS OF 2006.

Well it’s December! Which means we officially made it another month without one of us dying. Pity about Elspeth though. We were so close. :(

ORDER/SUPPORT.

So we probably/definitely have better things to worry about right now but just, as a quick question for anyone who has a moment: does anyone know what to do with a room lightly filled with otters? Or if I need this room to not have otters in it, what would you recommend I do with them?

And like, I don't really have the space to adopt a bunch of otters as pets but also with my luck one of them would probably be ottermort, soooo.

Also they're probably courtesy of the Lestranges, but what else is new.

HESTIA.

Soooo I think I need to talk to you.

G06.

Did you know that punching purists is still satisfying?

Oh well. At least on the bright side it'll be a lot harder to be murdered in the hospital now.

DUNG.

Hey, are you busy?

HESTIA.

You know, at least when they decided they wanted to arrest me for vigilantism or attempting to murder a psychopath, those were things that I actually did. That I actively decided to do for various reasons that I still mostly stand by. And logistically it doesn't really even make that much of a difference given everything.

But somehow it's worse.

KINGSLEY.

I've just bought a ton of alcohol, and I think you should drink it with me.

ORDER/SUPPORT.

So Operation: Purist Vault Robbing was a rousing success. Zee, Dirk, and I were able to get into the vaults of one of the Tripes, one of the Shacklebolts, and Prudence Wilkes. To be fair, these were pretty low level security vaults and we went with which ones were near each other, but we got in and out without any major issues and we're all alive, so I'm counting this as a win.

It's not quite crippling the DEs monetarily, but it's a start.

ZEE & DIRK.

I know there's like a gazillion other things going on, but where are we on operation fuck with their money? I've got a pretty good list of spells and securities we'll probably run into that we should go over.

HESTIA.

Hi. Are you busy?

I wish I'd known that being number one on Trixie's murder list would be so boring. If I had, I never would've been so offended back when I was only number seven.

Oh cool, a warrant out for my arrest for a confession I don't remember making! That's super fun. Thanks, Death Eaters!

ORDER/SUPPORT.

Right, so. Hi.

Hello everyone.

I have crimes to confess.

I was the one who poisoned Bellatrix back in April. I’m just sorry she didn’t die.

And I kidnapped
[...]
I killed
[...]
I'm


(Read THIS for context!)

( Ultimately Unposted - Spoilers )

( O/S Ward - Spoilers )

NON-PURIST 06.

It's been a while since we've hung out. We should probably do that before we all die in the dramatic and horrible ways that are being bet on.

DUNG.

Hey, babe, wanna do me a favour?

THORFINN.

Well.

You always were meticulous.

I don't care what I'm supposed to believe, but I'd like to believe that Caradoc and Suz are far the fuck away from here having the happily ever after they always deserved to have. And the one that the Death Eaters would never want to let them have.

I do hope you manage to blow up their fucking castle. Preferably with them in it.

ORDER/SUPPORT.

Who can teach me the killing curse?

I got the impression from before that we’re pretty much done with pretending like killing them isn’t exactly what we ought to be doing, but if I’m wrong I'd just assume know that now, because I'm really done having a fight about it.

NINA.

[...] Do you still have the portkey or did that get confiscated in the whole DMLE whatever?

LILY.

Hi, Lily. I just wanted to say that I hope you’re doing okay. Or like, as okay as anyone can be. I think you probably know what I mean. I meant to say something earlier, but. Yeah.

TED.

Hey, Ted.

I don’t really know what to say, and I know there isn’t really a lot that I can do or say to make it better, but I am so sorry. I’m just really sorry.

RABASTAN.

Have fun convincing the world you’re not a Death Eater now. :)

ORDER/SUPPORT.

Kidnapping Natalya Dolohov went pretty well, all things considered. It looks like we were right in assuming that she wasn’t a DE but Voldemort’s her godfather, apparently, so she definitely knows some shit. It was under veritaserum, so despite the legalese most of this should be pretty sound. But because of the legalese, getting answers out of her was an experience.

( OOC cut for length )

ZEE.

Welcome to the Order, babe. I imagine this wasn’t really how you figured your first few days would go.

ORDER/SUPPORT.

Umm, so I went and had a look at Thorfinn Rowle’s flat today, which would’ve gone a whole lot better if he hadn’t come home while I was still there. There’s a chance he’ll very definitely remember that it was me. But also a chance that he won’t. I tried to obliviate him. I have no fucking idea if it worked. So if anyone hears anything?

