#culturejournals

[Warded to G13]

Maaaaaars, when are you coming HOME, we miss you. Harry misses you! It's been like DAYS since your last hext.

Also, a big FYI that's belated but now that the Bad Juju Necklace is gone - I gave it to Agnes to examine. Don't punch me. The fire didn't actually like... hurt it at ALL which makes it EVEN CREEPIER so I figured if anyone would know what they were doing with it, it'd be her. Would have told you earlier, Padfoot, but I wanted to make sure all the arseface was out of your system so you didn't give me another black eye over it. She says she hasn't seen anything quite like it before so KUDOS for stumping even a Cresswell, Creepy Black Family.

Just because a government says so doesn't mean something's Right. Anyone who supports this new shit just because They Said So? Get a mind of your own. My Muggleborn wife was the best and most brilliant witch in my year and to think that she'd never get the opportunity to become the amazing potioneer she is - who's helped loads of people (pureblood, half, muggleborn alike) in her work at Mungo's - because some wankstain doesn't like that she came from Muggles is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. You're losing way more than you're 'preserving' by trying to take a Hogwarts education away from any kid that wants it and the fact that you people still think you're doing something for the GOOD of Wizarding Society? LOL. Just fuck off. Fuck that. Fuck you. Fuck the MRC and fuck Vo You-Know-Who and all his mindless minion scumbags who are trying to pull this off like it's anything but corrupt and evil and nauseating. You're all idiots if you can't see how stupid an idea this entire thing is.

[Warded to G13]

So, idk who was around when Lils and I got in last night but-
We ran into a hiccup setting things up for Dolohov. He came back early, caught us just as we were finishing up. To be fair, we were going to be fugitives after tomorrow ANYway, but this might have them wondering more specifically and more closely. Although pranks have been my MO since before I ever did anything illegal.

SO YEAH. We got out, obviously, he tried to stun us and Lily was brilliant and disarmed him to give us the time to get away.



Fuck that guy too, though.

Maybe the Death Eaters just really wanted to ~set the mood~ for October? I mean, what's says spoopy scary skeletons more than a gross invasion of our privacy by Moldyfart minions who wear skulls on their faces?

[Warded to Agnes]

SOOOO, Agnes, my friend, miss dark artifact extraordinaire if I, saaaaaaay found a locket that makes you an asshole when you wear it for a long time, is that something you could have a look at? I've got it and I need it out of our house asap, but IDK who else to give it to who won't you know... become an asshole.

What should the kid be for Halloween this year? My default is Quidditch player, but I want to SWITCH IT UP. I mean you've got so many OPTIONS with a baby - we could go cheesy full family costume even.

[Warded to Lily]

So. Muggleborn Registration. I'm assuming this means we've got a couple weeks or so before I'm married to the hottest witch on the Ministry's Most Wanted list?

[Warded to Sirius]

Okay, how're you feeling about Mr. Lupin living here now that it's been a bit. It's not that bad, right? Also SORRY I ate the last of the doughnuts this morning, was the nasty look neces

[Warded to Marlene]

Hey. How're you holding up post-funeral?

HARRY JAMES POTTER IS ONE YEAR OLD, FRIENDS!
🎈🎉🍕🎂🎁🎈🎉🍕🎂🎁🎉🎈🍕🎂🎁🎉🍕🎂🎁🎈🎉🍕🎉🎈

He continues to be THE BEST BABY OF ALL THE BABIES and he looks fantastic in Gryffindor red if this cupcake frosting is any indication he LOVES WEARING IT too!
10 more years, McG, ARE YOU READY?!

If a Death Eater becomes Minister in the middle of a terrorist attack, does it actually get to tell anyone what to do?

[Warded to Order/Support]

OKAY I'm finally to a level of pain potions where I'm not giggling at my own noodle-limbs and my hand can somewhat function again, but I'll be stuck in the house for a little while still so I don't blow my cover. I'm trying to catch up on everything, so anything I can help anyone with?

(Also thank you, Nina, for Merlin's sake, I thought I'd never have my hot bod ever again but I can see it slowly returning!!)

[Warded to G13]

I would apologize for all the weird stuff I said while high, but well... you all know it's from a place of love and affection. And sorry if my arm was/is really gross. Do you think it's okay-looking enough now to bring Harry in here without me needing to be in a poncho? The blanket-poncho's really hot.