I pocketed a vial of something while I was there. Benjy’s working on IDing it for me, and it might turn out to be nothing. But if it’s something, I’ll let you know.

Also I’m pretty sure his medicine cabinet’s better stocked than Mungo’s. For what that’s worth. (Nothing, I realise.)

You know, on Christmas, the deaths of two people were literally broadcast while Voldemort rambled on about how muggleborns are ruining the world and that in order to save it, we all have to die. And the Death Eaters haven't exactly stopped trying to make good on that. We're well beyond the point of not judging each other based on our politics. We're well beyond the point of pretending that purism doesn't directly support this.

But sure, let's pretend. Maybe that's why the DMLE's only arrested a handful of Death Eaters while the rest keep trying and succeeding in murdering us.

G06.

Anyone else almost underwhelmed by last night? It wasn't that bad. Robin, you really just missed Kingsley being a badass. Speaking of, babe, how are you feeling in the sober light of day?

HESTIA.

Hey, love. So I feel like it’s probably on me to do the reach out and apologise thing, but I don’t really think I have anything to apologise for. But I also don’t really want to be doing the awkward fighting but not really fighting thing, either, and I wanted to check in after last night. Speaking of

ANDROMEDA.

I didn’t see you at the reunion last night.
[...]
Okay so for the last few weeks I’ve kept trying to figure out what to say or how to reach out but I just didn’t know what to say. And then, you know, there was the rest of what happened and now I have even less of an idea what to say at all. I still haven’t figured it out. But I also hate the idea of this really being the way our friendship ends? I’d like to try and talk about things, if you’re willing.

ORDER.

Sooo, I'm wondering about something. Hypothetically, if you're stalking tracking someone, other than like using tracking charms or physically watching them yourself, how else might you be able to figure out where they're going to be?

ANDROMEDA.

Surely you didn't. Please tell me that your crazy sister is making shit up.

Pity, I was hoping today would be a nicer day.

CARADOC AND BENJY.

Soooo, my backup plan was storming the lestrange castle and smothering her with a pillow while she's still weak, which would obviously go badly, but who doesn't want to go out in a blaze of glory when we're already fucked.

Relax, Caradoc, I'm not serious.

But L O fucking L.

ORDER/SUPPORT.

Um.

Okay, two things. Just as an FYI, I quit my job last Friday, so after the 15th, I won't be a ministry employee anymore. There were multiple reasons for why I did this, a lot of which have nothing to do with the Order, but also my cover with Rowle is pretty fucked, so. It's fine, but I thought you all should know, and I'm sorry for any inconvenience this causes. I don't love there not being eyes on the ministry's crew of DE janitors, but. Yeah.

Second, I've got some stuff from our bug on dear Aunt Di.

( Cut for Transcript )

ANDROMEDA AND TED.

I know everyone's upset right now, and you may not have any interest in talking to me. But I wanted to reach out. If you did want to talk about it. If you don't, I get it.

HESTIA.

Hi.

HESTIA, BENJY, CARADOC, DUNG.

Soooo, I think I fucked up.

Like kinda a lot. Like the bug I planted on Thorfinn was on my desk today, a lot.

Now that we're a couple days out, I think it's really sad how much of a difference some mood cheering smoothies make. If there's anything that's been made obvious by the whole thing, it's how much the Death Eaters fucking suck and how much they're ruining everything.

THORFINN.

Hi, Finny.

I might be overstepping, but you seem to be in a bit of a [...] bad mood. And it seemed like you were yesterday too, so I bought you a smoothie. If you don't want it, feel free to pawn it off on someone else, but I thought you might appreciate something nice.

Yes, I know, how strange of me, blah blah blah. I can be nice sometimes too.

ORDER/SUPPORT.

So I got a bug into Thorfinn Rowle’s flat at the end of last week, but so far there hadn’t really been anything to report. But I was listening and Rabastan Lestrange just showed up - I’m nearly positive that it’s him, anyway - and then there was this conversation.

Despite the massive innuendo, I’m pretty sure they weren’t actually having sex. Also Finny was in a spectacularly scary mood today, but I think whatever’s going on with Britta might account for that, but honestly he sounds pissed. But anyway, I can’t tell what they’re actually doing besides maybe lifting things, but it sounds weird.

( Cut for Transcript )

HESTIA.

Hey, so I have something I want to get your perspective on, but it's also not really all that important in the grand scheme of things? Are things at a reasonably calm state of 'everything's terrible but nothing's actively blowing up right this second' for you?

If something's blowing up though, you should tell me.