[Warded to Order & Support - charmed to ring for G13]

Pete, is Sirius with you at the portkey location? We started going at them hard with spells but they - tackled him? And disappeared? We had anti-apparition wards up. It's just like how I grabbed Sna

I don't
If he didn't portkey.


Then they took him.
What do we do?

MERLIN'S SAGGY BALLSACK WHERE CAN A MAN GET A TEMPORARY NEW PRESCRIPTION AROUND HERE?? Bifocals maybe?

(Also who wants to do to a park and yell at kids to get off their lawn? Anyone? I just have this... sudden... urge... to shout at kids... and clouds... and all other things that minorly inconvenience me in any way....)

(written early morning Thursday)
[Warded to G13]

Thanks for the last 24+ hours, guys. Healer Pucey's assured me no purist-leaning staff will be allowed in, but like I mentioned yesterday apparently only one person is allowed to be in there at a time so if we could like
rotate. So that someone's always there.

[Warded to O/S]

Okay. The story from Lily:

Marcus and Antonin found her in the apothecary to attack her. Kill her, I'd assume.

They had imperiused Nina to curse Lily (but you weren't very good at it apparently, Nina, don't feel bad)

Lily hexted Benjy for backup.

Benjy must have gotten his portkey to Nina at some point.

Fighting in the apothecary's definitely what caused Lily's overdosing - broken glass on skin + contact to excess of potions = not good.

Benjy killed Marcus but was almost incapacitated.

Lily tried to get him out of there when Antonin kept coming after them but she was knocked out of reach.

Antonin's spell hit something... really... flammable. That's what killed Benjy. Lily saw it al

Lily managed to get out and run into other Healers before Antonin did anything else. The Dark Mark happened in there somewhere.

We're going with the truth for the DMLE for all intents and purposes. Benjy might be outed in the investigation, I don't know if the portkey's enough to prove an Order connection? I don't know if there's any cleanup we want to do for him, but if someone could maybe help Emme get rid of anything suspicious at their place? Not that the Ministry even knows where they lived, but... yeah.

Any word about specifics on the DMLE end? Don't suppose one of ours got the case?

[Warded to Snape]

They came to kill her, specifically. In case you forgot who you work for.

"Not a Death Eater"
My skinny white arse. How many times did he say that? How many times does Bellatrix Lestrange say that? How many times does Avery say it? You're all so full of shit.

Just go to hell, Lestranges. Just fucking go to hell and take all your fellow murdering buttbuddies with you.

Hold onto your butts, everyone, the Lestranges posted multiple wiztagram photos.

[Warded to Remus]

Hey, where are you?

[Warded to G13 Minus Remus]

In case you haven't seen, check hooter. Sirius, are you with him?

[Warded to Snape]

Really want to go to Azkaban, do you?

[Warded to Henry McKinnon]

Hey mate, we had a run-in with some dark wizards tonight - we're okay! Only minor stuff, but Marlene's foot is hurt and Pete's lungs are bad off but we... really don't want to drag ourselves to Mungo's at this hour. Come take a look?

[Warded to Order/Support]

So, DMLE types might already have heard BUT, yeah, we all had some uninvited guests over at Sirius/Remus/Pete/Marlene/Mari's place tonight. LUCKILY we're all pretty well off, a few injuries, but I've warded Mars's brother to come take a look. Harry and Jeremy weren't there, thank Merlin.

Anyway, we were watching a film when our their alarm wards went off - one Remus specifically warded to go off for Bellatrix Fucking Lestrange and Husband the Horrible and sure enough, a pair of wankers with coordinated masks showed up, one pretty female-seeming, the other shorter but you know, man-voice. Seems like they basically just wanted to kill me one of us and be done with it, but the proximity wards gave us enough of a warning that six against one and not much surprise meant I was able to floo the Aurors. We made sure they had a Bad Time and they eventually booked it before the Aurors even got there, so now we're answering questions and licking our wounds -

Things about the attack I'm jotting down before I forget:
- They immediately tried to summon our phones so we could call anyone, but the sticking charms we had on them worked (DO THIS, EVERYONE)
- We tried summoning their masks but THAT didn't work either, sigh
- If one of them WAS Bellatrix Lestrange (it was), she seemed - I don't know. Off her game? We knocked down the female-y-er of the two down easier than you'd think (STILL REALLY BLOODY DANGEROUS THOUGH DO NOT FEED)
- Fireball and AKs are still favourites, surprise
- Marlene shot at them with a crossbow like a badass
- Bone-shattering used again
- Uhhh... I think those are most of the big points

Feel free to add anything, guys. In summary: we're okay. But whew.

This is so bloody rich.

Purists: Richer than any other Wizarding group in Britain
Purists: Hand out sketchy 'Be a better Halfblood' pamphlets
Purists: Repeatedly talk about how bad technology is, on technology, while posting selfies and hooting about purism
Purists: Name Purist WFC Wing after a woman who was killed by Purists, ignoring family requests not to
Purists: Regularly slur, ridicule, put down, and accuse Muggleborns of being lesser, below them, worthless, or even thieves (loL)
Purists: Aren't having their families targeted by terrorists for merely existing but whinge that they're persecuted anyway

Everyone else: LOL you all spent a night shitting yourselves & these vids are hilarious

Purists: WHY WOULD YOU LAUGH AT OUR GRAVE MISFORTUNE??!?!1!?

Wow the world looks SO DIFFERENT at age 21! I'd be able to DRINK now if I were in the states. lol sucks for them. BUT these are things I know now that I am old and wise:

I have kick ass mates who throw kick ass birthday festivities (and even opted out of their favourite pastime pizza for me)

My birthday being on Easter this year would have really confused my son if he was old enough to remember more than like 10 minutes of his life at a time.

I think I'm in love with my wife MORE this year than ever before and I didn't think that was possible so we're LOOKING GOOD for the whole grow old together idea.

This is B-day #2 without the parents, and it was a little easier but not like a LOT because where did the year go anyway?

Speaking of time flying - MARCH WENT BY REALLY FAST blimey

The last one I realise every year on my birthday but now I feel like my words have much more "Oomph".

[Warded to Order/Support]

Operation: Greasy Bug was a success over at Snape's, how'd everyone else's go? I didn't see any maydays or anything so that's a good sign right? No one's lying in a ditch on a front lawn because wards knocked them out?

Adults, please admire my EXTREMELY ROBUST willpower because I managed not to prank a single item in that prat's entire flat. Merlin's pants it was TEMPTING. I mean, I threw extra of an ingredient in whatever potion he had brewing but that's not obvious sabotage. Right?

[ORDER & SUPPORT]

Update on the Lupin case. Remus, I apologise for this; I think your dad was trying to shield you from it, but I know you said you wanted to hear everything.

[Transcription of this post + Johna's comment]

Any of this ring a bell?

Also, on the flu front, we're currently in the process of running tests on vaccine samples. I'll let you know the findings when I have them

[JAMES, REMUS, LILY]

Jeremy says hello, and he's awesome, and not to worry.

[JAMES]

How's Lily doing?

[REMUS]

Alright, Remus?

[ARABELLA]

I am so sorry.

[Warded Private]

Remus - @ Mungo's, Mom's dead, Dad hurt
Sirius - w/Remus, doing the boyfriend thing
Mari - Still Fucking Missing :(
Peter - On Mari-finding duty 24/7
Marlene - Mari-finding duty, Remus-support - STILL making questionable decisions??
Lily - Sick. Getting worse. Taking care of Harry, Jeremy, me, Remus, Sirius etc etc I married superwoman
James - Still resting/healing, Remus-support, I don't know how to help find Mari, need to take care of Lily




I don't know that we can do this on our own, for once.

[Warded to Alastor Gumboil, Arabella Figg, & Frank and Alice Longbottom]

Hey, party people. So, we have a bit of a problem. I think Lily's getting sick, and Harry's here, and Remus's mum's dead - dad in hospital, and Mari's missing and my friends are all trying not to lose it to take care of Remus and find Mari and I don't want Jeremy or Harry getting sick. I... don't really know what to do but to ask if Al, Arabella, would either of you be able to have Jeremy stay with you at least until I'm fully healed and can manage things? And Frank/Alice - could you take Harry for a few days? I really don't want him catching this new strain of flu and it's spreading fast, and I can't exactly take him into the hospital and we

we just need some help. I'll be by to visit lots, I promise.

Does this make me a bad da

[Warded to Lily]

Lils? I don't want to wake you, so ward me when you're up. I'll be with Remus & co.

[Warded to Sirius]

How is he? I'm on my way back. I'll bring food for everyone.

[Warded to G13-Lily (after this)]

Well, Lily's officially ill with this Fairy Flu thing. If it's the latest strain, it's going to get bad, so I might be a bit MIA taking care of her. Still, Remus - I'm here via ward or hext, or if someone trades me sick-duty, okay? I'm sorry everything is shit, guys.