I know people have been talking about The Prophet in general, but I just want to say that Alana MacFusty is a total BAMF. (Also, very hot. If you ever find yourself not married, give me a call. 😉 )

ORDER/SUPPORT.

They got away
I’m sorry
I’m a fucking
You shouldn't have had to
I shouldn’t be a part
I’ll lea
Remus, Marlene, and Agnes were fucking brilliant, so thank you. I’m at Mungos but I’ll be out soon.

I’m sorry this was such a fucking mess.

So, can we talk about something other than the Unforgivables or whether or not I stole my magic from some poor unsuspecting squib at the grand age of 11? (I didn’t, shock.) The WFC’s full of shit. (Also, shock.)

THORFINN.

Hi Finny. I've just noticed we're running really low on some of the cleaning potions. I'd offer to brew some up, but what can I say? Potions was always my shit subject back in school. When was it that Snape was coming back? I want to make sure we can ration what we have.

HESTIA, ANDROMEDA, BENJY, CARADOC, AND DUNG.

I let Sybill do her Sybill thing on a jumper of Chris’s and she basically told me things that I already knew (it was a targeted attack, which lol), and also that she was pretty sure it was a man who killed him and probably not the same. I don’t really know if I believe any of this anyway, because tea leaves, but.

What the actual fuck do I do with this information?

How many times do you think you need to sit through Star Wars before you start memorizing it? If it's more than three I may need to reassess today's goals.

Not dead. :)

ORDER/SUPPORT.

I’m going to preface this with ‘I’m fine’ so we can focus on the important part, because I have a theory and I need people to tell me if I’m crazy or not.

Someone just blew up my desk at the Ministry. Finny did the whole big bad protective man thing and now he’s bitching about hearing loss.

But I think he might’ve had the hearing loss from Christmas. When he was conveniently “in Paris” aka probably out murdering people. And that maybe this is a cover up.

Congrats.

I haven’t taken anything from any of you. You seem to think I have, but as far as I can tell, it’s only ever gone the other way. You’ve taken my sense of safety, poked continual holes in my self-worth, and constantly questioned my entire identity. Then you literally took my sister away from me. Now you’ve taken my brother. So I got the message. Loud and clear.

But I’m still not going anywhere. If you’re so damn scared of the big bad muggleborn? You’ll have to kill me too. Good luck with that.

WARDED TO ORDER AND SUPPORT

This probably isn’t the time and bits of this have been said, but I want to write this all down before I forget something. And I need to do Dedalus and I fought two Death Eaters at Mungos. They’d been clearly transfiguring people into things or parts of people into things like mops, though the rest of the spell work was typical enough - fireballs, blasting curses, etc. One of their phones went off and played Mariah’s All I Want for Christmas Is You before they smashed it, accioed the pieces, and then they both ran off. Given the way purists are with their technological hypocrisy, it’s probably not a lot to go on.

Death Eaters murdered my brother in his home in Tinworth. It was definitely targeted - there was no sign of a fight or anything else. Whether it’s just because he’s a muggleborn or because he’s [...] my brother, I don’t know. I can guess, but I don’t know.

I’m sorry.

So, quick question: are all purebloods related to Diana Selwyn or is the Aunt Di thing just a cute nickname?

WARDED TO STURGIS

I have a question for you.

I don't have enough fingers for the number of times my mother has said 'match.com' this afternoon.

Sigh. Don't be those parents, friends.

WARDED TO FRIENDS*

Guys.

Guys, Finny won't stop smiling and I am SO. CREEPED. OUT.

*OOC: I'm at work and I'm going to forget someone soooo throw yourself in.

Sometimes I look at this thing with the intention of talking to people, but there are just only so many times I can say L O L.

WARDED TO THE ORDER

I snuck into Finny's office and got copies of most of the personnel files in Maintenance. I haven't gone through everything yet and most of it's not too interesting, which doesn't really surprise me.

Of note: Snape took off September 2nd but he's not really one to take a lot of time off, normally. On the other hand, Finny's taken off a fair bit of time.

He also has a shitton of floor plans and notes about the comings and goings of people.

For what it's worth, I've been paying attention to Travers in the past few days and he's definitely quieter and a little more moody. Which does nothing for whether or not he was involved in what happened to Enid, but if he did, he's making a show of seeming upset about it.

WARDED TO HESTIA

Hey, love. How are you holding up?

So the real question: who's drinking with me tonight?

WARDED TO FINNY

But don't worry, Finny, I'll still be at work bright and early just for you.