Dear Death Eaters,

....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\

xoxo,
James

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LILY-LOVE!!!
The most beatufil, clever, and kind witch - nae - PERSON the world has ever seen and MY WIFE!!!
💞🎁🎉🍕🎈🎁🎉🍕🎈🎁🎉🍕🎈💞

I know things haven't been the best lately, for a lot of people, but I love her more than anyone in the world and Death Eaters being fucking wankers isn't going to stop me from telling her that she deserves everything, and so does Harry, and everything awful can fuck off for the day, please, kthx. Love you, Lils.

[Warded to G13-Lily]

Party at our place tonight, as we discussed! I'm ordering tons of pizza, I've got her fav films, music (thank you for the help, Mari & Marlene), Harry's got a special suit for occasion, I'm taking her out to buy something fancy at the Apothecary shoppe and we'll be back at 6:00 on the dot. Let's shake off the shit from the week and just try to have a relaxed good time. Love you lot.

[Warded to Sirius]

So surprise, once you're a dad it's really hard to stop being a Dad. Sorry, mate.

Well I know I can't WAIT to see all the Dark Arts Edgelords argue against the use of Unforgiveables in the name of justice and morality all of a sudden because it means their Death Eater mates are about to have a Bad Time.

THAT SAID, the Dark Arts are bad, kids. STAY IN SCHOOL.
Can't say I'm heartbroken I dropped out of Auror training now! Good luck to you lot still there.

[Warded to G13]

Mari, that was genius and I love you for it. But we may want to brainstorm ways to protect you for the next month? What's your work situation like? And how safe is wherever you do pirateradio? You should go home to Pe ALSO, I don't know if this was said amongst all the shock and awe at your genius but the bit about the flag on the WFC could be brilliant! As long as you're okay with the radio being associated with crime (good crime but well). Like, the Order can't take credit because we're trying really hard to be a group that people can support without feeling too guilty outside of the whole... vigilante part. - PS. Are you actually starting a foundation because you know philanthropy is my dayjob.

SPEAKING OF CRIME, Marlene, we're good on the Listening to Our Solicitors idea right? No confessions? Diggle seems to know what he's doing and there's no reason you should make it any easier for them to lock you away when you don't need to be.

Sirius, Remus, let's put our idiocy to good use! Did you get ANY ideas on their wards or defenses? You know, aside from a huge bloody castle and a moat.

Peter, I'm bringing you snacks. On your next stakeout. What are we craving this week?

Lily, you're the most beautifulist, kindest wife in the world and our kid is the best, The End.

[Warded to G13 minus Lily]

Now that I've sufficiently DADed out on everyone, Lily's birthday at the end of the month! What are we thinking? Has she hinted to any of you about anything she's hoping I'll do? It'd be nice to give her something to be just... happy about. So if we don't know, you should find out for me.

[Warded to the Order/Support]

Idea, now that we know some identities. Especially Dolohov. What if we start giving them reason to question each other or things they get? If he's a name they trust to keep them healthy, what if we use it to make them the opposite of that. We're all paranoid as hell about packages we receive, let's do the bloody same. The Order should make them squirm about just saying Purist tripe without consequence. WE shouldn't be the ones afraid to speak out.

[Warded to Severus Snape]

You're AWFUL quiet for a bloke blackmailing my wife and best mates. What's the matter, Snivellus? Have you choked on all the death you enjoy eating these days?

That was the best episode of Shimpling I've ever seen. Can't wait to have you back on the air, Mr. Derwent, get well soon because the WizVis programming is sorely lacking without you!

[Warded to Remus]

All right, mate? Figures EVERYTHING GOES DOWN when it's my turn for Harry-Duty. Lils filled me in on the basics, but I wanted to check in.

[Warded to Benjy]

Hey, Benjy, can I have a minute of your APPARENTLY VERY FREE time?

[Warded to G13] (pre-sleepover)

SO??? PETE? Are you back yet? ARE YOU BACK? I have been on the cusp of ordering 20 pizzas and a fanfare for your return but this 'maybe maybe not' bs the healers keep pulling is making your welcome home VERY HARD TO PLAN.

[Warded to WPPL (minus Remus)]

Okay ALSO so, our verdict? Benjy's probably cool? Sounds like he's good?

[Warded to Severus Snape]

Hey, Death Eater Asshat, killed anyone else lately?